Maybe porn really does more harm than good for men?

[Woggle]

Porn is a part of it but it is only a very small piece to why men have such troule forming relationships with women today. Both sides play their part and women have a part in it as well.

[MrNate]

Porn is a part of it but it is only a very small piece to why men have such troule forming relationships with women today. Both sides play their part and women have a part in it as well.

 

No doubt, but what if we diverted our sexual energy away from porn and addressed our shortcomings with women? I'm not saying that to side with women or anything like that. I'm saying that to improve the quality of life for men in general. I think great results would be yielded if we made real women our sexual outlet instead of porn. I think it would cause us to be more natural around them, and yes, I think most women would find it sexy.

 

Maybe we should conduct an experiment?

[A O]

Woah there, the last thing i am is a people pleaser. The blog was interesting, that is all. But think about this, what is the point of women improving any skills with men if they will just watch porn?

I disagree with your first assertion (and time will only bare this out furthermore, if not already, I'm sure). As for your question, its still the initial premise reworded - the onus is still all on male behavior. There still is no spotlight on the role that women can play in all this from your side!

 

I just found the idea rather interesting. I know for me personally, when I stray away from things like porn, etc. I get this primal hunger to be with a woman. I feel alive, and determined to improve my skills with them.

It sounds like you get a lil too needy if you don't have porn to help keep a lid on your sex drive. So, what are these skills you need to improve? And like I said before, you can work on yourself as much as you want but just remember that a woman has to prove herself to you every bit as much as you do to her. I think though, that without porn, your primal instinct will work against you rather than for you.

 

No doubt, but what if we diverted our sexual energy away from porn and addressed our shortcomings with women?

You shouldn't assume that porn use automatically equates to shortcomings in relationships. The inability to communicate and emotionally connect are the chief determinants of unhealthy relationships. They are the disease, porn use is simply but one outlet for this disease to fester.

 

I'm saying that to improve the quality of life for men in general. I think great results would be yielded if we made real women our sexual outlet instead of porn. I think it would cause us to be more natural around them, and yes, I think most women would find it sexy.

Again, relationships thrive on good communication and emotional well being. These, more than anything else will fuel the sexual desire, of women especially, rather than concentrating all our sexual energy on one outlet only.

 

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[Woggle]

I hardly think that women would all of a sudden start loving us if we gave up porn.

[Pyro]

I'd love to see a 'no porn/mags' experiment with people in relationships. It would be interesting to see how it would turn out.

 

So far so good here.

[phineas]

 

It centered around the question: "How would you be motivated to improve your skills with women, when you can achieve sexual gratification quickly and easily with the click of a mouse?"

 

 

what would it matter?

If the click of the mouse is the case, then havn't they have taken themselves out of the pool as mates for women.

 

That's like asking someone's opinion on a pedophile serving 10 consecutive life sentences earning his teaching degree while in prison.

 

what does it matter? He's going to die in prison.

[norajane]

A normal man - no. Relationships, usually, involve many more aspects than just sex. Your average woman will hammer home that fact and your average man will already know and respect this fact anyway. Your average man, and woman for that matter, knows where porn fits in the greater scheme of things - simply another facet of life, and like every other facet, it'll have its time and place but it won't ever, ever dominate beyond all else!

 

I wonder, though, how porn affects young men, boys, and what they learn about what sex is, the roles of men and women in sex, social skills geared toward "getting" sex (as opposed to developing a relationship), what they think of women and what they have to offer, expectations of women and sex...

 

I don't believe the effect is negligible or positive.

[A O]

^ ^ ^

Again, it all depends on upbringing. If its healthy, then it'll have a negligible effect. If its dysfunctional then porn will simply be another avenue for that dysfunction to rear its ugly head.

 

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[sally4sara]

I hardly think that women would all of a sudden start loving us if we gave up porn.

 

Not the point. w

Would men maybe love themselves more?

 

Perhaps less self lovin going on, but more self respect?

[Woggle]

Not the point. w

Would men maybe love themselves more?

 

Perhaps less self lovin going on, but more self respect?

 

Porn has little if anything to do with men loving ourselves. Some of the most self hating and repressed people are the religious fanatics who are against anything sexual.

[Disillusioned]

I find porn very off-putting... mostly because my ideal of female beauty would leave most other men feeling gypped. 'Nuff said.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I wonder, though, how porn affects young men, boys, and what they learn about what sex is, the roles of men and women in sex, social skills geared toward "getting" sex (as opposed to developing a relationship), what they think of women and what they have to offer, expectations of women and sex...

 

I don't believe the effect is negligible or positive.

 

I had a talk with my 13 year old D about this. Her male friends at school watch porn when they can get away with it, and they are already getting some skewed ideas about what sex is supposed to be like. Most of the boys are at the 'horrified but curious' stage and some even say its gross: like looking at Rotten.com and not being able to look away.

 

I told my D that it is gross in the sense that it isn't real, and the gross part is when people get porn mixed up with reality. It is actors acting the sex act for cameras and getting paid for it: that the 'pleasure' is primarily fake, that the women have primarily fake body parts, that the positions are done specifically for camera angles, that what they are doing is 'work' and they see it as a 'job'. Even a lot of the 'amateur' stuff these days is just porn studios setting up stuff to look 'real' and draw people into their paid sites. I also explained that it is fantasy sex isn't much like porn - just like dating isn't going to include Edward or Jacob. That it is a visual tool used to masturbate, and there really isn't any other purpose.

 

She 'got it' - she's a smart kid. Hopefully she'll pass that word along to her friends who might not have parents who are as willing to openly talk about stuff like that. Most of her friends have parents who aren't comfortable talking about the 'real' stuff, only the stuff they are comfortable with their kids knowing.

 

I do think that exposure to porn at an early age is devastating when you don't have someone there to keep it in perspective. I'm sure a young boy watching it would have questions, but what if he has parents who will not answer his questions and instead will simply punish him for watching it in the first place?

 

Punishing sexuality twists it into something it isn't supposed to be. I suppose that is why my kid has no curiosity or taboos with it: I have exposed it down to what it really is and there is nothing to be curious about. She has come across stuff accidently while surfing the net, and if she has questions she asks. Mostly she just thinks its gross, that plastic surgery is gross, etc.

 

I mentioned in another thread that I was with a guy once who was actually DOING the 'camera angle' positions not knowing that those positions are not REAL. That is the sort of damage porn can do: if you don't have to ability to parse reality from fantasy it can be quite dangerous.

Edited April 26, 2010 by LucreziaBorgia

[Rorschach]

Am I the only one who sees many correlations between the 'porn is bad' and 'video games are bad' trains of thought? They both seem to focus on peoples inability to separate fantasy from reality. Granted it's probably harder *snicker* to separate reality from fantasy in porn than it is in video games, but I see both as faulty lines of thinking.

[Bejita463]

Am I the only one who sees many correlations between the 'porn is bad' and 'video games are bad' trains of thought?

 

Radio and Television were victims of this as well, actually.

[Jersey Shortie]

Elswyth:

Can't wait til JS gets her hands on this one.

 

I'm flattered that your holding your breath in anticipation of my commentary Elswyth you Sweetheart.

 

 

From the article:

Quit porn and masturbation. Go cold turkey. Delete all porn from your hard drive and put browser blocks on porno sites. Trust me, after one week of no masturbating, you’ll notice a huge difference in how you act around women.

 

How many men could sincerely do that and be happy with themselves?

 

ADF:

What I think is that all of this is utterly irrelevant. As long as male homo sapiens walk the earth, there will be a huge demand for porn. People can debate whether porn is good or bad, harmless or harmful all they want. It won't make a bit of difference.

 

 

ADF, it's interesting to me that you said: "as long as male homo sapiens walk the earth, there will be a huge demand for porn", and not, "as long as male homo sapiens walk the earth, there will be a huge demand for sex."

 

To me, that speaks volumes. I know you will come back and defend porn but it's so interesting to me that you choose to say a huge demand for porn and not for sex. That seems wrong to me!

 

This is a different perspective on the topic. I never thought about the amount of male virgins out there or the fact that the amount of male virgins have increased. That does speak of a problem and you got to feel sad for guys in a way because porn is a huge weakness for them and it really peals men of those real qualities women love. That is one reason why I think porn does a huge disservice to the male gender. And I do see how it can after years of porn use and not learning anything about how to attract a woman, can make a man frustrated and bitter.

 

No woman on the earth wants a man that always caters to his fleeting desires. Even if some women accept or even like porn themselves. No one looks at a man that viewed porn with more respect or as if he is the epitome of masculinity. We aren't embarressed of porn because of some old English ideals. We are embarressed of it because it's an example of weakness, not strength. And one of the things women are most attracted in men is strength. Both physical and emotional. But men fail themselves by catering to their whims and they fail women because they don't become the strong male role models by catering to their weaknesses.

 

I also think that porn has dulled men to learning about real women and what they really want. And I have said this on the board before. I have been with men, that clearly were using very porno-like moves and they were clearly very excited by it but I was very unimpressed and it didn't make me think they were good sexually in bed. And this wasn't just an experience of once or twice. I do think men take things they learned from porn and think that a real woman should react to it just liek the girl in the movie! And I think that if they don't get that response they think that something is wrong with the real girl sometimes.

 

It has also dulled women into not expressing their real feminity and sexuality and instead scripting to a porno-like style of sex so they can *wow* their boyfriends and husbands. We don't celebrate real women and their real sexuality. We do celebrate women conforming their sexuality to a media standard sold to us that excites men.

[Mr White]

I hardly think that women would all of a sudden start loving us if we gave up porn.

 

They'll check it off the list, and will move onto other aspects of men's behavior that should be controlled.

[Mr White]

Porn is above all - an outlet. My personal consumption spikes when I'm single, and practically disappears in a happy relationship, which has been the case for more than a year now.

 

Just like with alcohol, there are many uses for porn, ranging from harmless to severely pathological. Any porn-bashing will never address the underlying issues (just because they are so many and so varied and not all of them problematic), but surely gives people a kick from advancing their personal agenda.

 

Hey, I think that the southern cristians are crazy SOBs. But I'm not going on a campaign to ban the bible .

[Mr White]

My guy is on the old fashioned side when it comes to stuff like this - he just isn't a porn guy, never was. He was more of a 'classic Playboys' kind of guy, but even that goes when he is in a committed relationship. I would have to say that he's by far the best I've been with - simply because he focuses entirely on 'us'. I've been with someone who actually did the 'one leg up while doing it from behind' (the thing they do for camera angles) and I remember thinking how dumb that was that he didn't realize that stuff like that isn't stuff you do IRL.

.

 

:rolleyes: Let's see - porn is responsible for your personal dislike of a sex position that has been around since the beginning of time .

[norajane]

Any porn-bashing will never address the underlying issues (just because they are so many and so varied and not all of them problematic), but surely gives people a kick from advancing their personal agenda.

 

I didn't see much porn bashing in this thread, or agendas.

 

The underlying issues also won't be addressed if every question posed about porn is seen as advancing personal agendas and the automatic response is to dismiss it as porn bashing.

[Woggle]

They'll check it off the list, and will move onto other aspects of men's behavior that should be controlled.

 

Very true. I am not saying that all women are misandrists but for the women that are there is nothing a man could ever do that would make them stop hating men. We could be the nicest, sweetest and post non-porn watching men and they would still find a reason to resent us. That is why this whole idea that getting rid of porn would end the battle of the sexes is simply absurd. There are some women who simply have an issue with anything a man can enjoy on his own. The women who are not like this know that porn is not a threat.

[sally4sara]

Very true. I am not saying that all women are misandrists but for the women that are there is nothing a man could ever do that would make them stop hating men. We could be the nicest, sweetest and post non-porn watching men and they would still find a reason to resent us. That is why this whole idea that getting rid of porn would end the battle of the sexes is simply absurd. There are some women who simply have an issue with anything a man can enjoy on his own. The women who are not like this know that porn is not a threat.

 

I disagree with this. Misandrists really hate themselves; deep down they've truly bought into the female inferiority concept. When dealing with men, they always feel challenged. To hide this, they are combative at every opportunity.

But a woman who isn't a misandrist can still find porn a problem. Perhaps it goes against her morals and she struggles to respect people (not just men) who use it. Or, in some relationships, the man really does have an addiction issue with porn or a skewed perspective of reality concerning sex. People with addictive tendencies can give anything a bad name because they can find themselves addicted to anything that can become habitual.

I don't see porn without fault in of itself, but the majority of the blame rests on the habits of the user.

[sweetjasmine]

The underlying issues also won't be addressed if every question posed about porn is seen as advancing personal agendas and the automatic response is to dismiss it as porn bashing.

 

Yeah, and you have to admit it's interesting how defensive people get about it. To me that suggests that for a lot of people, porn is an important part of their sexuality and they feel personally attacked by any criticisms of it, which undermines the "it's meaningless pictures we jack off to" argument.

[Woggle]

I disagree with this. Misandrists really hate themselves; deep down they've truly bought into the female inferiority concept. When dealing with men, they always feel challenged. To hide this, they are combative at every opportunity.

But a woman who isn't a misandrist can still find porn a problem. Perhaps it goes against her morals and she struggles to respect people (not just men) who use it. Or, in some relationships, the man really does have an addiction issue with porn or a skewed perspective of reality concerning sex. People with addictive tendencies can give anything a bad name because they can find themselves addicted to anything that can become habitual.

I don't see porn without fault in of itself, but the majority of the blame rests on the habits of the user.

 

Many people in general of all backgrounds have a problem with porn but there are some people in this thread who feel that it is at the root of the battle of the sexes when it is much much bigger than porn. I think that all haters and bigots have an inferiority complex or they are so irreperably damaged by trauma that they can't think rationally. Giving up porn will not change that. The problems between the sexes today are much deeper than that and until both genders look at it honestly things won't change.

 

There are porn addicts but you can find addicts with anything that people use for pleasure. If we started getting rid of anything that could be addictive then nothing would be left. There are people who can have only a drink or two on their off time or smoke only one joint and there are people who only look at porn when there is nothing else around and they need to pleasure themselves.

[Woggle]

Yeah, and you have to admit it's interesting how defensive people get about it. To me that suggests that for a lot of people, porn is an important part of their sexuality and they feel personally attacked by any criticisms of it, which undermines the "it's meaningless pictures we jack off to" argument.

 

People tend to get defensive when they feel they are being controlled. The more the anti-porn forces and moralists in general about anything push the more ardent the other side will become.

[sally4sara]

Many people in general of all backgrounds have a problem with porn but there are some people in this thread who feel that it is at the root of the battle of the sexes when it is much much bigger than porn. I think that all haters and bigots have an inferiority complex or they are so irreperably damaged by trauma that they can't think rationally. Giving up porn will not change that. The problems between the sexes today are much deeper than that and until both genders look at it honestly things won't change.

 

There are porn addicts but you can find addicts with anything that people use for pleasure. If we started getting rid of anything that could be addictive then nothing would be left. There are people who can have only a drink or two on their off time or smoke only one joint and there are people who only look at porn when there is nothing else around and they need to pleasure themselves.

 

I understand that and don't feel banning things really addresses the problem. If anything, it makes it more appealing. Think of alcohol prohibition. Folks drank poisonous substances to continue to imbibe.

 

But can you see how thinking of porn as something natural and necessary adds issue to people struggling with porn addiction? It makes it harder for them to accept they have a problem because the attitude about porn is that it is fairly harmless. This makes it similar to food addictions. Food is necessary, accepted, and pleasurable making it very hard for a food addict to find support for beating their addiction.

 

What would be misplaced about putting porn in the same category as alcohol? Used in moderation and responsibly, you'll be unlikely to have problems. Used all the time and irresponsibly - it can become a problem for some people.