TechnoTed Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 I know this question must get asked a lot. I'm past emotional overreactions and want to do the best thing I can do to make her want me back again. I dated my girlfriend for nearly 6 years. She broke up with me about 3 weeks ago. Initially I took it really hard, freaked out and argued a lot with her. I know I made some mistakes there but I'm hopeful I can turn it around. She has said she needs time to figure out what she wants and if we should be together. She just graduated from grad school so she obviously has a lot of uncertainties in her future. Obviously after dating for more than half a decade, we were very very close but I guess she has some things to figure out on her end. Right now I am being a friend, giving her lots of distance. We still talk daily but 95% of the time I wait for her to make the first move and text/message me. She has told me on a few occassions since we broke up that she's has been a little sad without me but she doesn't want to come back to me out of fear. Also, she says she feels guilty/sick when she's around/out with other guys. (We have a very open dialogue.) So, what should I do? I think I'm doing okay in being confident and a little distant, but do you smart people have any other ideas?! Thanks so much in advance. She was my best friend, so I dont have very many other people to talk to right now. I'm seeing a concert with her and her friend next weekend, that we'd bought tickets for ages ago. I'm also seeing another concert with her friend as well. Im thinking that the way I behave in these two situations can either make or break me. THANKS PEOPLE OF LOVESHACK!
Arabella Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 I understand that you're very close and you want to maintain that closeness so she will return to you... but that will have the opposite effect. She's using you as moral support to get on with her life! Make yourself unavailable to her. Make her miss you and the things that you two shared. Only then, there is a realistic chance that she will come back to you. Best of luck, Arabella
Tim The Enchanter Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 If someone breaks up with you, the only person who can bring them back is the person themself. You say that she initiates contact 95% of the time? That's 5% too much contact on your part! You are going about this in completely the wrong way, and it will only lead to greater heartbreak for you.
Author TechnoTed Posted April 26, 2010 Author Posted April 26, 2010 Thanks for the advice. I will reduce contact. Do you have any advice on how to behave when I am around her or with her friend?
Arabella Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 You shouldn't be around her at all unless she asks you to meet her to have a conversation about you two getting back together... so that's a non issue. Arabella
GrayClouds Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Tech read and do the following, it is the best advice you can get: So you want a second chance? I wish you luck
Ilovecake Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 I'm probably going to get yelled at for posting what I'm about to but I feel like your relationship isn't completely a lost cause. I would say you are doing the right thing by giving her space and not being needy and clingy right now. I would take solace in the fact that she is initiating communication with you, it means she still hasn't given up 100%. Unfortunately because she initiated the break up the ball is in her court. She's probably in a pretty fragile place right now and teetering between staying and bailing, anything you do right now can push her over the edge either way, depending on how much she wants to end it. It's a crappy place to be as the dumpee but that's just how it is. All you can really do to not push her away right now is give her space but be receptive when you speak with her, don't bring up relationship stuff unless she initiates the conversation. You can't make her stay but you can very easily push her away. Right now in the state of mind she's probably in she's wavering but looking for a reason to solidify her decision to end the relationship, don't give her one...just be cool. I'm not saying that this will work but it will work better than being pushy. Good luck!
Ilovecake Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 You shouldn't be around her at all unless she asks you to meet her to have a conversation about you two getting back together... so that's a non issue. Arabella This is very good advice. There is no reason to meet unless she wants to discuss the relationship. You have to show her that you're not a pushover and aren't wishy washy. Don't fall for the friend trap.
Author TechnoTed Posted April 29, 2010 Author Posted April 29, 2010 Thanks for the feedback everybody. Our communication has diminished a little over recent days, but she still initiates our conversations. I never start things but when approached, I'll carry on nicely and act mature. She's been drinking a lot recently. Living a life she never did before. I swear, during the 6 years we dated, she maybe drank 6 times. Since leaving me she's been out drinking all the time. Probably 6+ times in these 4 short weeks since we've been apart. The other night she came on MSN after having a few drinks at her girlfriends apartment and was like "hello? hello? youuu hate me. it's okay, you shouldnt like me, i guess". I wasnt sure how to respond to this other than denying that I hate her. It's one thing to be unavailable or distant, but I dont want her to think that I hate her. My good friend from work says this is a good sign. She is getting worried by my behaviour. My patience is really growing thin. It's frustrating to wait, but I love this girl in the truest sense of the word.
TaraMaiden Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 Thanks for the feedback everybody. Our communication has diminished a little over recent days, but she still initiates our conversations. I never start things but when approached, I'll carry on nicely and act mature. You really don't understand the concept of 'No Contact' do you? 'No Contact' means not responding to anything, or engaging in any discussion or conversation that does not include the initial phrase from her, "I desperately want you back because I was the dumbest idiot ever to break up with you." Have you read the Complete No Contact guide, by Caliguy? Check out my signature. THAT'S the way to go, bro'! My good friend from work says this is a good sign. She is getting worried by my behaviour. your 'good friend from work' couldn't be more wrong. How do I know? Have you any idea how many times we've all seen this on here? Really? We've lost count..... She's throwing a self-pity party, and throwing you breadcrumbs, keeping you dangling and feeding her ego, to see whether she still registers on your radar. if you respond, she still has a hold over you. And it seems she does, doesn't it? How does it feel to be a breadcrumb-eating dangler? My patience is really growing thin. It's frustrating to wait, but I love this girl in the truest sense of the word. Really? That's a shame. Because she doesn't love you, in the truest sense of the word. She dumped you. Why? because ultimately, the bottom line was that you weren't worth the effort of being with. You're fun to have around, sure. She loves bouncing you like a rubber ball. But being with you? Naah. This is more fun....
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