spike7165 Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 Had an amazing first date tonight... Went out for dinner and we couldn't keep our hands or eyes off each other. She leant over for a cuddle during dinner, had our first kisses in the car park then off to a club. Then spent 3-4 hours dancing, touching, caressing and kissing a lot, her getting more and more passionate. She kept leaning over so her chest was touching my hands.... So all great but think I cocked up an other wise stunning date by asking her in the car if she wanted to spend a few more hours "relaxing" together. I did emphasise talking and cuddling and taking things slow, and she did actually say "yes" but I sensed she wasn't comfortable so ended up taking her home. She was the same before she got out the car as earlier, spent several minutes kissing, her resting her head on my shoulder and cuddling up tight and more kisses before she went. I told her I'd call her tomorrow which she seemed to be happy with. It's just difficult to read, she didn't say much about me in a positive way, but I did compliment her, but on the flip side she was very physical which maybe made me overstep the mark. Things were just so passionate it seemed like the right thing to say but looking back it wasn't because it maybe made her uncomfortable... Not so good at this dating lark, first date in 10 years after 2 bad relationships so don't be too harsh on me!
USMCHokie Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 Based on what you've written, I don't think you have anything to be worried about. Call her tomorrow and make plans to see her again. The best way to know if you screwed up a first date: there is no second date.
SomewhatExperienced Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 Based on what you've written, I don't think you have anything to be worried about. Call her tomorrow and make plans to see her again. The best way to know if you screwed up a first date: there is no second date. I agree. But one thing I must say since you're back in the dating game. Don't take these things too seriously. Don't overthink anything. Don't ever think that just because things go well and there are good signals that they are really interested in you (although they likely are), or you're going to see them again. And finally, have fun and take it easy. I'm saying this because the way you're thinking is a slippery slope and can really leave you constantly second guessing, wondering what they're thinking and stressing out over nothing. Enjoy the ride, have fun and don't put all your eggs in one basket.
Author spike7165 Posted April 26, 2010 Author Posted April 26, 2010 Guess I find it hard to come across cool and relaxed, was doing alright until the end! Where I live is a dating wilderness, tumbleweed blowing around, and this is the first woman in 2.5 years I've even had any attraction to. Not just attraction but eyes locked, electricity. One more thing.... I actually met her on Saturday night with a friend and was with her all night in a group until 9am, then I bumped into her on the beach on Sunday, so today is the official 1st date I guess but the 3rd time I saw her. Presuming there is a second date, I feel like maybe I need to slow down, don't want to come across too eager and push her away as I've seen her every day for 3 days! Should I delay things now.....When i got out the car I mentioned I'd call her sometime tomorrow then maybe we could have a coffee before or after work (she works at night) JUst seemed right to say that when I've seen her for 3 days, but I just dont want to screw this up! Should I backtrack, call her tomorrow and say I'm busy, which would be the laid back thing to do but may annoy her after the date tonight or go with the flow and see if she wants to meet up tomorrow. Other prob is we have mutual friends who want to see both of us and we also live very close to each other! Sorry for the long winded, but I'm 35 and we both said tonight we feel like children when you get that first crush. Don't want to screw it up!
Author spike7165 Posted April 26, 2010 Author Posted April 26, 2010 I agree. But one thing I must say since you're back in the dating game. Don't take these things too seriously. Don't overthink anything. Don't ever think that just because things go well and there are good signals that they are really interested in you (although they likely are), or you're going to see them again. And finally, have fun and take it easy. I'm saying this because the way you're thinking is a slippery slope and can really leave you constantly second guessing, wondering what they're thinking and stressing out over nothing. Enjoy the ride, have fun and don't put all your eggs in one basket. Thanks somewhat.... I had seriously given up on relationships where I live and trust me I am no longer a romantic kind of guy, I was definitely in the take it or leave it category! However, I walked into that bar and I've never felt anything like it, even when I was married and in long relationships before. Eyes locked, smiling and pure electricity down my spine.... I didn't believe in stuff like that, just a regular dude, but there was something really weird when we met. Hence really not wanting to screw this one up!
bananalaffytaffy Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 Yeah, I'd say throttle down the physical contact a bit. If you'd made the "relaxing" comment to me, I'd think you were just looking to get into my panties. Yes, she gave signals, but you have to decide what you are looking for. Are you looking for a roll in the hay or are you looking for something less casual? Decide what you want, and act like it. Make your words match your actions, not her actions. You really seem like you like this woman, so act like a gentleman.
Author spike7165 Posted April 26, 2010 Author Posted April 26, 2010 Yeah, I'd say throttle down the physical contact a bit. If you'd made the "relaxing" comment to me, I'd think you were just looking to get into my panties. Yes, she gave signals, but you have to decide what you are looking for. Are you looking for a roll in the hay or are you looking for something less casual? Decide what you want, and act like it. Make your words match your actions, not her actions. You really seem like you like this woman, so act like a gentleman. Thanks Banana, Do you mean presuming I get a second date less kissing etc? Thing is after being shy at first, she initiated a lot of it! Also she's not being very verbal in what shes thinking or feeling, now I know its early days, but shes being quite physical and smiling and eye contact but not saying too much. She's verbally playing her cards close to her chest but not physically if that makes sense! I'm obviously not going to say anything like that again, I do really like her, more than that really, I felt something when I first met her, who knows what but not felt it before. Would you give me a second date based on the above and even feeling like I wanted to get into your pants :-)?
DustySaltus Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 The best way to know if you screwed up a first date: there is no second date. OR "......you have reached the voicemail of _______"
bananalaffytaffy Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 Thanks Banana, Do you mean presuming I get a second date less kissing etc? Thing is after being shy at first, she initiated a lot of it! Also she's not being very verbal in what shes thinking or feeling, now I know its early days, but shes being quite physical and smiling and eye contact but not saying too much. She's verbally playing her cards close to her chest but not physically if that makes sense! I'm obviously not going to say anything like that again, I do really like her, more than that really, I felt something when I first met her, who knows what but not felt it before. Would you give me a second date based on the above and even feeling like I wanted to get into your pants :-)?I'd probably give you another chance. But if you suggested "relaxing" on the next date, I'd probably have my suspicions confirmed. You decide what you want. If you want a relationship with this woman, some physical contact is natural... but "relaxing" right off is probably not the best idea, even if she suggests it. I guess all I am really saying is that yeah, I think you'll get a second date, but don't make those type of suggstions on the second date. Think with the head that's above your shoulders!
Phantom9309 Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 OR "......you have reached the voicemail of _______" That leads to early over thinking. If you don't get a reply in a reasonable time after you've been talking every day or every other day and you leave a semi important message.
Author spike7165 Posted April 27, 2010 Author Posted April 27, 2010 Thanks for all the messages. One last q for now... After 3 days of seeing her and presuming she is happy after last night should I slow it down? I said I would call her and MAYBE see her today for a coffee but I don't know if thats too much. Maybe I need to give her time to miss me, or maybe I should see her today if she wants but then have a day or so break? Can't believe I'm asking questions like this at my age, but a blind date lead to marriage and then my second long relationship she was very forward and I didn't even have to try! Whats your opinions? 1. Slow it down and see her today if she wants but then have a day or two apart 2. Call her but blow her off today in a nice way 3. Stop being a idiot and go with the flow! Thanks!
alphamale Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 don't apologize or mention it further but do reign in the horses a bit....she'll give up to poontang fairly quickly
D-Lish Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Go with the flow. Call her tomorrow because you said you would. If you're worried about coming on too strong, just ask her out for a few days down the road.
Author spike7165 Posted April 27, 2010 Author Posted April 27, 2010 Cool thanks for the advice, Just a side note - Do you girls think a guy playing hard to get works? If he doesn't call you for a day or two does it make him interesting and make you interested or do you think why isn't he calling me if he likes me?
D-Lish Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Cool thanks for the advice, Just a side note - Do you girls think a guy playing hard to get works? If he doesn't call you for a day or two does it make him interesting and make you interested or do you think why isn't he calling me if he likes me? At the age of 35, I wouldn't respond well to games. A mature woman will recognize gaming behaviour and will probably get turned off. I wouldn't play hard to get, just take it slow. If you said you were going to call, you should call. You don't have to do the coffee date right away, just suggest going out again a couple days from now. I wouldn't get upset over the invite to come up to your place. Most guys suggest that. Afterall, she did give you the proper signals, and she was doing a lot of physical initiating- so why wouldn't you have asked? If you had have pushed it, then I would say you might have made a mistake, but you didn't push it, so no big deal.
Author spike7165 Posted April 27, 2010 Author Posted April 27, 2010 At the age of 35, I wouldn't respond well to games. A mature woman will recognize gaming behaviour and will probably get turned off. I wouldn't play hard to get, just take it slow. If you said you were going to call, you should call. You don't have to do the coffee date right away, just suggest going out again a couple days from now. I wouldn't get upset over the invite to come up to your place. Most guys suggest that. Afterall, she did give you the proper signals, and she was doing a lot of physical initiating- so why wouldn't you have asked? If you had have pushed it, then I would say you might have made a mistake, but you didn't push it, so no big deal. Thanks D-Lish We're both the same age as you so your opinion is very useful! I'll call her later on and see how it goes, keep it casual and if she wants to meet up great if not a couple of days time Really appreciate your reassurance on that, I pretty much asked her because I was getting these strong signals and thought that if I didn't then maybe she would wonder why I didn't ask her! Us guys can't win heh :-) I did say to her because I didn't want the night to end and wanted to spend more time with her, so I think it came over ok...she was just as passionate after I put my foot in it! I mean if a woman is holding your hand right at the top of her upper thigh with her head on your shoulder after spending five hours kissing you what are us poor guys supposed to think :-)
D-Lish Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Thanks D-Lish We're both the same age as you so your opinion is very useful! I'll call her later on and see how it goes, keep it casual and if she wants to meet up great if not a couple of days time Really appreciate your reassurance on that, I pretty much asked her because I was getting these strong signals and thought that if I didn't then maybe she would wonder why I didn't ask her! Us guys can't win heh :-) I did say to her because I didn't want the night to end and wanted to spend more time with her, so I think it came over ok...she was just as passionate after I put my foot in it! I mean if a woman is holding your hand right at the top of her upper thigh with her head on your shoulder after spending five hours kissing you what are us poor guys supposed to think :-) Exactly- her behavior really did send the signal that she was into some further private time. You didn't screw up by asking her to come to your place. I've had numerous guys ask me to come up to their place without affection prior to it- so it's not a big deal. She was probably struggling with wanting more and trying to reign it in. Women often struggle with having sexual urges and feeling guilty about them simultaneously. When you took her home, she was probably disappointed to end the night, but also relieved you didn't push. I think you handled it really well. Do keep playing it by ear. If you call her and the conversation leads to you asking her out sooner, do it. If she mentions being tired or having plans, ask her about another night.
alphamale Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 If you call her and the conversation leads to you asking her out sooner, do it. If she mentions being tired or having plans, ask her about another night. no, i would wait until next weekend to see her again
D-Lish Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 no, i would wait until next weekend to see her again He's already asked about a potential date for tomorrow after a call- so to reneg isn't that cool. That's why I suggested playing it by ear and seeing what her frame of mind is. He doesn't want to be that guy that suggests something and then doesn't follow through.
alphamale Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 He's already asked about a potential date for tomorrow after a call- so to reneg isn't that cool. That's why I suggested playing it by ear and seeing what her frame of mind is. He doesn't want to be that guy that suggests something and then doesn't follow through. god these guys need so much help.
Pyro Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 god these guys need so much help. waiting until next weekend is absurd. He is obviously into her and waiting that long to see her again shows the complete opposite.
D-Lish Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 god these guys need so much help. Maybe just a little guidance and perspective- we all need it sometimes.
Author spike7165 Posted April 27, 2010 Author Posted April 27, 2010 It's male versus female :-) I know the theory of not being too available and that is supposed to make her want me more, and I guess that makes sense, but at the same time by accident or choice I've already seen her 3 days in a row! So if I back off now doesn't it look kind of stupid. If I met her in a coffee shop for example then asked her out after 30 minutes then we had a date a week later then I agree giving it a few days sounds reasonable But I guess by accident I've already broken the "rules" by spending that much time with her already so do I backtrack now and suddenly after being free and available I'm busy or not or carry on the same path?
D-Lish Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 It's male versus female :-) I know the theory of not being too available and that is supposed to make her want me more, and I guess that makes sense, but at the same time by accident or choice I've already seen her 3 days in a row! So if I back off now doesn't it look kind of stupid. If I met her in a coffee shop for example then asked her out after 30 minutes then we had a date a week later then I agree giving it a few days sounds reasonable But I guess by accident I've already broken the "rules" by spending that much time with her already so do I backtrack now and suddenly after being free and available I'm busy or not or carry on the same path? You just ran into her the other times, chances are that if you run in the same circles and frequent the same places, this will be the case. Chance meetings don't count as asking her out. Just make sure to follow through with what you've said- like calling her tomorrow. If you don't call tomorrow when you said you would- she's not going to want you more, she's going to wonder if you are unreliable. Don't stress about it, it's just a second date. If you call and she answers and is receptive, follow through with asking about coffee. If you get her VM, leave a message that doesn't include nailing down coffee. If she calls back- great, if she doesn't, the ball is in her court to call you back. That means you don't call again a second time until you hear from her. If she waits for a day to call back, she is setting the pace that she wants to slow it down. Just use your intuition about these things, you'll get the hang of it. You don't want to appear to eager- but you don't want to break promises either.
Author spike7165 Posted April 27, 2010 Author Posted April 27, 2010 You just ran into her the other times, chances are that if you run in the same circles and frequent the same places, this will be the case. Chance meetings don't count as asking her out. Just make sure to follow through with what you've said- like calling her tomorrow. If you don't call tomorrow when you said you would- she's not going to want you more, she's going to wonder if you are unreliable. Don't stress about it, it's just a second date. If you call and she answers and is receptive, follow through with asking about coffee. If you get her VM, leave a message that doesn't include nailing down coffee. If she calls back- great, if she doesn't, the ball is in her court to call you back. That means you don't call again a second time until you hear from her. If she waits for a day to call back, she is setting the pace that she wants to slow it down. Just use your intuition about these things, you'll get the hang of it. You don't want to appear to eager- but you don't want to break promises either. Thanks that actually makes a lot of sense. If she's receptive then why play games but if she wants to go slower then calm down! It may be an alpha male thing to do, but I really don't see how waiting til the weekend when I've seen her 3 days in a row helps! Backing off a little if she feels on a rollercoaster makes sense but not disappearing for the rest of the week! She didn't say much at all about any feelings last night but her actions totally gave her away, she was like a schoolgirl just looking at me and giggling, so you're dead right that she was struggling with what to do, you're the same age so on the same wavelength I think! I know she's quite shy though and been burnt before, so the intensity may have got to her in a good and scary way.
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