Bootsky Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 We broke up about a year ago, she has been seeing other ppl. I have as well, through it all we have maintained some contact. for the past few months (3-4) we have had some pritty serious conversations about "us" She has told me that she loves me numerous times. Through a mutual friend I have heard about her feelings about me. Basically she wants to be with me, but she doesn't want to officially work on things untill we are living in the same town. (this will happen in a few months) What she means is that she still wants to see other ppl and be able to do what she wants no strings attached untill then. So within the last few months we have got together for dinner or small get togethers with friends,. Although I have stayed at her house a few times. No we did not have sex everytime, just once out of the 4 or 5 times. basically it came down to me needing a place to stay and her place was the only place. anyways, being in college I understand that we are young and she wants to have her fun. I love the girl. Im not sure if I should go NC, although Im sure most of you will say that is the only answer.
Author Bootsky Posted April 26, 2010 Author Posted April 26, 2010 Let me just add, the break up was mutual. Going into the breakup we both stated that we need some time apart. Things were getting in the way basically both of us being young...So from the begining of this we both have had it in mind that we are just doing this to better our relationship (judging by the convos we have had it has done nothing but strengthen our understanding of eachother) IMO......So idk...I guess my post is more of a rant than anything, I appreciate any comments....
EthanH Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 She is just keeping you waiting around. She is having it all her way, playing the field while keeping the idea that she wants you to be around when she comes to your town. How long until you are going to be in the same town? In my experience, a girl like this just wants support, she wants to know if she falls over, someone will be there, but if she is fine, she will look for something more...you are her safety net. Maybe I'm wrong, I can understand why her getting back with you before you are in the same town wouldn't work. But I still think, if you care about someone enough to think you want to be with them in the future, you don't want to be with anyone before then...she doesn't have to have a guy at all times. The age thing is certainly part of the problem. She is young, so she is going to change her mind every 5 mins. It's not, I don't think, that she specifically wants to be with anyone else, it is just the general scenario of settling with you. You need to look at how unbalanced it is. You say you both accepted you needed time apart, but your post shows, that you are still hooked on this girl, while she is out enjoying herself (or at least pretending so)...and secondly, I don't agree that any break-up can be mutual, there always has to be someone who initiates it, just because the other one accepts it, or even maybe had been thinking the same thing, but just hadn't acted, doesn't mean it is mutual. I bet she was the one who initially initiated it. You are pretending that you were able to accept the break-up, that you are both young, and yet if you are honest, you would admit that it is not that what you want. The truth is, you can't miss someone who is always around. And if you not being there helps her move on and forget you, do you really want to be with someone who is able to do that?
Author Bootsky Posted April 26, 2010 Author Posted April 26, 2010 Well the breakup was actually initiated by me to begin with. From there we talked she wasn hurt but then realized that we do need some time away. I was moving and she had a lot going on. So that was last spring. I havn't thought about her at all untill she started calling me virtually everyday. I was doing fine without her until then. After talking with her we talked a lot about getting back together. Through mutual friends I have heard that she isn't happy with what she has now, but she doens't want to just sit around at home and not be able to go out. In her eyes right now is about enjoying being single apparently. And I agree why get in such a hurry to settle down? I mean we are young. My only thing is that I tend to look ahead to much...If sometime between now and then she decides to move on without me, ill be fine...but its pritty apparent that yes, I do care alot about this girl, I just dont know how far I should go to accept what is happening??
wanjirum Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 I can relate. I am as confused as you are, in a similar situation. Should we settle for less?
Author Bootsky Posted May 5, 2010 Author Posted May 5, 2010 I can relate. I am as confused as you are, in a similar situation. Should we settle for less? Wanjirum, I think only time will tell in our situation...It hurts, but I feel I have gone this far, too far to call it off now.... I spent the night with my ex lastnight, basically went on a date, watched a movie and she ended up staying at my place...Im leaving in a week for a job, I am to be gone for 3 months, 22 hour drive from were I am now...So there will be no contact this summer,other than phone, and interenet talk.. (Well maybe) lastnight while getting ready to go to bed, he called her, she wasn't in the room so I brought the phone out to her.....missed the call she called back...I said Im going to bed, she came in after and we talked, she said that we aren't dating so dont act like we are for one, for two she said she cant stop people from calling her, three she said that she doesn't have anymore than a casual friendly relationship with the guy anymore.... So at this point I dont know what to do. one of the reasons we broke up was that she was always going out and hanging out with friends, guys and girls a like without me...and I would get upset, she felt like she couldn't do anything and she didn't like that one bit....I know that she was faithful (I like to know that she can enjoy just being with me and not have to go out and about all the time) So with that, Its hard for me to say anything to her about talking to this guy while she is still talking/spending some time with me.... I have to accept the fact that she is going to go out as we are not dating...although I feel as though Im going out on a limb here, I think its the only thing for me at this point. We have talked about what we need to do and what will be best for us, but I am constantly thinking that there is more to it, that there is more to talk about, thats when we go round and round ... She keeps coming back!!! So this is why I say time will only tell...soon she will be living in the same town as me. Everything she has said she wants up to this point (be able to enjoy being single, and not worry about us, but at the same time keeping in contact and working on "us") has been proven true time and time again...and friends of mine insist that I dont give up because she is madly in love with me, but due to her social nature she has to go out and be with people....and it just so happens that this friend of hers is a part of the group of people that her and I always were with while we were dating..... In the end however, despite the fact that this post may seem like I would be heartbroken, I can honestly say that if we go through this much BS and she eventually breaks it off with her other guy, then great, but if she continues to see him and she is happy with him... Life goes on....
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