aerogurl87 Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 I'm in a LDR now too and my longest dry spell has been 4 months. Before that the longest was like a month and that's it, then I'd need to get laid, lol. But knowing that I'm waiting to have sex with someone who cares about me as much as I care about them, it makes it all worth it.
gamma1 Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 (edited) As a 38 yr old guy who has yet to have his first kiss...I agree with you. However,I think that most guys who are 30 plus & unexperienced have already figured out why women are not interested in them & have a good grasp on what women want. I actually think one reason that they can't get anything is they sometimes don't have a good grasp of what women want. I'm around your age and am still learning. Others may know what a woman wants, but can't give it to them. It could be both. I've learned women don't like desperation, but good luck to an extremely inexperienced man in trying to hide it. I know all too well. Edited June 26, 2010 by gamma1
Shakz Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 As a 38 yr old guy who has yet to have his first kiss...I agree with you. However,I think that most guys who are 30 plus & unexperienced have already figured out why women are not interested in them & have a good grasp on what women want. I don't think that knowing what women want will eventually lead to success.For instance,I think that I have a pretty good idea of what women are generally looking for & desire;.But I personally can't give it to them. I think that for Disillusioned & ABrokenWing that it will get to the point (as it has for me) that being alone,inexperienced & unsuccessful with women...will become part of their identity....something that partly defines them. I don't mean to offend but that really sounds like a defeatist attitude. The idea that you simply lack the ability to give a woman what she desires and that this somehow defines you to any extent just doesn't wash. It's a bit like saying, "well I'll never be happy and I'm happy with that."
Mr White Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 I was talking to my LDR boyfriend tonight, joking around saying how sex every four to five weeks sucks when you have a bf/gf. He said: "This is the longest I've had to go without sex since I was 18." I thought he was kidding, but he wasn't! wtf? The longest I've gone is two years, which is probably on the other side of the spectrum, but really? I don't think going without sex for a month is such a big deal! So I was wondering what everyone else's longest "dry spell" was? 2 years for me, followed by about a year and a half of daily (sic) So, it evens out .
somedude81 Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 As a 38 yr old guy who has yet to have his first kiss...I agree with you. However,I think that most guys who are 30 plus & unexperienced have already figured out why women are not interested in them & have a good grasp on what women want. I don't think that knowing what women want will eventually lead to success.For instance,I think that I have a pretty good idea of what women are generally looking for & desire;.But I personally can't give it to them. My statement was actually a two-pronged statement. As gamma1 pointed out, men who are older and unsuccessful with women, do not know what they want. If they think they know, they are actually wrong because they don't know. That belief that they can't give what women desire, is most likely holding them back. An inexperienced man in his 30's or 40's certaintly has it harder then younger men. But it's not impossible. The most important thing is that the guy has a good steady job, a nice place to live, and a decent care. Those are the bare minimums. After that he needs to look good, I'd actually say the best he possibly can. In other words, a man needs to be in shape, well groomed, and be somewhat well off before he can even consider dating. After that standards need to be lowered and just try getting experience from anywhere, within reason.
TheWatcher Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 I don't mean to offend but that really sounds like a defeatist attitude. The idea that you simply lack the ability to give a woman what she desires and that this somehow defines you to any extent just doesn't wash. It's a bit like saying, "well I'll never be happy and I'm happy with that." No offense taken.I didn't mean to imply that not being able to give a woman what she wants will define you. I meant that being alone & unsuccessful with women will become part of your identity.As time goes by...you'll become more & more comfortable with your situation.Some guys (in similar situations) will slip into a sort of loner persona...that they will be reluctant to let go of. I don't that its really a defeatist attitude.I think that it's more of accepting who & what you are and accepting the situation; and not fooling yourself into thinking that you/it can be any different. In other words, a man needs to be in shape, well groomed, and be somewhat well off before he can even consider dating.The most important thing is that the guy has a good steady job, a nice place to live, and a decent car. In other words, a man needs to be in shape, well groomed, and be somewhat well off before he can even consider dating. That what I meant by knowing what women want but being unable to offer it.The things that you listed are generally accepted as being essentials;very few however are efficient in all of the areas that you mentioned.
somedude81 Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 Yeah I understand. The older a man is, the harder it is to find a woman while lacking the essentials. Women simply except more from a mature man. I made that post with the idea that some of the inexperienced men aged 30+ were lacking in the essentials. All effort needs to be spent to meet the requirements. If it's hard to meet the financial standards, moving to a place with a lower cost of living may be a good idea.
Issues & tissues Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 (edited) I lost my virginity at 23 which ended in a 10 year committed relationship (well from my side at least!). Four years ago I found out that my ex was cheating on me but in spite of everything I decided to forgive and forget. Although we decided to stay together (which we did for another 2 years), our sex life rapidly deteriorated after revelations of him being unfaithful. The trust had been severly broken. During those 2 years we had sex no more than four times. Not long after, we split up and I decided to stay single for a while and remained celibate for 2 years. Last year I met the most wonderful man and finally in February this year the dry spell was over. I asked him to wait several months before we got intimate as I really was not ready for intimacy. If a man really cares and loves you as he says he does, then he is prepared to wait. Dating without sex was a lot of fun as we enjoyed getting to know each other, flirting and getting a little hot under the collar . When we finally did have sex (a la fresco ) it was the best sex either of us had ever experienced and still is!! Taking time out between dates/relationships to recover from a previous relationship is of parmount importance. Don't be in a hurry to get back into the sack again! Enjoy the now indulging in a little "me time"! I forgot to mention that he too had been celibate for 3 years prior to February! Edited June 29, 2010 by Issues & tissues
seekandfind Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 About 9 months while my second girlfriend slowly became ready to lose her virginity to me. It was worth the wait tho We broke up last fall, and I had a 3 month dry spell during winter quarter. Current streak is at 1 month, but this time I want to wait till someone a little more special arrives (last 2 girls were kind of just drunk hook ups, wasn't exactly what i was looking for..)
Green Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Well I didn't first have sex until I was 22... So that right there was like a long dry spell of atleast 18-22.
sally4sara Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 A self imposed 3-4 months as an adult. I can't remember how much time went by between the last time I had sex with my first LT BF and how long I waited before having sex with my second BF. Maybe 6 months?
Citizen Erased Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 I know I'm heading into about a 6 month drought so don't be surprised if I do serious harm to my bf in the next week and a half.
Green Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 I know I'm heading into about a 6 month drought so don't be surprised if I do serious harm to my bf in the next week and a half. He doesn't deserve u
TaraMaiden Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 I don't think being a virgin at 30-plus counts as 'What's the longest you've gone without sex?' I think this Thread question was originally angled at people who have previously had sex, but went for <*insert time/period here*> without it. So, much as I do feel for you guys, I get the impression that being a Virgin isn't part of the rationale, behind the question..... Incidentally, my longest of going without sex, after having had sex, was between 12 - 15 years, give or take. I lost count after 10 years......
Zapbasket Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 One year, one month, and 20 days. By the end of it I was going crazy!
Pyro Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 He doesn't deserve u say what you want but she is mine.
Choboto Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 During a five-year marriage, I went three years without sex. During a 12-year relationship, I went eight years without sex. My last 2 1/2-year relationship went 18 months without sex when I broke up with him. I'm now single and going on month number six with no signs of any prospects. I have a feeling that 2010 will go down for me as an entirely celibate year and I'm single and willing! which is why i dont understand why women dont go get it. they want it, but wont get it?
Choboto Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 I actually think one reason that they can't get anything is they sometimes don't have a good grasp of what women want. I'm around your age and am still learning. Others may know what a woman wants, but can't give it to them. It could be both. I've learned women don't like desperation, but good luck to an extremely inexperienced man in trying to hide it. I know all too well. thats what your doin wrong, trying to figure out what they want. women dont even know what they want, no ****in way youll find out.
somedude81 Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 which is why i dont understand why women dont go get it. they want it, but wont get it? You aren't completely off. The reason women aren't getting it, is because they don't want it. Any woman who says she wants sex but has gone a long time without is actually lying that she wants it. So to break this thread down. The men here go on a dry spell through no choice of their own. Paying for it is an unacceptable way to end a dry spell, and doesn't even count. Of course unless they are in prison, or disgust men for some reason. Though she would have to be pretty extreme for the to be the case. The women in a dry spell, don't want sex and are in a self-imposed dry spell. They can end it whenever they want.
Stung Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 You aren't completely off. The reason women aren't getting it, is because they don't want it. Any woman who says she wants sex but has gone a long time without is actually lying that she wants it. So to break this thread down. The men here go on a dry spell through no choice of their own. Paying for it is an unacceptable way to end a dry spell, and doesn't even count. Of course unless they are in prison, or disgust men for some reason. Though she would have to be pretty extreme for the to be the case. The women in a dry spell, don't want sex and are in a self-imposed dry spell. They can end it whenever they want. You see paying for sex as an unacceptable way to end a dry spell. Fair enough. Many, perhaps most women see having sex with a total stranger as unacceptable. Women and men usually have different emotional lenses through which they view and experience sex.
somedude81 Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 You see paying for sex as an unacceptable way to end a dry spell. Fair enough. Many, perhaps most women see having sex with a total stranger as unacceptable. Women and men usually have different emotional lenses through which they view and experience sex. I understand your argument, and it seems valid. But say a girl has a guy friend who is single that she's somewhat close to and has known for a while. There is no reason for her to be on dry spell because if she wanted to, she could easily have with him. Yet she may come up with a hundred reasons why she can't have sex with him. Heck the guy may even like her but that won't make a difference. It's a rare woman who doesn't have any options.
gamma1 Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 thats what your doin wrong, trying to figure out what they want. women dont even know what they want, no ****in way youll find out. From my expereiences, the process is extremely unforgiving. I've never expereicned anything like it. There is seemingly no room for even the smallest mistake. What I've learned so far is never touch a woman in any way or make jokes on a first date. You call at the wrong time or call more than once and you aren't even getting that first date. If you don't ask her out very quickly on the phone, your chances of a date go to almost nothing. Nearly all of the women I've interacted with have been extremely sensitive. I need to understand what they want to even have a chance.
Stung Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 I understand your argument, and it seems valid. But say a girl has a guy friend who is single that she's somewhat close to and has known for a while. There is no reason for her to be on dry spell because if she wanted to, she could easily have with him. Yet she may come up with a hundred reasons why she can't have sex with him. Heck the guy may even like her but that won't make a difference. It's a rare woman who doesn't have any options. Most women might technically have some options, but the fact remains that the options might not be viable, at all. I can't speak for all women of course but I know for me the thought of having sex with my friends is flat out repulsive...most assuredly NOT titillating. This doesn't mean my friends are physically unattractive in the least, in fact the majority of them both male and female are pretty fine specimins, but even when I badly physically crave sex I am quickly turned off by the prospect of crossing that line with any of my true friends. This is another place that emotional lens I was talking about comes into play.
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