silverfish Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Thank you white flower, I appreciate the support. I know that we just need some time to work through everything, and we will get back to normal. First question, No, I don't think that a man should have a right to a child just because he slept with the mother. Every case is different, but I think in general, equality shouldn't be forced when clearly men and women are unequal in raising children. I love my husband, but he can't feed our baby, he wasn't connected to her before she was born. I feel like it is the same as abortion, this is my body that carried this child for nine months, so I get to decide who is in my child's life. I can tell that this woman doesn't agree with me, though, she doesn't even want to nurse her child... I understand if she tried and realized she couldn't, but to be so disdainful of her own baby to not even try just doesn't compute in my brain. I hope that she becomes more maternal once he is here, because I know a little baby needs that. His mother. And second, yes, one day I would like to have an open marriage again. Obviously my husband made a big mistake with this one, but I think with some changes to the rules we can make it work. Not on drugs and not crazy, I just happen to enjoy my life the way that it was before. I don't know any couple that has the type of relationship that my husband and I have, and I believe that this is an important reason why. Just because you mess up at something doesn't mean that you quit... Don't you think that it's a little more important here that you all try and become good parents and manage the parenting with the strange situation already at hand? Before you continue to explore eachothers sexuality, and so on..which TBH is a lot duller having read your story than I'm sure you'd like it to appear -- doesn't sound very hot to me Can't you just go feed ducks in the park or something? Cook duck confit with toasted brioche and watch a funny film ? Drink flaming sambucas on your birthday off the kitchen table while wearing ..never mind. Is life really that dull that you have to actively seek out these nutters to partake in your lives?
Author MyFullmoon Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 We are good parents... You know, we're those crazy APers who tie our children to our chests with wraps and don't spank or raise our voices. Older daughter is starting homeschool this year, etc... Our children are our lives, and they are completely not involved with any of our extra's... Like I said before, we are both grad students, and both of us are artists by trade. I make a living by enjoying the simple things in life. We are moving to Europe next year, and then Taiwan a year after that. I wasn't trying to make my life sound hot or exciting to other people. I promise, both my husband and I are complete dorks. The point is that it is exciting and hot to me, and it used to be to him too. I hang out of cloth diaper forums usually, so this is odd to me, but does everyone get this same kind of non-advice? It seems as though people are more interested in semantics than offering advice.
silverfish Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 Why the angst over the other baby? The OW obviously got pregnant on purpose.... let her get on with it and see the kid later on in life. You aren't going to be able to move away and also be part of this baby's life, obviously, so that has to be dealt with. However crazy this lady is and such -- that's totally not cool on your husbands part, or yours really for not setting some sort of boundaries. I'm guessing that if the paternity test says the baby is his its going to mean child support fro the next 16-18 years which is obviously going to be detrimental to your family.
silverfish Posted May 4, 2010 Posted May 4, 2010 And sorry but re reading your post but its only her word against his that he told her he was M...do you know for sure that she knew he was M and there fore unavailable? Also...you are planning to move away so why are you talking about taking her baby off her or visitation? Does Taiwan have good visitation orders?
Author MyFullmoon Posted May 19, 2010 Author Posted May 19, 2010 Lady is in the hospital as of this morning. pre-e, and they are giving her drugs, but it looks like there might be a little boy here in the next day or two. I haven't checked back here since the last time I posted, but we are going for custody, (we already have arrangements for a paternity test) and if we can't get it straightened out, we may have to put off Europe for a little while. I don't have any doubt that we will get custody, since we have everything documented, but I know it may take a long time. She has been pretty subdued, since we filed a restraining order on her for us, but I'm not taking any chances. And I just wanted to add that he met her when she responded to a craigslist posting that I wrote, which said that he is happily married. So it isn't her word against his.
jthorne Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Moon, I know this is far off, and I hope you don't mind me asking... If the child turns out to be your husbands and you get custody, how will you explain the new baby to your children? Hope you don't mind me asking. From reading the previous posts, it seems there may be a high probability that the infant is NOT your husbands. Will you be relieved or disappointed? Either way paternity goes, my best wishes for a healthy baby.
Author MyFullmoon Posted May 19, 2010 Author Posted May 19, 2010 I'm hoping for a healthy baby too... I am a little nervous about how early she is, but a lot of babies are born at 35 weeks...(both of mine were LATE!) Thankfully our girls are young, so if this turns out to be their brother, they will always know him. The oldest may have a vague memory of life before him, but how much does anyone really remember from that age? We are going to tell them the truth. We will be as straight forward as we need to be with them, and I was a traditional surrogate for a friend between the two girls, so they know they have a sister that doesn't live with them and has different parents, so we aren't exactly the traditional family in the first place.
jthorne Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Ah, gotcha. I looked into being a surrogate for my friend. Unfortunately, I wasn't a good candidate. Again, I hope there's a healthy baby, and there's some resolution for you soon.
Author MyFullmoon Posted May 19, 2010 Author Posted May 19, 2010 Thank you. I am looking forward to this being resolved no matter the outcome!
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