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Maybe porn really does more harm than good for men?


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Posted
People tend to get defensive when they feel they are being controlled. The more the anti-porn forces and moralists in general about anything push the more ardent the other side will become.

 

How is it controlling to say, "There are some negative aspects of porn and porn usage"? :rolleyes:

Posted

Porn is a tool for sexual arousal which is very natural. If a man let's it interfere with his marriage or looks at it on the job then clearly he does have a problem. That I don't deny but there are perfectly healthy people who like to pleasure themselves to a Playboy if nothing else is around.

 

Addicts who can't control themselves clearly do have a problem but if it is not porn it is something else. Addicts tend to trade addiction for the other. If you go to an AA or NA meeting people are usually drinking coffee and smoking like crazy and that is because it is there new addiction. If a person gives up porn there just be something else. Exercising self control is the key.

Posted
Porn is a tool for sexual arousal which is very natural. If a man let's it interfere with his marriage or looks at it on the job then clearly he does have a problem. That I don't deny but there are perfectly healthy people who like to pleasure themselves to a Playboy if nothing else is around.

 

Addicts who can't control themselves clearly do have a problem but if it is not porn it is something else. Addicts tend to trade addiction for the other. If you go to an AA or NA meeting people are usually drinking coffee and smoking like crazy and that is because it is there new addiction. If a person gives up porn there just be something else. Exercising self control is the key.

 

So true! My alcoholic ex managed to get addicted to POGO's pop cap gaming. This of course led him right back to drinking again.

Posted
How is it controlling to say, "There are some negative aspects of porn and porn usage"? :rolleyes:

 

That is not controlling but there are clearly some people who resent the fact that it even exists. They want to get rid of it and that only makes people push back harder.

Posted
Porn is a tool for sexual arousal which is very natural. If a man let's it interfere with his marriage or looks at it on the job then clearly he does have a problem. That I don't deny but there are perfectly healthy people who like to pleasure themselves to a Playboy if nothing else is around.

 

Addicts who can't control themselves clearly do have a problem but if it is not porn it is something else. Addicts tend to trade addiction for the other. If you go to an AA or NA meeting people are usually drinking coffee and smoking like crazy and that is because it is there new addiction. If a person gives up porn there just be something else. Exercising self control is the key.

 

Sexual arousal is natural. The elements that make up porn isn't. Lets not confuse the two. And people are addicted to things all the time while still able to maintain normal lives. My dad was an achololic but still was very successful.

 

And to be honest, I believe alot more men are addicted to porn then care to admit or even admit to themselves. Which is why when this topic comes up a majority of men become defensive and defend it. Sorry. You don't defend something like most men tend to when this subject come u pand are not somewhat attached to it. I don't think that attachment is healthy.

Posted

The reason men become defensive is because it feels like an attempt to control us. My wife has never made an issue out of watching porn and it has been over two years since I even looked at it. I have no desire to view it when I have a hot woman right by my side in bed but I will defend a man's right to view especially if he is single. I don't see how single man's porn viewing as long as it is not at work is anybody'd business.

 

The defensiveness is about asserting ourselves when we feel controlled.

Posted
Sexual arousal is natural. The elements that make up porn isn't. Lets not confuse the two. And people are addicted to things all the time while still able to maintain normal lives. My dad was an achololic but still was very successful.

 

And to be honest, I believe alot more men are addicted to porn then care to admit or even admit to themselves. Which is why when this topic comes up a majority of men become defensive and defend it. Sorry. You don't defend something like most men tend to when this subject come u pand are not somewhat attached to it. I don't think that attachment is healthy.

 

Admiring a depicted naked female form is natural. Consider cave drawings.

  • Author
Posted

That article was part of the reason I decided to give up porn. I just got tired of going through the same routine of watching a video to get my rocks off. It was always rinse and repeat, and I just got tired of it. It's not making me any progress. I was just being lazy and taking the easy way out. It wasn't reality. I figured I could take that energy instead and apply it to forming relationships, even though they take a bit more work. But the reward is so much greater. I'm not a weird guy or an addict by any means, but I know when I'm wasting my time. It took me a while to realize it but I did. I wasted a lot. There are simply not enough rewards for me to divert all my sexual energy to videos. I could be instead using that energy to lean about, connect with and woo beautiful women. And what guy doesn't want that??

Posted
Which is why when this topic comes up a majority of men become defensive and defend it. Sorry. You don't defend something like most men tend to when this subject come u pand are not somewhat attached to it. I don't think that attachment is healthy.

Its not the core topic itself that people take issue with or attempt to defend as you call it. It rarely is. Its the beliefs that surround topics like these that people argue about. In your eyes JS, porn means this, that and the other. So that, for the most part, is what is argued over. People's beliefs about a certain subject rather than the actual subject itself!

 

It's not making me any progress. I was just being lazy and taking the easy way out. It wasn't reality. I figured I could take that energy instead and apply it to forming relationships, even though they take a bit more work

In your case, you've done the right thing. Porn isn't a substitute for a relationship.

 

 

.

Posted (edited)
:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes: Let's see - porn is responsible for your personal dislike of a sex position that has been around since the beginning of time :rolleyes:.

 

No, it was from behind like I said - BUT, I was bent over the bed and he put *one leg up on the bed with his knee bent* and was trying to do it that way. Know the position I'm talking about? The 'I'm going to stick a camera up under your balls so that I can see the in/out' position? It threw off his rhythm, and his balance but apparently he thought it was 'how you are supposed to do it'.

 

'From behind' is great - but not when you are under some impression that the camera angle positions are the ones you are supposed to use in real life.

 

C'mon... you really thought I meant that? Me? The misogynistic, porn loving maven? As a bona fide pervert, I take offense at your presumption of my prudery, sir. Heh...

Edited by LucreziaBorgia
Posted

Porn has never rejected me a regular women has never said yes to me..

 

Without porn i have nothing else

Posted

AD, that is a sad, sad statment. For one thing, we all face rejection. For another, you are comparing women to something inanimate like porn. Yes, clearly porn isn't going to reject you. Good luck with that.

 

Admiring a depicted naked female form is natural. Consider cave drawings.

 

Why should I consider cave drawings? Do we look at mearly cave drawings today? :rolleyes: I sincerly think the cave drawing arguement gets over-used and ill-used. Men are looking at much more the cave drawings today. Look, I totally agree that it's natural to look and be turned on by a naked attractive female. That doesn't negate how our culture manipulates both men and women and sexuality and the amount that is pumped out today that people indulge in. Our society is a glutton for sex. So it's always amusing to me when men complain about the amount of over-weight women today because they fail to see their own gluttoness behavior when it comes to sex. And how it's all defended on the principal of what is "natural" or "healthy". When we all know the images that media projects about women is far far far from natural or healthy. So I stand by my statement. Sex is healthy. Being attracted to men or women is healthy. The industry of pornography and media in general that exploits and models popular sexuality isn't. The quantity that is out there today, and the variety that is ever changing and increasing, is not healthy.

Posted
I just found the idea rather interesting. I know for me personally, when I stray away from things like porn, etc. I get this primal hunger to be with a woman. I feel alive, and determined to improve my skills with them.

 

In my case, the craving for finding a woman to fall in love with and have sex with is always there. It doesn't go away or gets weaker by looking at porn, or anything else for that matter.

 

 

No doubt, but what if we diverted our sexual energy away from porn and addressed our shortcomings with women? I'm not saying that to side with women or anything like that. I'm saying that to improve the quality of life for men in general. I think great results would be yielded if we made real women our sexual outlet instead of porn. I think it would cause us to be more natural around them, and yes, I think most women would find it sexy.

 

Maybe we should conduct an experiment?

 

Watching porn or not watching porn, masturbating or not masturbating; it made no difference for me. My results with women were the same.

 

This quote from the article:

 

"How would you be motivated to improve your skills with women, when you can achieve sexual gratification quickly and easily with the click of a mouse?"

 

implies that men are completely satisfied with masturbating and watching porn and basically don't even want to have sex with a real woman or don't want to get into a relationship.

 

This is one of the dumbest things I have ever read. Only very few men would think "Hey, I've got porn, what else could I possibly want or need?".

Posted

If it was only "very few men", we wouldn't see all the threads about men AND women strugglign with this very topic.

Posted
AD, that is a sad, sad statment. For one thing, we all face rejection. For another, you are comparing women to something inanimate like porn. Yes, clearly porn isn't going to reject you. Good luck with that.

 

 

 

Why should I consider cave drawings? Do we look at mearly cave drawings today? :rolleyes: I sincerly think the cave drawing arguement gets over-used and ill-used. Men are looking at much more the cave drawings today. Look, I totally agree that it's natural to look and be turned on by a naked attractive female. That doesn't negate how our culture manipulates both men and women and sexuality and the amount that is pumped out today that people indulge in. Our society is a glutton for sex. So it's always amusing to me when men complain about the amount of over-weight women today because they fail to see their own gluttoness behavior when it comes to sex. And how it's all defended on the principal of what is "natural" or "healthy". When we all know the images that media projects about women is far far far from natural or healthy. So I stand by my statement. Sex is healthy. Being attracted to men or women is healthy. The industry of pornography and media in general that exploits and models popular sexuality isn't. The quantity that is out there today, and the variety that is ever changing and increasing, is not healthy.

 

Yes Jersey, and we don't worship fire gods anymore either. But the fact that people have been drawn to view the naked female form even before the big bad media machine is a pretty good indication that the urge is natural. To what extent people take it to is a more personal leaning that varies wildly from the base appeal.

 

It helps to be able to openly consider input that does not completely mirror your own. Otherwise, what is the point of posting thread after thread of a worn out subject? Without consideration, you stand to learn nothing you don't already know making it more of a lecture than a discussion.

Posted
If it was only "very few men", we wouldn't see all the threads about men AND women strugglign with this very topic.

 

I don't deny that it happens. And I truly feel sorry for every woman who has an SO that ignores her and instead turns to porn.

 

But I honestly do believe those are the exceptions.

Posted (edited)
Yes Jersey, and we don't worship fire gods anymore either.

 

Then why bring up cave drawings? You're core argument is that because there were cave drawings of naked women in the day, everything that pertains to sex and sexuality today is perfectly natural. That's a gross over simplification that ignores technology and social norms and gender relationshpis. I think you see and know the distinction between a cave drawing on the wall and the media that surrounds us today. And that's always been my argument. Not that sex isn't natural but that we've maniplulated sexuality in an unhealthy manner.

 

But the fact that people have been drawn to view the naked female form even before the big bad media machine is a pretty good indication that the urge is natural. To what extent people take it to is a more personal leaning that varies wildly from the base appeal.

 

My argument was never about how wanting to seek naked women was unnatural. Infact, I remember saying I agreed it was completely natural to view and find the female body attractive. Why must I repeat this?

 

It helps to be able to openly consider input that does not completely mirror your own. Otherwise, what is the point of posting thread after thread of a worn out subject? Without consideration, you stand to learn nothing you don't already know making it more of a lecture than a

 

Such as how you openly consider input that does not completely mirror your own? It never fails to astound me when people, who clearly disagree with me, tell me that I need to consider other's input that doesn't completely mirror my own. Do these posters do the same in regards to mine and other's postings that disagree with them?

 

Disagreeing on the topic alone doesn't mean I haven't heard out other posters and I think you understand that Sally. Just as you disagreeing with me doesn't mean you haven't heard me out. Why don't we not make this an oppurtunity to lecture me on what you think *I* personally need to do that best fits into what *you* want to happen.

 

 

Stock: I don't deny that it happens. And I truly feel sorry for every woman who has an SO that ignores her and instead turns to porn.

 

But I honestly do believe those are the exceptions.

 

They aren't though. Men look at more porn then ever before in the history of the world. Porn has changed men's habits..and women's! We see so many of these threads because it's not the exception. Because it's a real issue in modern day relationships. And I suspect there are 10times more out there the nwe know about because I suspect most people keep their real porn habits hidden because porn is a weakness. And not only a weakness, it can now come right into the home, completely free and anonmously. This is a much more dangerous breeding ground then things liek food or gambling which you actually have to leave the house for or pay some kind of money for.

Edited by Jersey Shortie
Posted
Then why bring up cave drawings? You're core argument is that because there were cave drawings of naked women in the day, everything that pertains to sex and sexuality today is perfectly natural. That's a gross over simplification that ignores technology and social norms and gender relationshpis. I think you see and know the distinction between a cave drawing on the wall and the media that surrounds us today. And that's always been my argument. Not that sex isn't natural but that we've maniplulated sexuality in an unhealthy manner.

 

 

 

My argument was never about how wanting to seek naked women was unnatural. Infact, I remember saying I agreed it was completely natural to view and find the female body attractive. Why must I repeat this?

 

 

 

Such as how you openly consider input that does not completely mirror your own? It never fails to astound me when people, who clearly disagree with me, tell me that I need to consider other's input that doesn't completely mirror my own. Do these posters do the same in regards to mine and other's postings that disagree with them?

 

Disagreeing on the topic alone doesn't mean I haven't heard out other posters and I think you understand that Sally. Just as you disagreeing with me doesn't mean you haven't heard me out. Why don't we not make this an oppurtunity to lecture me on what you think *I* personally need to do that best fits into what *you* want to happen.

 

Thanks for another lecture dear, but it is boring. I don't support porn as you seem to only perceive from my post. I don't even really disagree with you. This is why I feel you cannot consider even a slightly different view point or approach. You make me ashamed you share my gender sometimes.....but I think that is just the side effect of you being stuck on shaming mode. Everyone gets caught in the spray even if you do not intend it.

 

Ever consider you are just as obsessed with talking about and demonizing porn as you think men are with their use of it? This too can be unhealthy.

Posted

They aren't though. Men look at more porn then ever before in the history of the world. Porn has changed men's habits..and women's! We see so many of these threads because it's not the exception. Because it's a real issue in modern day relationships.

 

I agree that men look at porn more than ever. But how does looking at porn equal neglecting your SO?

 

That's too harsh in my opinion. I agree that some men are addicted, and don't even look at their SO anymore, those are the exceptions I was referring to.

 

Also, if a guy has to watch porn to get turned on and then goes to his SO, and expects her to take care of him and get his rocks off, then I think the guy has issues.

 

Personally, I never watched porn while I was in a relationship. But I don't think that guys who watch porn can't be loving and caring bf's or husbands. If the woman is okay with the porn use, it's not an issue.

 

That said, I can see why women might be bothered by it. I don't think they are wrong, just not compatible with guys who watch porn.

Posted
Thanks for another lecture dear, but it is boring. I don't support porn as you seem to only perceive from my post. I don't even really disagree with you. This is why I feel you cannot consider even a slightly different view point or approach. You make me ashamed you share my gender sometimes.....but I think that is just the side effect of you being stuck on shaming mode. Everyone gets caught in the spray even if you do not intend it.

 

Ever consider you are just as obsessed with talking about and demonizing porn as you think men are with their use of it? This too can be unhealthy.

Yay, I got the ever popular carefully concealed snide "Dear' in attempts to put an air on of superiority. :love:

 

Sally, you are more then welcome to your personal view point and different approach. You don't see me complaining about how *you* choose to view things or go about them. You want to make this argument about my personal style and that completely baffles me. I am not arguing on your personal style, I am discussing the subject. If you don't like it and find my comments boring, then don't ask me questions you know will only find bore you. This is common sense.

 

I'm not sure exactly what you want me to take from your comments except you clearly want me to change in a way that clearly best suits what *you* want. This isn't about you or what you want. This isn't even about my style of posting.

 

I also think your comment about making *you* feel ashamed that I share your gender to be nothing more then a bulling tactic that I've seen you practice on this board with other posters. With that said, I find you to be an intelligent person and I enjoy your comments on the board but think you're currently out of line and being completely mundane and purposely direspectful taking cheap shots.

Posted

Stockalone:

 

I agree that men look at porn more than ever. But how does looking at porn equal neglecting your SO?

 

I don't think one has to be completely ignoring their SO for porn to be an issue. I always worry about how younger generations of boy are looking at porn and what they take from it. These boys grow up to be men with ideas about women that start at young ages. And if boys and men have a pathora of media images at their finger tips about women that they indulge in regularly, that' going to have some kind of affect.

 

That's too harsh in my opinion. I agree that some men are addicted, and don't even look at their SO anymore, those are the exceptions I was referring to.

 

I think that the extreme case you stated is the exception. I think there are many more men in the middle of the road who give their SO attention but also really love their porn and use it interchangable in a relationship and hold a degree of addiction to it.

 

 

That said, I can see why women might be bothered by it. I don't think they are wrong, just not compatible with guys who watch porn.

 

Let me ask you this, why can yo usee that women might be bothered by it? Please list all the reasons why you understand women are bothered by it.

  • Author
Posted

@ stockalone: no need to bash bud. I have my own reasons for toning it down on the porn and they're what I listed. I feel my energy could be applied more constructively. I'm sorry you don't agree with what I stated, but this is how I plan on tackling my own unique situation. And I believe for me, it will yield great results.

 

Have a great day.

Posted

I actually don't agree with porn viewing while in a relationship but for the single man who does not want to deal with the drama that too many women but certainly not all women come with these days it can be good option. What is so wrong with that?

Posted

I also think your comment about making *you* feel ashamed that I share your gender to be nothing more then a bulling tactic that I've seen you practice on this board with other posters. With that said, I find you to be an intelligent person and I enjoy your comments on the board but think you're currently out of line and being completely mundane and purposely direspectful taking cheap shots.

 

Perhaps I've missed it, but none of your views on this subject ever includes female porn addicts. They do exist. I don't enjoy sexist views on any subject and you edge into this territory more often than you remain objective.

 

And my comment about being ashamed is more about the tactics you employ when you talk about porn then anything else. That is why I said it was likely due to the shaming tone you use that I feel this way, but yeah, it is also about how you think this is a male issue. You use porn to shame men when women can also act the same way. I get that you believe porn addiction is more common while others believe it is the rarer occurrence. It still remains possible that you just lack enough personal exposure to really make this claim.

 

I've met more men addicted to video gaming than porn. Never dealt with porn addiction with anyone I've dated even though most did use porn to some degree.

 

I think you advertise and promote porn with the repeated threads on the topic and the approach you use than you do to inform or alleviate the problem you are troubled over. Lectures and shaming make people seek to invalidate your views and tune you out. If you reach no one with your methods it just becomes:

 

Hey! porn porn porn! Over here! Porn porn porn! Dirty dirty porn porn porn!

Posted

I'll give you a list as to why women are bothered by porn.

 

-Insecurities.

-Control issues.

-Feeling inadequate, like they aren't good enough.

 

Otherwise, what could it be?

 

@JS- I think the majority of posters here that may rub you the wrong way, or disregard your opinion and try to force their own on you do so because you don't change the stance of your argument, and disregard alot of the facts other post. In other threads, I explicitly asked you to provide proof of how men are affected by porn. No one has seen it yet, so it comes off as a personal vendetta.

 

I disagree that this is a huge worldwide problem. JS, using that logic, women are cheating in record numbers world wide, simply based off the premis that more and more men are posting about unfaithful wives and girlfriends. I'm sure no one here will agree with me there, and maybe lable me a misogynist, but if we're using that logic, women are cheaters in record numbers.

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