Aneesah Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 My boyfriend and i have been together since the year 2010 started.. but he broke up with me a month and a half ago.. he broke up with me initially saying tht he was having alot of problems and tht he couldnt concentrate in his studies.. his major exams are supposed to happen this year.. he also told tht his family came to know abt us and they wanted him to break up with me so he could concentrate in his studies.. i understood and accepted to be friends for nw.. but he decided to delete me off his social networks like facebook and msn after a week.. i was confused.. he didnt really respond to my texts either and i wasnt texting him continously.. just texted him a few times.. so i decided to give him space and let him know tht ill still be here if he ever wants me around again and tht i love him still..and also tht i respect his wishes..but after about a month, i realised that he moved house so he changed school and didnt have to do his major exams anymore.. nw looking back, what is the reason for us to be apart now?? everything's changed..it isnt abt studies anymore.. what is it then?? i didnt contact him for abt 2 weeks.. even after a month and a half since the breakup, everyday i wake up thinking abt him and go to sleep dreaming of him, how it was used to be.. i feel so lost and depressed.. he also hasnt contacted me since.. i really dont know what to do anymore.. should i try to contact him or dont contact him?? he seems to be moving on from his facebook profile but i dont know for sure.. he even said tht he still loved me when he broke up with me and said tht if we were meant to be together in the future, he'll love me and be with me..i wonder if it was true or not.. what move should i take?? please help..
BubbleFreak Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 He's probably already got a gf. And he was flirting with you and it went too far. And then he realised oh ****, and then broke up with you and has ceased all contact. That's my guess.
EthanH Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 ok here is my reading of it. The studies thing. His parents were only against you because they thought you were hampering his studies. BUT they must have had reason to think his studies weren't going well if they came to this conclusion. The simple fact is, that for most people at college, work comes first. If he told you that he needed to concentrate on his work and you still pushed him to be with you, that would create resentment when things continued to go badly for him. People put relationships as something to blame when things go badly at college. I remember my ex telling me she thought i was the reason she got a bad mark in a course. She knew of course how stupid it was to say such a thing. I almost laughed. I didn't force her to stay with me and not do work, in fact, i was the one who tried to get her to work. I helped her massively. She used me as a distraction from the pressure of work. When she was with me, she could relax and not think about the impending mess of work which would hit her. So i think this guy began to hate you because he blamed you for his troubles with his studies. He shut you out from facebook and msn for one reason, because he clearly wasn't able to deal with not being with you and realised it was impacting on his studies, being upset about it. Then when the proverbial hit the fan, he looked for scapegoats, probably his parents mentioned you, and he blamed you. Once something like that happens, the idea that he could say to himself, 'she didn't want the best for me' a situation is created whereby he can do his own thing and feel justified. I think you just have to look at it as a chapter in your life. Someone who came into your life, was great for a while, but then went away. Stop looking at his facebook...it isn't going to help you, it will only make you miss him, and for what?... it will do nothing but hurt you. Learn to stop doing things which you know is going to hurt you.
Author Aneesah Posted April 26, 2010 Author Posted April 26, 2010 hmm yea but the thing is since he moved to a new college, he doesnt have to deal with major exams since his new college is mostly abt practical applications.. so it just crosses out his reason for breaking up.. it is just bothering me tht i dont know whats the real reason anymore.. which keeps me from moving on and thinking on what could have been.. i always wanted him to be happy but i also want to keep him as a part of my life.. maybe not as a lover but just want him to be around.. i dont want to shut him off completely.. im trying to look at this in every way as possible so i can see things clearer.. im just faced with a choice with either letting him go simply without any explanations or maybe try contacting him again after some time so we both would have a clearer mindset.. i dont know which to choose.. if i cut off all contact with him maybe one day he'll find tht he misses me or feel tht he has made a right choice by moving on..if he's happier without me then why should i ruin tht but ill nvr really know if he's happier or not.. i will hear him out IF he ever contacts me again.. at the same time,at least ill be moving on a little also.. if i contact him, ill be happy tht theres still some form of communication if he replies.. maybe things can get clarified and get better.. what have i got to lose trying to contact him? everyday i suffer the same kind of hurt without him.. doesnt really matter if i get hurt more..
Ronni_W Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 Hugs, Aneesah. Sometimes it's difficult to wrap your head around it, when the other person does not want what you want. since he moved to a new college, he doesnt have to deal with major exams since his new college is mostly abt practical applications Who told you that? Cos my guess is that they got it totally mixed-up or just plain wrong! No matter what type of studies or curriculum or method of teaching, there are important exams to pass if one wants to graduate or get certified in whatever the field of study. He gave you his real reason for breaking up: you were interfering with his (and his parents') plans for his future. It was valid when he said it to you, and that's really all you must remember...cos that is all you are ever going to have to go by. And he now has valid reasons to not be back in contact with you. The specifics are really not your business anymore, not in reality. In any case, he still has to graduate/get his degree/get certified -- that is all still applicable to his schooling and future career. Given that you've not heard from him, you can safely assume that his life is heading in a different direction than he foresaw it at the beginning of this year. And, where he is headed does not include being with you. There is no point to you wondering about his 'whys and why nots' -- you'll only keep yourself confused, suffering and miserable. It is sad. It is over. It does suck and it does hurt. While you are grieving your loss, be kind to and gentle with yourself. Stay no contact and, as best you can, just go about planning and living the rest of your life. It's all you can do.
Author Aneesah Posted April 27, 2010 Author Posted April 27, 2010 (edited) hmm.. you do make sense, i should not interfere with his life anymore... i cant believe tht im hurt the most.. i gave him all the love he wanted.. we never fought over anything.. and it hits me hard tht this relationship had to end abrupt.. so i shouldnt contact him even after a mth or so to see how is he?? i know this is not the best thing to do but i just cnt lose him ,he's still a part of my life as someone i know.. trying to forget someone u love is like trying to remember someone u never met.. Edited April 27, 2010 by Aneesah
SadKitty78 Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 hmm.. you do make sense, i should not interfere with his life anymore... i cant believe tht im hurt the most.. i gave him all the love he wanted.. we never fought over anything.. and it hits me hard tht this relationship had to end abrupt.. so i shouldnt contact him even after a mth or so to see how is he?? i know this is not the best thing to do but i just cnt lose him ,he's still a part of my life as someone i know.. trying to forget someone u love is like trying to remember someone u never met.. Aneesha, stay strong sweetie! I know it hurts, when you feel like you've given your all in the relationship only to have the person leave. I feel that he compartmentalized you instead of incorporating you into his whole life, and so when he felt he had to devote all his time to studying (or was pressured into it by his family), he did it at your expense, by excluding you. I think for now what's best is to move on. If he feels he's made a mistake, then he'll contact you. Otherwise, just focus on yourself right now. Contacting him will only make you feel more hurt and you'll be resentful by how unjust all this feels. And we all completely understand how you feel. My ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago and it's really hard, to not know what he's up to, how he's doing. But whenever I relapsed and contacted him, I would be even sadder afterwards. It's best to just not contact him for at least a month..we're all in the same boat and all here to support each other. Stay strong!
Author Aneesah Posted April 27, 2010 Author Posted April 27, 2010 thnx.. he does reply but to only certain messages .. otherwise he wouldnt say anything.. its been abt 2 weeks since i last texted him.. im nt gonna text him until i feel tht i shld.. right nw i shld concentrate on my studies,having exams.
Ronni_W Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Good luck with your exams. As best you can, put all your concentration, focus and efforts into doing well...and let the rest of life sort itself out after exams are over. he's still a part of my life as someone i know Well, no. He is NOT a part of your life anymore. He may still have a place in your heart, and he is a part of your prior life experience but that does NOT mean that you can make any claims on him to still be in your current or future life. He is not a part of that. You do not have to "forget" him if you don't want to, or are not yet ready to. You can remember him if you choose to do so, fondly even...but only as part of your past experience. Go 'no contact' forever, cos he is already out of your life permanently. No amount of contact from you is going to change that. "To see how he is," is no excuse to try to squeeze yourself into a place in which you are not really welcome, as evidenced by the way he's been acting towards you since your break-up. It's a horrible thing to experience. Of course it is. But there's nothing that says we have to make it even harder on ourselves. BIG hugs, and wishes for good healing and recovery.
Recommended Posts