bluryy Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 Hello loveshack, after reading through all this threads, i felt perhaps maybe you guys can decipher what's happening for me and my girl. So after 9 months of high and low, my girlfriend decided to end this relationship. But the reason she ended it, was a little ridiculous. So me and my friends were having supper that fateful night together with her, and somehow my friend started to bash girls, talking about how they act when they PMS and stuff like that. Throughout the conversation, i remained quiet and somehow seemingly agreed with what my friend said. At the start we were still laughing and joking about it, but after that i walk her back home, i realized that something just wasn't right. The next day i messaged her and i realized that she was really upset about it. I then realized that she was upset about the fact that she was just another kind of girl that my friends have described in my eyes. Than following that, a heated argument came along. Sarcasm, tons of it. Finally, the next day, she sent an email saying that she's tired of this relationship and decides to end it. So at the start, i was really pissed because she was always talking about breaking up each time we quarrel. And so this time, i decided to break off as what she had said. Next the dreaded NC for the next 3 days, and ultimately i caved in and messaged her again. The main message she wanted to say, "leave me alone, we are not compatiable." and the next day i called her telling her that i wanna talk to things out, same thing, "i just want to have my life uninterupted right now, im already very selfish by ending this relationship, and i dont wanna do anything further by giving you a false impression that there is a turning point for us." So what's next? i'm pretty sure she has got a good deal of feelings for me because we are each other's first and there are many things that we have went through altogether. Anyone can give any advices? (: sorry for the long post. =/
monkeymaid Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 we all make mistakes. you ended it, now you have to let her go for a few weeks. let her calm down. then knock on her door and beg. you pulled the plug. she just got upset. now shes pissed. ket her have her feelings. you better oil up those lips cuz you have some ass to kiss
Author bluryy Posted April 26, 2010 Author Posted April 26, 2010 Hey, i didn't end this relationship. She did. She emailed me, and asked for the breakup and everything. And we didnt even get a chance to talk. So technically, im still in the wrong?
monkeymaid Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 sorry bud, i misred that!! its her job to reconcile then. you are in the clear!! let her have her space still. ...she needs to miss you now. youve stated your case, now let it sink in. shell call in a few days-weeks!
Author bluryy Posted April 26, 2010 Author Posted April 26, 2010 No problem bro. Well, i know that she's hurt. and i know that she's terrribly hurt because i did bump into her today, and she appeared to be kind of sad... but on the other hand, she doesn't want me to comfort her. What do i do? If i let go, im afraid she may feel that im happier without her, but if i cave in, she tries to appear strong in front of me, and tells me she doesnt need me.
USMCHokie Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 What do i do? If i let go, im afraid she may feel that im happier without her, but if i cave in, she tries to appear strong in front of me, and tells me she doesnt need me. Let her go. This is over. She said it straight to your face. Yes, of course she's hurting...she just broke up with someone...but that doesn't mean she wants to be with you again...hell, a month after my ex left me, I went to see her, and yea, I could tell she still missed me...but that didn't mean she wanted to be with me again... I don't understand why people are so insistent on trying to rescusitate a dead relationship...you know that there are other women out there, right...? Yea, if you let go, she might see that you're happier without her, but what the hell, dude, why wouldn't you want to be happier!??!? I know you still care about her, but she's not in your life anymore, so who the heck cares what she thinks or feels...? I know it's going to be tough, but move on. NC. Done. Next, please.
Ilovecake Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 Sounds like your ex wants nothing to do with you yet you still ignore her wisheds. My advice is move on with your life, grow up and learn a little something about sensitivity. I can't believe you would gang up on your girlfriend with your friends, that's awful. I actually broke up with a guy once because he was making fun of women with his friends, I realized that's a major flaw in his character and it was definitely a line I draw with men. I do not date men that do not like women.
northstar1 Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 I'm afraid you need to let this one go. She may have had doubts for a while and the incident was just the final straw. Either way. I'm seeing nothing here to say she is willing to try again. She is hurting and doesn't want to talk, but she is also being pretty clear and upfront with you that she doesn't want to talk. You need to just grant her her wish and disappear. She might decide down the road she's willing to talk again, but that's a pretty slim chance and not worth waiting on. I'm sorry that you are in pain, but I think you're only option here is to go NC and find your own happiness.
Author bluryy Posted April 27, 2010 Author Posted April 27, 2010 uh huh. so right now, the best thing is to just let her go? But it has kinda become a habit for me. AND AND AND, i did not gang up with my friends against her. My friend just brought it up out of nowhere, and suddenly started bashing up girls. But i feel that it's kinda stupid to break up because of this? Just because my friend started talking about how girls behave and i did not speak up for her? and because of this, we broke up? thanks for all the replies. keep it coming! (;
SadKitty78 Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Honestly, that was the most absurd reason for breaking up with someone, especially since it was a misunderstanding such as that! I really think she was already having doubts and that was the final straw. Agree with northstar on that. Otherwise, at some point, if she was upset by just that incident, she would at least want to hear you out so that you could explain the misunderstanding. I say move on and do NC. If she wants to contact you she will. I really think you're better off since she was not 100% in this relationship...
Author bluryy Posted April 27, 2010 Author Posted April 27, 2010 Yes, exactly. Okay, i mean, we do not even talk about anything and poof. It was all gone in a flash? i mean, she said that she wants a quiet breakup, and she knows it her fault and bla bla bla, but look, im not even given a chance to speak. You call that a breakup? It hilarious. It was an act of impulsiveness!
SadKitty78 Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 I understand why you're upset! People don't understand and think that it's easy to move on since she wasn't really invested in the relationship, but sometimes relationships that end over STUPID reasons such as that, (at least that's the reason you were given), makes it harder to move on! It's like, "Really? We broke up over THIS?" So what you should take away from all this is that it really was something more, something deeper, than just that. And if somehow it was really just that misunderstanding, then it's her loss for acting so impulsive and throwing away a great relationship because of something that, at worse, should be a minor argument! Stay strong!!!
Author bluryy Posted April 27, 2010 Author Posted April 27, 2010 Yeah, she did invested alot. In fact, we both had alot of trust and faith in this relationship. But to end if off just like that? i cannot believe it. I thought, you know we could have talk it over, or at least explained. but boom, gone. There it goes. Im like, HUH? Are you kidding me? A 9 month relationship is that weak?
SadKitty78 Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Yeah, she did invested alot. In fact, we both had alot of trust and faith in this relationship. But to end if off just like that? i cannot believe it. I thought, you know we could have talk it over, or at least explained. but boom, gone. There it goes. Im like, HUH? Are you kidding me? A 9 month relationship is that weak? But perhaps to HER, the foundation was weak. Or perhaps she's the type of person who bails when she starts to get close to someone - fear of abandonment, fear of getting hurt. Honestly it could be anything, but you should try to not dwell so much on the why, but the what, and the what is, she ended it. Give her her space and if she wants to work it out, she'll contact you. Constantly contacting her will just annoy her and push her away. If she doesn't contact you, then you've already started the process of NO CONTACT and on your way to moving on.
Author bluryy Posted April 27, 2010 Author Posted April 27, 2010 i guess. I did look for her and messaged her, but ultimately, the msg i got was to just stop looking for her. Damn. i guess, we should just protect ourselves more the next time we get into a relationship?
fooled once Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Hello loveshack, after reading through all this threads, i felt perhaps maybe you guys can decipher what's happening for me and my girl. So after 9 months of high and low, my girlfriend decided to end this relationship. But the reason she ended it, was a little ridiculous. So me and my friends were having supper that fateful night together with her, and somehow my friend started to bash girls, talking about how they act when they PMS and stuff like that. Throughout the conversation, i remained quiet and somehow seemingly agreed with what my friend said. At the start we were still laughing and joking about it, but after that i walk her back home, i realized that something just wasn't right. The next day i messaged her and i realized that she was really upset about it. I then realized that she was upset about the fact that she was just another kind of girl that my friends have described in my eyes. Than following that, a heated argument came along. Sarcasm, tons of it. Finally, the next day, she sent an email saying that she's tired of this relationship and decides to end it. So at the start, i was really pissed because she was always talking about breaking up each time we quarrel. And so this time, i decided to break off as what she had said. Next the dreaded NC for the next 3 days, and ultimately i caved in and messaged her again. The main message she wanted to say, "leave me alone, we are not compatiable." and the next day i called her telling her that i wanna talk to things out, same thing, "i just want to have my life uninterupted right now, im already very selfish by ending this relationship, and i dont wanna do anything further by giving you a false impression that there is a turning point for us." So what's next? i'm pretty sure she has got a good deal of feelings for me because we are each other's first and there are many things that we have went through altogether. Anyone can give any advices? (: sorry for the long post. =/ She doesn't have to justify to you why she has chosen to not be with you anymore. You may not like her reason or agree with it or think it is stupid, but for HER, it is over. uh huh. so right now, the best thing is to just let her go? But it has kinda become a habit for me. AND AND AND, i did not gang up with my friends against her. My friend just brought it up out of nowhere, and suddenly started bashing up girls. But i feel that it's kinda stupid to break up because of this? Just because my friend started talking about how girls behave and i did not speak up for her? and because of this, we broke up? thanks for all the replies. keep it coming! (; You need to accept it that she just isn't that into you. You like her more than she likes you. She made a decision, she doesn't owe you anything and if anything, you pestering her about her reasons for breaking up with you will either just piss her off OR make her realize she made the best decision...for her. It hurts, but let it go and let her go. She has a right to decide when she no longer wants to see someone.
USMCHokie Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 i guess. I did look for her and messaged her, but ultimately, the msg i got was to just stop looking for her. Damn. i guess, we should just protect ourselves more the next time we get into a relationship? This is not the right attitude to have in approaching future relationships. You need to learn to recognize when it's time to move on and accept each relationship you have as just a part of the continuum that is your life...people will come and go...you will have good times, you will have bad times...but it's your ability to pick up from a loss or breakup that will make life's transitions a lot smoother...people come together and separate...it's just a part of life...
northstar1 Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 ...people come together and separate...it's just a part of life... This really stuck out for me, and is so damn true. People come into your life and while it lasts, it can be a wonderful thing. But it doesn't always last. And while you can remember the great times, you need to also remember that you were a person with goals, interests, friends etc before you met them, and you will be after it ends. Very little in life is permanent
SadKitty78 Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Very little in life is permanent This, my friend, are words of wisdom! Keeping this is mind can alleviate you from so much pain and suffering. Only taxes and death are certain!
northstar1 Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 This, my friend, are words of wisdom! Keeping this is mind can alleviate you from so much pain and suffering. Only taxes and death are certain! Very true. It took a while to sink in for me since it is so easy to look back and remember all the good times and lament over why they only exist in the past. Once you can let go of the struggle to understand why it cannot last and why you can't go back, is the time when you can close the book and look for a new one.
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