Engadget Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Posted this in General Relationship, but it may actually make more sense here: I just had the weirdest night of my life. I'm going to keep it short and sweet because I hate reading massive posts. Basically I went out with a group of my friends, my good friend Jack and his girlfriend, his brother Mark and his girlfriend Theresa and another friend Chuck. We drank a little then went out bowling and were having a good time. Now Theresa and Mark are in the military and dating although it's a secret because they could get into trouble. Well, Theresa got pretty drunk and was flirting with me harmlessly. I didn't think anything of it because it's just a friend thing and I wouldn't get involved with a taken girl, let alone one with a friend. Well waiting in line to get another game of bowling going, she playfully takes my phone and texts her own phone just saying "Hey theresa you're awesome" while allowing Mark to see it. Well, he flipped the hell out and threw beer on her and called her a whore, I got beer thrown on me and everyone stormed off. Needless to say the two girls were talking after and the torrent of "He's cheated on me, he treats me like ****" came. Now, I know that Mark has cheated on her more than she knows because of my friend Jack, his brother. The girls, Jack and me took off and left them at the bar in the bowling alley because I didn't feel like fighting Mark, because I know he wanted to. We went back to Jack's house and then it got weirder. Theresa continued drinking, and basically started being all over me. Rubbing her leg against mine, leaning her head on my shoulder, putting her arm through my arm...weird. Like I said, I don't want to be that guy but she seemed like she didn't care at the time, probably because she was drunk. Well Mark went off the reservation and wouldn't come home, and his brother basically said "He's never done this, not this badly". I ended up leaving at 2am and found my side view mirrors on my car smashed, one gone completely. According to Jack that's happened in their neighborhood before, but I'm not sure it wasn't Mark pissed at me, taking his anger out on my car. Anyway...wow. I guess I just needed to vent, but I have no idea what's going to happen now. Mark is obviously going nuts because he has cheated on his girlfriend, and he's in the accusatory/paranoid mindset because of it. This girl was obviously attracted to me, and I find her attractive. However my convictions of not getting involved with a friend's girlfriend/ex is stronger than my want for her. Ughhh.
bananalaffytaffy Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Sounds to me like Theresa is using you to get back at Mark. I'd take the high road and stay out of it.
BB07 Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Sounds like a bunch of immature young adults playing little games. Remove yourself from it.....if you are smart.
blind_otter Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Sounds to me like Theresa is using you to get back at Mark. I'd take the high road and stay out of it. Word. I agree with this. Personally I would just avoid that couple entirely for a few weeks until this whole thing blows over. Here's my rule of thumb - usually if you know two people in a couple, you are more friends with one than the other. If you know your friend is cheating on their partner - DON'T hang out with them together because there might be drama, and you don't want to be in the middle of it (which is where you are now) because that's where **** gets kicked in your face from both sides of the fight. Especially if drinking is going to be going on. Jeez!
Author Engadget Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 Sounds to me like Theresa is using you to get back at Mark. I'd take the high road and stay out of it. Yeah that seems to be exactly what it is, I am staying out of it for sure. I lost the side mirrors on my car, and while I think Mark did it I can't prove that. It was weird enough before she started touching me, rubbing her leg against mine and leaning on me. I want to hang out with all of them, they're good friends. I'm mostly worried about things being strange and awkward now. She's flirted with me before this incident too, online and in person. She was giving me the eye most of the night before this, as she was drunk. I seem to draw in girls with boyfriends way more than single girls. This has happened more than a few times, without me even trying to get involved.
whichwayisup Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Sounds to me like Theresa is using you to get back at Mark. I'd take the high road and stay out of it. I agree with this 100%. I seem to draw in girls with boyfriends way more than single girls. This has happened more than a few times, without me even trying to get involved. Either you are giving signals (do you completely ignore the flirting or do you kind of flirt back, thinking it's innocent?) or you are just that type of guy that attracts women who want what they can't have. What about when you have a gf, do girls still flirt with you, even infront of your gf? Just curious..
blind_otter Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 I seem to draw in girls with boyfriends way more than single girls. This has happened more than a few times, without me even trying to get involved. Do you think this may be because you don't set appropriate boundaries? For me, if someone was rubbing up against me who was dating a friend of mine, I would gently but firmly tell them that I didn't really want to go that route. Believe me, I've hung out platonically with enough men who wanted to have sex with me to know how to handle that sort of thing. Don't sit next to the person who wants to do you. Don't hang out with them alone, or have private conversations. Don't let the convo go that way.
Author Engadget Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 Do you think this may be because you don't set appropriate boundaries? For me, if someone was rubbing up against me who was dating a friend of mine, I would gently but firmly tell them that I didn't really want to go that route. Believe me, I've hung out platonically with enough men who wanted to have sex with me to know how to handle that sort of thing. Don't sit next to the person who wants to do you. Don't hang out with them alone, or have private conversations. Don't let the convo go that way. I'm aware, when she started doing that stuff I moved away after. Probably slower than I should have as I was drunk. I mean we've only hung out...3-4 times all together, and two other people were in the room when she was touching me. The first thing this girl ever said to me while with her boyfriend was "Hey sexy". I never really felt I had to set boundaries because I figured it was harmless. My friend Jack's girlfriend and I always say that stuff jokingly, and have for years. Jack doesn't care at all, he knows it's not serious and nothing would ever happen. So I guess I saw it in the same light, but she may be doing it out of actual attraction and/or to spite her boyfriend. Either way I was the spark that set off a brewing powder keg. I basically just had to be there and it happened. Mark probably feels like an ******* for the way he blew up and lost it anyway. He wouldn't talk to me though, just glared.
blind_otter Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 People who use other people suck. So childish. I hope things work out. Something like this would be enough for me to be leery of hanging out again with those people. I mean, the group dynamic will only disintegrate if that couple continues this behavior.
Author Engadget Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 People who use other people suck. So childish. I hope things work out. Something like this would be enough for me to be leery of hanging out again with those people. I mean, the group dynamic will only disintegrate if that couple continues this behavior. You're absolutely right, and the group falling apart over this is what worries me. Also makes it tough that I do actually find her attractive, but nothing can ever happen because of the situation. She's young and immature but that's to be expected since she's still only 18. Mark is older though, so they're almost a decade apart in age. This whole thing is happening because Mark was unfaithful and now he's getting paranoid because he feels guilty. From what she talked about, they probably shouldn't be together. He blames her for everything, insults her and then she finds calls and messages to other women. They shouldn't be together, I know because I had a similar issue in my last relationship with trust, cheating, etc. I'm not saying that because I want to be opportunistic either and seize the moment.
Recommended Posts