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Posted

My ex finished things about a month ago now, I'm still coming to terms with it, currently going through that yo-yo phase of being ok then being in utter pieces.

 

Today i've started the whole NC thing, which so far has been incredibly difficult as it makes me think about him 100 times more, but also given me time to reflect also. I realised that it's not actually that i'm desperate to get back with him (i've begged numerous times since the break up), it is because i have a fear of being alone, and deadly scared that im going to be alone for a long long time.

 

I think a big part of this fear is because a couple of years ago, i overheard my dad talk to my sister about me, my grandad used to do predictions and did some readings on me and my siblings when we were all born, much of everything he predicted has been true ( i can't name anything that hasn't been true) generally he predicts the type of personality we would have and the types of jobs we would go for etc. my dad was explaining how he was concerned about my future, because my grandad predicted that i would not marry for a long long time, if at all.

 

So I guess i'm just scared about this coming true. As my aspirations include marriage and kids. I also have a lot of insecurities about myself which i find disables me from finding happiness.

 

These emotions are quite overbearing to deal with. Am i being irrational? I'm not sure how to deal with this, it's quite an odd situation.

Posted

ok, it is difficult for me to think that you are taking so much importance from someone's predictions. I mean, you honestly believe it?

 

Even if it is true, you have to admit that your actions are your choice, you can impact your life, and worrying about not being with someone is just going to make it impossible... even if you believe what your grandfather predicted, you have to stop and think this through, what are you saying, since it has already been 'decided' you just want to give up?

 

Don't want to be with someone because you are scared of being alone. You need to be comfortable on your own, accept it, do things for yourself, and then, when you have mastered that, then you can meet someone and be a rounded partner for them...

Posted

Am i being irrational?

 

Yes.

 

 

I'm not sure how to deal with this, it's quite an odd situation.

 

No it's not. You're inserting ideas into your head to turn it into an odd situation. You were in a relationship that ended. Billions of people around the world have been in the same situation as you. Not odd at all. As far as Granddad the Predictor, that's up to you to decide what you will make of it. I won't talk ill of his "talent," but if you want to let that affect your life, then that's your choice.

 

But getting back to the point of loneliness, yes, after a breakup, we all feel alone...I certainly did...and nine months later now, I still do sometimes...but we cannot be part of a healthy relationship until we learn to overcome those feelings of loneliness and learn to be happy with ourselves...because in the end, we are all we have...but surround yourself with friends and family...do social networking and meet new people through your friends...make those new people your friends...then meet more people through them...lather, rinse, repeat...

 

If you have insecurities, then tackle them head on...improve yourself as best you can...turn insecurities into confidence in yourself...it will make you a much more attractive person to others, and more importantly, to yourself...

Posted

I understand how you feel. I am 33 and have at times been terrified that I am on my way to spinster-ville. It sucks and I feel lonely a lot too. It didn't help that most of my close friends moved away shortly after my break-up. It's almost as hard to make friends as it is to find someone good to date!

I've been seeing a therapist who helps with these fears a lot. One of her suggestions to me is to try to join some new groups or take some classes. I'm trying to find something that will suit me and trying to come out of my shell.

I don't doubt that you will be in another relationship. It might be a long time. I haven't dated other than a few here and there in the past 2 years. But I'm a firm believer that what you think, you are. Try to keep your thoughts positive. No one knows the future. Could you have imagined 10 years ago that your life would be as it is today? Who knows what you might be in 10 years from now...

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Posted
Could you have imagined 10 years ago that your life would be as it is today? Who knows what you might be in 10 years from now...

 

That is so very very true, thank you.

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