Never mind.. MM just texted me to break it off AGAIN...

[I Miss the Kiss]

Well, I do thank you all for your advice in my last thread about how my MM came for our weekend. I was planning to follow the advice and back off. In fact, I had not texted him today and didn't intend to. I was going to wait for him.

 

However, as I suspected deep down in my gut, something was wrong. He cannot face the guilty stares and the shun of the community and his family who told him he was ouit of the family.

 

He thinks his wife will take him back (I assume, he never said that). She knows he just spend the weekend with me. Ten or more D-days in 12 months. I guess its up to her if she wants to live that way... Just like its up to me. I don't want to. Its killing me slowly.

 

So for any of you facing the possibility of having an A, let me just be honest with you as to what just the past 72 hours or so gave to me:

 

MM was and then wasn't and then was and then wasn't coming to my town for our anniversary weekend. Then when I thought he wasn't coming, he said he wanted to be with me and was on his way. A conscious effort. Drove almost 4 hours. Packed a bag, brought stuff. Even told me he picked out the outfit he had on just for me.

 

F'd my brains out for 24 hours. Told me he loved me. Asked me to come back to his town to spend the next night. We ended up staying in my town because we were too tired to drive. Layed in bed, napped all day. More sex.

 

Me telling him how happy I was. Him reciprocating. Him telling me there was no way he was going back to his W, no matter what, because that path wasn't there anymore. She had closed that door.

 

More sex. We fixed dinner. I gave him one of my grandmother's quilts because all he has at his new duplex is an air mattress and a sleeping bag (and sheets). He took it, thanking me, telling me he couldn't wait to go snuggle in it.

 

He worked yesterday, so only a phone call last night that ended with him saying "I love you Peanut... have a good night!"

 

This morning when I get to work this text: "I can't do this. I'm going back to try to make my marriage work. I'm sorry. Go love someone who deserves you. Goodbye."

 

And there you have it...

 

I need kind words right now. Please don't be hard. I'm at work and all I can do is try to keep it together before I get fired. I've already been warned.

 

Do you all think he is crazy? Or maybe it was me...

Edited April 26, 2010 by I Miss the Kiss

[bananalaffytaffy]

Nope, he wasn't crazy. Just a selfish coward. And he'll be back. Question is, will you?

 

Please find the strength to finally get off this rollercoaster. You KNOW you would not accept this treatment form a single guy, don't accept from him any longer.

 

And what a coward to break up with you by text. Did I say coward? I did call him a coward, right? You did get that, right?

 

He's married. For whatever reason, his wife knows of his repeated betrayal but wants to keep him. Let her.

[MorningCoffee]

fOM here.

 

Ouch. Sounds like the guy cannot summon the pair to go for what he thinks he wants, i.e., you. The pattern that you have seen is what you're going to get. He is weak when not in private with you, apparently, even when by himself. Better close the door on him and take care of yourself.

[jwi71]

Well, I do thank you all for your advice in my last thread about how my MM came for our weekend. I was planning to follow the advice and back off. In fact, I had not texted him today and didn't intend to. I was going to wait for him.

 

However, as I suspected deep down in my gut, something was wrong. He cannot face the guilty stares and the shun of the community and his family who told him he was ouit of the family.

 

He thinks his wife will take him back (I assume, he never said that). She knows he just spend the weekend with me. Ten or more D-days in 12 months. I guess its up to her if she wants to live that way... Just like its up to me. I don't want to. Its killing me slowly.

 

So for any of you facing the possibility of having an A, let me just be honest with you as to what just the past 72 hours or so gave to me:

 

MM was and then wasn't and then was and then wasn't coming to my town for our anniversary weekend. Then when I thought he wasn't coming, he said he wanted to be with me and was on his way. A conscious effort. Drove almost 4 hours. Packed a bag, brought stuff. Even told me he picked out the outfit he had on just for me.

 

F'd my brains out for 24 hours. Told me he loved me. Asked me to come back to his town to spend the next night. We ended up staying in my town because we were too tired to drive. Layed in bed, napped all day. More sex.

 

Me telling him how happy I was. Him reciprocating. Him telling me there was no way he was going back to his W, no matter what, because that path wasn't there anymore. She had closed that door.

 

More sex. We fixed dinner. I gave him one of my grandmother's quilts because all he has at his new duplex is an air mattress and a sleeping bag (and sheets). He took it, thanking me, telling me he couldn't wait to go snuggle in it.

 

He worked yesterday, so only a phone call last night that ended with him saying "I love you Peanut... have a good night!"

 

This morning when I get to work this text: "I can't do this. I'm going back to try to make my marriage work. I'm sorry. Go love someone who deserves you. Goodbye."

 

And there you have it...

 

I need kind words right now. Please don't be hard. I'm at work and all I can do is try to keep it together before I get fired. I've already been warned.

 

Do you all think he is crazy? Or maybe it was me...

 

Its damn near impossible for me to feel sympathetic for you at this point.

 

Do you see a pattern here IMTK?

IF you don't, then do this.

RE-read every thread you've started. Just skim them.

 

Because NOTHING HAS CHANGED SINCE DAY ONE.

 

NOTHING.

 

Correction. YOU got divorced.

And YOUR job is in jeopardy.

 

Is HE really worth this?

 

And tell me this...WHAT has he provided you aside from a few good orgasms?

 

But don't worry though.

 

He'll be back. As usual.

For a weekend of sex. As usual.

And leave. As usual.

 

He knows EXACTLY what to say.

He knows exactly just how far to push BOTH women.

His playing you like a virtuoso.

 

You clearly haven't lost enough yet.

Haven't suffered enough yet.

I guess you have further to fall and more to lose.

 

Good luck IMTK...you're gonna need that and quite possibly some Divine Intervention.

[I Miss the Kiss]

Nope, he wasn't crazy. Just a selfish coward. And he'll be back. Question is, will you?

 

Please find the strength to finally get off this rollercoaster. You KNOW you would not accept this treatment form a single guy, don't accept from him any longer.

 

And what a coward to break up with you by text. Did I say coward? I did call him a coward, right? You did get that, right?

 

He's married. For whatever reason, his wife knows of his repeated betrayal but wants to keep him. Let her.

 

Yes, COWARD is almost a nice way of describing him. He literally texted me and changed his phone number AGAIN within the same 2 minutes. So now he doesn't have to see a reply from me, hear my broken heart, be told of what a user he is.

 

How does a man do this to someone? He walked out of my apartment with my grandma's quilt, even after I told him (jokingly) how special he is for me to give one of those quilts up, as my grandma is deceased. Complete narcissist.

 

He won't be back.

[donnamaybe]

I'd ask for the quilt back.

 

I could not BELIEVE my eyes when you said you gave him your grandmother's quilt. Ugh!

 

Do NOT let this man back in. He'll only use you again. Be strong - for yourself.

[I Miss the Kiss]

Its damn near impossible for me to feel sympathetic for you at this point.

 

Do you see a pattern here IMTK?

IF you don't, then do this.

RE-read every thread you've started. Just skim them.

 

Because NOTHING HAS CHANGED SINCE DAY ONE.

 

NOTHING.

 

Correction. YOU got divorced.

And YOUR job is in jeopardy.

 

Is HE really worth this?

 

And tell me this...WHAT has he provided you aside from a few good orgasms?

 

But don't worry though.

 

He'll be back. As usual.

For a weekend of sex. As usual.

And leave. As usual.

 

He knows EXACTLY what to say.

He knows exactly just how far to push BOTH women.

His playing you like a virtuoso.

 

You clearly haven't lost enough yet.

Haven't suffered enough yet.

I guess you have further to fall and more to lose.

 

Good luck IMTK...you're gonna need that and quite possibly some Divine Intervention.

 

I absolutely 100% agree with you. Finally I do. I am not even crying this time. I just can't. He is a sick, sick man. Yes, I let him back in over and over, but I loved him enough to think maybe I could help him be a better man.

 

His W is left to try to make him into a good husband, something he has no capacity to ever be. that's if she even takes his sorry ass back.

 

I can't even tell you how badly he used me this time. It isn't even appropriate to discuss it here, its that bad.

 

I don't think he will be back, and that's because I think he knows I've finally had enough. Since he changed his number AGAIN after he texted me (yes I tried to call him out of sheer amazement as to what had just happened), he has no way to hear from me even if I tried, and he has no temptation to contact me either. That's how weak he is. If he had a waym he would weaken one night after some beers and call me.

 

This time he won't.

[bananalaffytaffy]

He won't be back.

You're fooling yourself, as you seem to have been all along if you think he won't be back. He'll be back. He'll be back until you finally tell him to f*ck off.

 

He'll keep treating you like trash until you disallow it. Period. Why does he treat you like this? Because you've allowed it again and again in the past. Stop allowing it. Surely by now, a few good orgasms aren't worth the heartbreak you've endured. You can have good orgasms with nearly anybody. I can't imagine he's that talented...

 

So he texted you and then changed his phone number... now that's a show of respect... What a winner.

[donnamaybe]

I loved him enough to think maybe I could help him be a better man.

 

His W is left to try to make him into a good husband, something he has no capacity to ever be. that's if she even takes his sorry ass back.

 

Please, PLEASE, in the future remember one thing: You CANNOT change someone into something they are not. Neither can his wife.

[dreamingoftigers]

When he does call/come back be sure to be friendly and kind, get him to show up with the quilt and then force his ass out the door.

 

Enough. Hopefully you have finally learned that people will treat you as crappily as you let them.

[I Miss the Kiss]

Please, PLEASE, in the future remember one thing: You CANNOT change someone into something they are not. Neither can his wife.

 

I have learned that in spades. Not sure if she has, but so be it. That's not my problem. I can't help but wonder if she's past her point of leting him back in. Please don't tell me not to wonder what she thinks, because this all just happened (the newest text dump) within the last couple of hours. I'm still in the "what the hell happened?" phase and yes I am a human and am curious if she will let him back in. The funny thing is that the reason I'm curious now has more to do with whether or not he is "screwed" in a sense now that he told her to file and then let her, and now has so eloquently dumped me, too, after a weekend sex frolic. Wow, he drove a long way just for sex.

 

I'm strong. Still not crying after two hours. It may be best that it happened right after he was here, it gives me more reason to hate him.

 

But I love him. Right NOW I do. But for once I truly think that someday I will be jusssst fine. He is so sick, I can't even tell you.

[I Miss the Kiss]

When he does call/come back be sure to be friendly and kind, get him to show up with the quilt and then force his ass out the door.

 

Enough. Hopefully you have finally learned that people will treat you as crappily as you let them.

 

The ********* even charged the valet parking at the hotel to my room, which was fine at the time, but now I want my $25 back!

 

He won't come back. In the past I have always written him emails, asking how he's doing etc. I can't even do that this time, I'm cut off. So if he comes back, it will be on his own dime.

 

I guess if his W laughs in his face he might come back. Who knows.

[BlueeyedJonesy]

oooh..IMTK....how much more can you take? I felt the urge to post in your last thread when you said something about his W's reply "Your actions speak volumes, don't call me" it sounds like he is holding on to her and probably filling her head with false promises. I hope you can find the strength to move on and get out of this mess.

[Confused4Now]

The ********* even charged the valet parking at the hotel to my room, which was fine at the time, but now I want my $25 back!

 

He won't come back. In the past I have always written him emails, asking how he's doing etc. I can't even do that this time, I'm cut off. So if he comes back, it will be on his own dime.

 

I guess if his W laughs in his face he might come back. Who knows.

We will see....sad this story sounds like Stampdaddy's....I'm surprised he's hasn't chimed in....this is so painful to read it hurts me. I was like you and man I promised I would never let myself get like that. I'm curious is how are you doing at work? I almost lost my job cause of it. I stepped down of management and took a more technical role.

 

Please do yourself a favor like everyone says step away let him do what he has to do. Big HUGS to you!!!!

[bittersweet memories]

Well, I do thank you all for your advice in my last thread about how my MM came for our weekend. I was planning to follow the advice and back off. In fact, I had not texted him today and didn't intend to. I was going to wait for him.

 

However, as I suspected deep down in my gut, something was wrong. He cannot face the guilty stares and the shun of the community and his family who told him he was ouit of the family.

 

He thinks his wife will take him back (I assume, he never said that). She knows he just spend the weekend with me. Ten or more D-days in 12 months. I guess its up to her if she wants to live that way... Just like its up to me. I don't want to. Its killing me slowly.

 

So for any of you facing the possibility of having an A, let me just be honest with you as to what just the past 72 hours or so gave to me:

 

MM was and then wasn't and then was and then wasn't coming to my town for our anniversary weekend. Then when I thought he wasn't coming, he said he wanted to be with me and was on his way. A conscious effort. Drove almost 4 hours. Packed a bag, brought stuff. Even told me he picked out the outfit he had on just for me.

 

F'd my brains out for 24 hours. Told me he loved me. Asked me to come back to his town to spend the next night. We ended up staying in my town because we were too tired to drive. Layed in bed, napped all day. More sex.

 

Me telling him how happy I was. Him reciprocating. Him telling me there was no way he was going back to his W, no matter what, because that path wasn't there anymore. She had closed that door.

 

More sex. We fixed dinner. I gave him one of my grandmother's quilts because all he has at his new duplex is an air mattress and a sleeping bag (and sheets). He took it, thanking me, telling me he couldn't wait to go snuggle in it.

 

He worked yesterday, so only a phone call last night that ended with him saying "I love you Peanut... have a good night!"

 

This morning when I get to work this text: "I can't do this. I'm going back to try to make my marriage work. I'm sorry. Go love someone who deserves you. Goodbye."

 

And there you have it...

 

I need kind words right now. Please don't be hard. I'm at work and all I can do is try to keep it together before I get fired. I've already been warned.

 

Do you all think he is crazy? Or maybe it was me...

 

Not to be mean but what's new? I am not surprise by this. He'll be back and let the cycle begin.

[I Miss the Kiss]

We will see....sad this story sounds like Stampdaddy's....I'm surprised he's hasn't chimed in....this is so painful to read it hurts me. I was like you and man I promised I would never let myself get like that. I'm curious is how are you doing at work? I almost lost my job cause of it. I stepped down of management and took a more technical role.

 

Please do yourself a favor like everyone says step away let him do what he has to do. Big HUGS to you!!!!

 

I haven't really followed Stampdaddy's story. How is mine similar?

 

Step away and let him do what he has to do? Well, that was what I wa planning to do. Now I don't think he's coming back, even if he gets right with himself.

 

As for work, I'm holding my own today. My boss isn't here, so that's good. But today I'm not even crying. I actually just laughed with a co-worker and it felt good. I REFUSE to let this man ruin any other facet of my life. He helped me ruin my marriage (yes I said HELPED, I know it was my marriage, not his). He ruined my self-esteem and my trust in men. He ruined my self-image because now all I see is myself lying in that bed and giving him my body, mind, and soul. I see his eyes looking into mine, telling me he loved me as we were as close as two people can be. I see him still sitting at my dining room table, eating lunch with me on Saturday, cleaning up my kitchen, telling me how he will always do that for me.

 

It hurts. I do want to cry. I can't let it happen anymore.

 

I don't want him to come back. Please tell me he means it this time and he will just go away.

[whichwayisup]

We will see....sad this story sounds like Stampdaddy's....

 

It does. Just like SD's MW, Kiss's MM never intiated a divorce. If SD's MW's husband had never filed for divorce, there would be no divorce, she'd still be married. So, it does sound like your MM never had any intention of truly leaving, he was forced to, by his wife. And now for whatever reason she's changed her mind and he is jumping at the chance to fix things.

 

Kiss, you're hurting and I feel awful for you. I really hope you're able to accept that it's over this time and do everything in your power to stay in NC mode and allow yourself to begin the grieving process. For real this time, with no hope he 'may' come back.

 

He's messed up and it's time for you to see him for who he is. He isn't going to change.

[whichwayisup]

I don't want him to come back. Please tell me he means it this time and he will just go away.

 

You can't rely on him to stay away. Hope that he means it this time. YOU have to want it over forever and stay strong, make YOUR decision NEVER to let him close to you, let him into your heart.

 

Make yourself accept it's OVER and never look back.

 

Glad you're OK today. Keep busy!

[bittersweet memories]

I have learned that in spades. Not sure if she has, but so be it. That's not my problem. I can't help but wonder if she's past her point of leting him back in. Please don't tell me not to wonder what she thinks, because this all just happened (the newest text dump) within the last couple of hours. I'm still in the "what the hell happened?" phase and yes I am a human and am curious if she will let him back in. The funny thing is that the reason I'm curious now has more to do with whether or not he is "screwed" in a sense now that he told her to file and then let her, and now has so eloquently dumped me, too, after a weekend sex frolic. Wow, he drove a long way just for sex.

 

I'm strong. Still not crying after two hours. It may be best that it happened right after he was here, it gives me more reason to hate him.

 

But I love him. Right NOW I do. But for once I truly think that someday I will be jusssst fine. He is so sick, I can't even tell you.

 

I thought he had a meeting in your area...wonder if it wasn't for that meeting if he would of still drove for the sex.

[I Miss the Kiss]

I thought he had a meeting in your area...wonder if it wasn't for that meeting if he would of still drove for the sex.

 

He didn't arrive til the whole convention was technically over. He got here late Friday night. The convention ended that afternoon. He told his W he was coming "to go to the show with the boys", but even she knew that was a load of bull. Hence her reply, "Your choices speak volumes... don't call me."

 

I am truly curious if she will laugh in his face this time. He has gone running back to her almost every single time he and I have been able to be together (and of course have sex). EVERY TIME he has freaked out the next day and gone crawling back. I do wonder if she's had enough.

 

So yes, he used the meeting as an excuse, but he didn't attend anything that had to do with the meeting. He drove straight to me and left straight from me.

[bentnotbroken]

Haven't we read this before? Keep hope alive, there is always tomorrow.

[Fallen Angel]

I have learned that in spades. Not sure if she has, but so be it. That's not my problem. I can't help but wonder if she's past her point of leting him back in. Please don't tell me not to wonder what she thinks, because this all just happened (the newest text dump) within the last couple of hours. I'm still in the "what the hell happened?" phase and yes I am a human and am curious if she will let him back in. The funny thing is that the reason I'm curious now has more to do with whether or not he is "screwed" in a sense now that he told her to file and then let her, and now has so eloquently dumped me, too, after a weekend sex frolic. Wow, he drove a long way just for sex.

 

I'm strong. Still not crying after two hours. It may be best that it happened right after he was here, it gives me more reason to hate him.

 

But I love him. Right NOW I do. But for once I truly think that someday I will be jusssst fine. He is so sick, I can't even tell you.

 

Yes she will let him back, because he has been telling her all along that he was thinking about coming back; hence her telling him "your choices speak volumes, don't call me..."

 

Had he been telling her all along that he was done with the marriage, there she would have already known his choice, not just be figuring it out.

 

As to his response when she told him she filed for divorce, it was very noncommital to say the least. I mean what kind of response is that? "it is what it is" That leaves the door open for him to say that divorce is what he wanted all along if he finally manned up and chose to divorce, and leaves the door open for him to go begging back to her, when he pussed out as usual.

 

Him waiting for her to file for divorce was your big clue, that way down the road he can blame her for everything, by saying that he didn't want the divorce in the first place, after all, he didn't file, right?

 

As far as you saying he won't be back, and calling him sick, I say of course he will be back, you have a pattern for how things are done in this twisted relationship, he comes to you for a day or so, placates you, builds up your hopes, then runs back to her, dumping you to placate her for a while, then dumps her and comes to you...all around the mullberry bush, the monkey chased the weasel...around and around you all go, chasing each other. And so it will continue, because he is not the only "sick" one in the bunch, there are three players in this drama, and all three like it that way.

 

I know you say you are done this time, just like you said last time, and the time before. Thing is, you have cried wolf so many times that no one (at least not I) believes it anymore. HE IS DESTROYING YOU AND YOU ARE WELCOMING YOUR OWN DESTRUCTION AT HIS HANDS. You know this, but it does not stop you. you know this, but when he calls you will take his call, when he shows up, you will open the door. *sigh*

 

If you really want it to be over, change YOUR phone number. Call his wife and tell her that you are ending the affair. Write him a no contact letter and have it sent registered mail, include a warning that any attempt at further contact will be dealt with by the filing of a restraining order (AND MEAN IT). Get this energy vampire the hell out of your life!!! If you do not, you will be back here next month telling us again about what a wonderful, romantic loving night you spent with him, only to get dumped by text less than 24 hrs later YET AGAIN!!!

[Confused4Now]

You can't rely on him to stay away. Hope that he means it this time. YOU have to want it over forever and stay strong, make YOUR decision NEVER to let him close to you, let him into your heart.

 

Make yourself accept it's OVER and never look back.

 

Glad you're OK today. Keep busy!

Listen to this....all my friends on this board said this!!! If I had listen to everyone here I would have saved myself a year and a half of pain in suffering. SD stayed for 5 or 6 years I stayed for 4 years but enough is enough. YOU have to focus on YOU. He's narcissistic...it's sad. If you can't completely get him out of your life...then make sure you stop the triggers that send you spiraling down. Don't talk about the future cause there is NONE at least right now. Focus on the Do's!!! Stay away from the Dont's and Never's. Then you'll see what you really have...which is just an affair.....

 

Stay strong and keep posting!!! HUGS!!!

[bananalaffytaffy]

I know you say you are done this time, just like you said last time, and the time before.

OP- I've seen your posts say HE'S done, but nowhere on here have I seen you say that YOU are done.

 

You say HE won't be back. You've not said I will NOT ALLOW him to come back.

 

Until you take your power back, he'll always be back. I think you are holding out hope that the W will finally throw him out and he'll come crawling to you.

 

Perhaps we should take bets on how long it takes him to contact you again. Wouldn't it be nice if he got a surprise and found out that YOU had changed YOUR number?

[Fallen Angel]

OP- I've seen your posts say HE'S done, but nowhere on here have I seen you say that YOU are done.

 

You say HE won't be back. You've not said I will NOT ALLOW him to come back.

 

Until you take your power back, he'll always be back. I think you are holding out hope that the W will finally throw him out and he'll come crawling to you.

 

Perhaps we should take bets on how long it takes him to contact you again. Wouldn't it be nice if he got a surprise and found out that YOU had changed YOUR number?

 

I will drop a five on FOUR DAYS. That is part of the game they play, he changes his number, she does not, he contacts her again, pop goes the weasel (they have sex), he dumps her again goes back to the wife, pop goes the weasel (they have sex ), he dumps the wife to be "on his own" (or the wife boots him out), he calls OP ... just thinking about it gets exhausting...