gearhead9 Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 Hi members. I'm looking for some opinions here. I went on a first date with a girl in the evening and halfway through, she tells me she has plans with her friends after our date and she'll have to leave at a certain time. I know this was a backup plan, but I thought it was rude to have plans with your friends the same night you have a date. I guess she didn't want to continue and used her "out", otherwise she would've cancelled her other plans. I just thought it was rude to have planned something with your friends the same night, regardless of which way the date went. What are your thoughts?
Rorschach Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 Doesn't seem rude to me, why not go hang out with your friends after a date?
USMCHokie Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 Another vote for not rude at all. A first date is just a chance to meet and get to know another person. It doesn't have to last all night or result in spending the night in the same bed. And if she's not interested in more with you, she has every right to leave when she pleases. She doesn't owe you anything.
Author gearhead9 Posted April 26, 2010 Author Posted April 26, 2010 Ok, maybe you're right. Let me rephrase that. I thought it was rude to tell me halfway into the date. I would've preferred not to have been surprised and told beforehand.
USMCHokie Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 Doesn't seem rude to me, why not go hang out with your friends after a date? This would probably be the last thing I'd do...I wouldn't even suggest it to her...it's awfully presumptious, and unless she insists that he join them, it's just a little creepy...
Rorschach Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 This would probably be the last thing I'd do...I wouldn't even suggest it to her...it's awfully presumptious, and unless she insists that he join them, it's just a little creepy... misunderstand much? I mean from her perspective, why doesn't she go and hang out with her friends after the date, seems reasonable enough. As for telling you halfway through I think that was considerate, it's not like she said 'oh by the way I'm leaving in five minutes' she just let you know that at X time she had to go. Completely reasonable.
D-Lish Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 You know, if I were in your shoes, I'd feel a little put off by it as well. I was about to say otherwise, then I put myself in your position and realized, yes, it would bug me if a guy did that to me. I think that would be something that would be brought up prior to, or at the beginning of the date.
USMCHokie Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 misunderstand much? I mean from her perspective, why doesn't she go and hang out with her friends after the date, seems reasonable enough. Got it. Withdrawn. And after thinking about it a little more, I could see how someone would get bugged by this girl's behavior to throw this out there like that halfway through. But for me personally, I don't get offended by stupid crap like this...I just wouldn't see her again...
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 I used to use that as an 'out' if I wasn't 'feeling it' so to speak. I can't imagine that it is anything but that in this case.
D-Lish Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 I used to use that as an 'out' if I wasn't 'feeling it' so to speak. I can't imagine that it is anything but that in this case. Yeah, I agree with that. If someone mentioned an out halfway through a date I woud consider it instant rejection.
ADF Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 My thoughts are that you are reading this right. Fort whatever reason, she did not want to continue the date, and made up a lie to get out of it. It was a pretty mean-spirited thing to do. I cannot imagine you were such an awful person she couldn't spend one evening out of her entire life with you and end the date properly. I'm sorry it happened, but I think you may have dodged a bullet. A person who would do that is pretty low.
Romance Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 I don't think it's very rude, maybe that is just me. it was only a first date. I dunno, maybe i would feel rejected if a guy did it..but i feel like i'd do it!
ADF Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 I don't think it's very rude, maybe that is just me. it was only a first date. I dunno, maybe i would feel rejected if a guy did it..but i feel like i'd do it! It's not just you. Lots of people would do that, and it makes me sad. We have gone way too far in this country towards treating people like commodities. We treat a going on date like shopping for a car. If we don't like the first model we see, we feel entitled to get up and walk away right then and there and look for another one. Well, people aren't cars. They're not objects. They are still entitled to a bit of courtesy and respect. Sorry, I am trying to single you out on this.
Krytie TV Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 Yep, I think she used it as an out because she wasn't interested in continuing the date with you. Nothing personal, just keep looking.
phineas Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 When I was younger & had little responcibilities this kind of thing would annoy me. But these days i'd probably appreciate the woman not wasting my entire evening if she wasn't feeling it. Especially if she ends it early enough for me to do a few loads of clothes, or get my ironing done before bed.
ReadyforLove Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 I don't think it's rude at all but she definitely used it as an excuse to bail out on the date. Is it just me or are first dates really long and drawn-out these days? I've met many men who assumed our first date meant we would spend the ENTIRE day together. If I am into the guy, I don't mind but if not I would probably use the "I have plans with friends" excuse as well.
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