MM left family for 2 days then went back to wife!

[Hazyhead]

Wow, I as a BS I cannot imagine an OW having the gall to send me an x-rated dvd of what she and my husband have been up to. Katie, you are seriously unhealthy and sadistic. You cannot see anyone else's pain but your own. You are trying not to deal with your own issues by causing other's grief. You must be out of your mind for dating someone that claimed his wife died and thinking everything would work out to your advantage. You must be out of your mind thinking that the wife had "no right" to try to get her husband to come home. This guy is ridiculous, you are ridiculous and the wife, sounds about standard for a BS.

 

I agree. She is his wife; yes he might have made promises to you, but it is her right, as the person he committed himself to for life, to want to work it out with him if he chooses to too. He's the one you should be angry with, but even then, it will not do you any good to exact revenge directly. You have to accept his decision Katie and take it as a hard lesson learned.

 

The best revenge is walking away with your head held high and living your life without him.

[BlueeyedJonesy]

 

The sense of betrayal is immense and I want his daughter to feel just that, not just his wife.

 

I never thought I could become this unreasonable, but I guess, never say never.

 

If I find out I was made a fool out of

 

I don't give a sh*t what happens to me, I just want them all to suffer as well!

 

I know what it's like to be cheated on, but you can keep taking someone back over and over unless you see that physical evidence. Which I'm sure, will tear the family apart.

 

However, I do have guilt in doing this, which is why I'm asking for help on this forum before I do it - before sending it out.

 

Are you really asking for help? I'm sorry that you are feeling such intense pain right now but what do his children have to do with it?

 

I know that he told you his family did an "intervention" and got him back home but coming from a guy who told you his wife was dead...I wouldn't believe anything he says! I think more than anything you feel defeated...not played. You thought he was going to leave his whole family/wife for you and well..that didn't exactly work out so now you are going borderline "phsyco".

 

Don't do this to yourself...you need to get your head straight and realize you are alot better than this Jerry springer drama that your in...just don't sink to this level! and quit trying to tear his family apart...It doesn't sound like they need your help with a daddy that lies like he does...place the blame on him and HIM only...he didn't trick you into continuing this affair..you knew what you where getting yourself into so move on in a positive way.

[bananalaffytaffy]

I want his daughter to feel just that, not just his wife.

So if your daddy had an affair, how would you feel if the OW decided to send you dirty pictures of daddy? Would that be ok with you?

I want to get over this and I know that by sending it out, it WILL be over.

Don't bet on it. It doesn't work that way.

Thanks. I am 25.

You're acting like you're 12. Grow up.

[quankanne]

The sense of betrayal is immense and I want his daughter to feel just that, not just his wife. I want to get over this and I know that by sending it out, it WILL be over. Maybe it's weakness on my part that tells me that doing something impulsive will force this to BE over.

 

so, instead of handling things like a big girl – after all, you made the very grown-up decision to continue a relationship with a married man who lied to you about his wife being dead – you're gonna pull a junior high stunt because you're "mad"?

 

kid, this is NOT the way to gracefully handle something. Because while it *might* make you feel better being vindictive, it reflects on your character. In a HUGE way. Five, 10, 20 years down the line, is this going to be something you'll be proud of doing? Or even see a need for? Somehow, I think not.

 

I'm sorry for your loss, but you've got to chalk it up to a learning experience and move on to the next stage. Though you made a bad decision, walk away from it with your head held high, knowing that you responded in a classy manner than resort to junior high dramatics.

 

you're better than what behavior you're suggesting, and somehow, I think you know this.

[anne1707]

The sense of betrayal is immense and I want his daughter to feel just that, not just his wife. I want to get over this and I know that by sending it out, it WILL be over. Maybe it's weakness on my part that tells me that doing something impulsive will force this to BE over.

 

 

This possibly counts as one of the most cruel and hurtful things I have ever read on LS.

[bentnotbroken]

Thanks. I am 25.

 

I made sure the videos had no face shot of me. Mostly just from the back and stuff. It's wonders what mac video editing can do. It was all filmed on my iphone.

 

I don't belong to this country where he lives in, all my family members live abroad. I have no boss to answer to as I am a student, and I have no qualms packing up and leaving at this point. In basic terms, I feel I have nothing to lose.

 

The last 3 weeks, I told him not to lay a finger on me unless he was sure he was going to leave his wife. I cried alot, grew a repulsion to food and told him to stay away, closed my email accounts down, etc. He just called and texted and told me how much he loved me and how we were going to work out, it will all be OK. When my older girlfriend (37) told him to leave me alone, he told her he WAS going to leave his wife and would work it out with me. Sadly, I believed him and I feel so taken advantaged of. He asked me to trust him if I loved him and I did. I refused to sleep with him first, but he just came to see me the next day and did it anyway. We were both wrong in that.

 

The sense of betrayal is immense and I want his daughter to feel just that, not just his wife. I want to get over this and I know that by sending it out, it WILL be over. Maybe it's weakness on my part that tells me that doing something impulsive will force this to BE over.

 

I never thought I could become this unreasonable, but I guess, never say never. If I find out I was made a fool out of - that he intended to jerk me around until the very last second before he dropped it, I don't give a sh*t what happens to me, I just want them all to suffer as well!

 

I know what it's like to be cheated on, but you can keep taking someone back over and over unless you see that physical evidence. Which I'm sure, will tear the family apart.

 

However, I do have guilt in doing this, which is why I'm asking for help on this forum before I do it - before sending it out.

 

You are a real piece of work. :mad:You WANT his child and wife to hurt because you couldn't be adult enough NOT fall for his lies and sleep with him. What you sow you will reap. I pray you are a troll and this is only for the drama of posting.

[xxoo]

The sense of betrayal is immense and I want his daughter to feel just that, not just his wife. I want to get over this and I know that by sending it out, it WILL be over.

 

Wait...his daughter??

 

Are you considering sending a sex tape to a minor? I don't know where you live, but where I live that would land you in jail.

 

You are playing with fire. Please get some help before you do something that you will regret for a long, long time.

[katiecox]

My father DID betray my mother, many times. She took him back every time.

 

I understood what it felt like to be a child growing up that that sh*t going around. So I know where it really bites.

 

Sorry if I am sadistic. There is a thin line where love turns to hate.

 

Sorry if I offended you all!

[anne1707]

That makes it even worse. You know how bad it would feel yet you still consider doing it

[dreamingoftigers]

Thanks. I am 25.

 

I made sure the videos had no face shot of me. Mostly just from the back and stuff. It's wonders what mac video editing can do. It was all filmed on my iphone.

 

I don't belong to this country where he lives in, all my family members live abroad. I have no boss to answer to as I am a student, and I have no qualms packing up and leaving at this point. In basic terms, I feel I have nothing to lose.

 

The last 3 weeks, I told him not to lay a finger on me unless he was sure he was going to leave his wife. I cried alot, grew a repulsion to food and told him to stay away, closed my email accounts down, etc. He just called and texted and told me how much he loved me and how we were going to work out, it will all be OK. When my older girlfriend (37) told him to leave me alone, he told her he WAS going to leave his wife and would work it out with me. Sadly, I believed him and I feel so taken advantaged of. He asked me to trust him if I loved him and I did. I refused to sleep with him first, but he just came to see me the next day and did it anyway. We were both wrong in that.

 

The sense of betrayal is immense and I want his daughter to feel just that, not just his wife. I want to get over this and I know that by sending it out, it WILL be over. Maybe it's weakness on my part that tells me that doing something impulsive will force this to BE over.

 

I never thought I could become this unreasonable, but I guess, never say never. If I find out I was made a fool out of - that he intended to jerk me around until the very last second before he dropped it, I don't give a sh*t what happens to me, I just want them all to suffer as well!

 

I know what it's like to be cheated on, but you can keep taking someone back over and over unless you see that physical evidence. Which I'm sure, will tear the family apart.

 

However, I do have guilt in doing this, which is why I'm asking for help on this forum before I do it - before sending it out.

 

As the daughter of a father that cheated, this is nothing short of cruel to strike at someone that has NOTHING to do with your misery. You are trying to indulge in other's suffering to escape your own. The only way to deal with your suffering is to go through it and get your just desserts.

 

Find some self-worth. Or in the end you suffer the most.

[bananalaffytaffy]

My father DID betray my mother, many times. She took him back every time.

 

I understood what it felt like to be a child growing up that that sh*t going around. So I know where it really bites.

 

Sorry if I am sadistic. There is a thin line where love turns to hate.

 

Sorry if I offended you all!

I highly doubt any of your father's OW ever set out to hurt you personally. Especially not to the point of sending pornography. That's just sick.

[dreamingoftigers]

My father DID betray my mother, many times. She took him back every time.

 

I understood what it felt like to be a child growing up that that sh*t going around. So I know where it really bites.

 

Sorry if I am sadistic. There is a thin line where love turns to hate.

 

Sorry if I offended you all!

 

Then what does this all tell you? You are repeating a pattern to indulge in your own self-loathing. By taking permission to be angry, you are taking permission to act shamefully. This whole situation is self-shaming. It sounds like your childhood is coming back on you in a big way seek IC. At this point you do not have the resources within yourself to have a healthy relationship with ANYONE, especially yourself. Poor relationship modelling from your parents solidifies that.

 

As much as you may think, this is not about making them suffer, it is about giving yourself permission to do shameful things. Now you get to figure out why. Making them suffer only takes you further from the direction you need to go in order to become a healthy person and have healthy relationships.

 

This relationship was not going to be fulfilling anyways. Hurting that kid isn't going to change anything except to blast whatever shreds of self-respect you might have left. Raise the bar for yourself and try again. Don't fall into bed so damn quick with someone you barely know.

[ADF]

I don't know if this will calm you down, but consider the following:

 

As someone who works in family law, I can tell you that MM end up dumping the OW and going back to their wives 9 times out of 10. This is not necessarily because they care more for their wives. They stay with their wives because it is SO much easier. Leaving the wife for the OW means getting divorced. That is a long, bitter, hellish process that can lead to the MM's financial ruin. Dumping the OW carries much less risk, so that is what the majority of MM do.

 

Also consider that any man who can carry on a clandestine affair right under his wife's nose is, by definition, an expert liar. Not only does he have to manage the logistics of keeping the affair secret, he has to do it while smiling. He cannot let his wife see any signs of stress that could give him away. Men who can do this successfully are virtual sociopaths. They need many of same skills career con men do. Is that someone you want to share you life with?

[katiecox]

 

Also consider that any man who can carry on a clandestine affair right under his wife's nose is, by definition, an expert liar. Not only does he have to manage the logistics of keeping the affair secret, he has to do it while smiling. He cannot let his wife see any signs of stress that could give him away. Men who can do this successfully are virtual sociopaths. They need many of same skills career con men do. Is that someone you want to share you life with?

 

 

You make good point, ADF. I hope all this anger goes away soon.

[bittersweet memories]

Exactly. I'm petty and pissed and I want to drag everyone down to h*ll if I'm suffering. It's not fun to be here alone. The best thing out of losing love is making everyone involved feel the same way I do.

 

I'm burning a dvd and mailing it in.

 

Fatal Attraction...Yikes!!

[bittersweet memories]

He may come back in time but someone who told you his wife was dead, well ain't nice is it, just like sending an x-rated dvd to his wife ain't nice. be nice, you'll heal so much quicker if you know you've done the right thing.

 

Sounds like a "Scott Peterson"...said his wife is dead.

[torranceshipman]

Seriously...he tells you his wife died, and you call his WIFE out for acting badly? He has really done a number on you. Why, oh why, would you believe a single word - heck, even PART of a word, that comes out of this guys' mouth? A guy that lies to you at the very start has already shown his true colors and his willingness to disrespect - how could you love a guy like that?

 

And calling his W overweight, and saying there was an ambush...c'mon. I get that you must be so hurt and frustrated now, but you must know deep down that he didn't tell his W he was leaving - that was just a story he told to get a weekend of fun - and that there was no ambush...he just got home from a 'business trip' and kissed his W, said I love you honey (or whatever) and hung with the kids. He is really nasty for playing you like he did - get this trash out of your life - he isn't worth it! And in future when someone tells a lie that huge and - frankly - disturbing - RUN. It means he is an azzhole.

[Passion4Life]

Thanks. I am 25.

 

I made sure the videos had no face shot of me. Mostly just from the back and stuff. It's wonders what mac video editing can do. It was all filmed on my iphone.

 

I don't belong to this country where he lives in, all my family members live abroad. I have no boss to answer to as I am a student, and I have no qualms packing up and leaving at this point. In basic terms, I feel I have nothing to lose.

 

The last 3 weeks, I told him not to lay a finger on me unless he was sure he was going to leave his wife. I cried alot, grew a repulsion to food and told him to stay away, closed my email accounts down, etc. He just called and texted and told me how much he loved me and how we were going to work out, it will all be OK. When my older girlfriend (37) told him to leave me alone, he told her he WAS going to leave his wife and would work it out with me. Sadly, I believed him and I feel so taken advantaged of. He asked me to trust him if I loved him and I did. I refused to sleep with him first, but he just came to see me the next day and did it anyway. We were both wrong in that.

 

The sense of betrayal is immense and I want his daughter to feel just that, not just his wife. I want to get over this and I know that by sending it out, it WILL be over. Maybe it's weakness on my part that tells me that doing something impulsive will force this to BE over.

 

I never thought I could become this unreasonable, but I guess, never say never. If I find out I was made a fool out of - that he intended to jerk me around until the very last second before he dropped it, I don't give a sh*t what happens to me, I just want them all to suffer as well!

 

I know what it's like to be cheated on, but you can keep taking someone back over and over unless you see that physical evidence. Which I'm sure, will tear the family apart.

 

However, I do have guilt in doing this, which is why I'm asking for help on this forum before I do it - before sending it out.

 

so now it proves that MM has finally done the right thing by running away from you . He might find another ow quite easily .

[MizFit]

katie...your dad hurt you...his OW had to do nothing to introduce that hurt to you. My dad did the same thing. He cheated on my mother and every time I saw her cry my heart broke. His OW had nothing to do with what was inflicted on my family, my father did.

 

Please...let this man truly take what's coming to him. I believe in my heart of hearts the WS bears all of the blame for the betrayal of the BS. If you put that dvd together and you set out to blatantly hurt an innocent child I will have to put you down as one OW I could and would blame for the hurt and destruction.

 

Please don't do it...if not for him or his wife, for the child. Let her be a child...don't show her how cruel the world is...her father will do that soon enough. It actually sounds as though he's doing it to her now.

 

Please...please take hold of yourself before you do something you regret. Please come back in here and hold your head high and let us know you took the high road on this.

 

I could almost sit here and cry for that child right now.

[seren]

Katie, please carefully think about what you are thinking of doing. I am sure that if you send a DVD to his daughter you could be charged with sending pornography to a minor, at the least. Even if she is older, it is an unspeakably cruel thing to even think about, no matter how angry you are. Does he even deserve this much anger?

 

As an aside, if OW had wanted to play mind games with me, well so be it, but draw my child into it and there wouldn't be a safe hiding place for her to hide for I would exact my own revenge and it would not have been pretty.

 

I understand you are hurt, angry and pissed off, but, as countless OW have said in the past, their marriage really has nothing to do with you, BS should mean nothing to you, certainly not a child.

 

I hope you have reconsidered and are in a better (emotional) place soon.

[georgia girl]

Katie,

 

I understand you're hurt, angry and incredibly bitter. I also understand that in your emotional state, you just want to lash out and hurt others while not perhaps being fully aware of what it could do to you. You say you have nothing to lose, but I would argue differently. You have so much to gain.

 

Like another poster, I also work in law. I've spent the better part of my career working with people who made one mistake and that mistake has cost them everything - their families, their self-respect, their careers, their futures and their freedoms. (And as another poster mentioned, simply mailing pornographic material to a minor is a criminal offense in the US.)

 

When I work with these people, I see their shattered lives. Not only are they still reeling from the incident that caused them to make a bad judgment in the first place, but now they have the double-whammy of the consequences of their bad act.

 

Therefore, please slow down. Please pause and take a deep breath. Then, consider what you have to learn from this. Yes, life is hard and people are going to be unfair to you. They will use you, manipulate you and hurt you. Even the best people sometimes treat others horribly wrong. But there is no one in the world who can control how you respond but you.

 

Take this as a learning opportunity. Practice not responding in anger or hurt. Learn how to take a cooling off period before you act. It's one of life's toughest lessons but once learned, it's one of your greatest skills. You can do this.

 

If you sent this DVD or continued to act out in pain, it only truly hurts you. It makes you look desperate, pathetic and perhaps even stalkerish. It borders on criminal activity. However, if you calm down and decide not to react, then you only position yourself to be successful.

 

Don't make this about her, him or their daughter. Make it about you and the woman you want to become. A woman who others will respond positively to.

 

Good luck and please, rethink your actions.

[georgia girl]

And sorry for the TJ, but please, for the love of God, would women please pass on to other women NOT to make sex videos with their partners! Do you know how many young women I see in my office trying to get an injunction against an ex-boyfriend from sharing a sex video? And how often that by the time they get to me it's already been distributed on the internet?

 

I know it sounds sexy, racy and a turn-on, but please quit doing it. Someday, you'll be a momma or an aunt or somebody's Godmother and the last thing you want is a child looking at you naked performing sexual acts. I've seen so many women personally devestated by these videos.

 

Okay, back to the regular programming of this thread...

[Just a stone's throw]

I am truly apalled that you would send something to his daughter. Being the daughter of a cheater who at 14 or 15 would have received something like this I can't imagine what that would have done to me psycologically.

 

Please leave the daughter out of it. She doesn't deserve to be involved in this very corrupt and very disturbing mind game that you're playing.

 

Seriously, I think you need to check yourself into a hospital because what you're suggesting (in writing, no less) is just apprehensible.

 

And THAT is coming from someone who cheated on her husband. I found something apprehensible. Wow, you really have to take that one in the gut because I have so far not judged a soul on this sight.

[Fouts]

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned

[John Who]

If life is as horrible as he says it is when he is with his W,then he would not be there bottom line!

 

He has already showed you he is a crazy liar,my W is dead!why would you possibly believe him now about being forced into staying M.

 

If sending his W x rated pictures and video of you and MM is what you want and is going to make you feel better go ahead,but when you do be sure to show your family mom,dad etc as well so they to can see what you took part in.

 

Bottom line keep those pics and video to yourself it was a private moment,and it would be a low class move to send them.

 

Plus I think it might be a crime for a adult to send a minor x rated images,do you want to go to jail???

 

No class at all,just be a big girl and suck it up,you got dumped move on get yourself some help and I mean that in the most sincere way.

 

Work on yourself,trust me you will feel like a fool if you send those images.

Edited April 26, 2010 by John Who