Odd conversation has had me upset ...

[Eisenhower]

Thought I was going to take a break from LS, but a conversation the other day has had me upset for some reason I can't quite put my finger on.

 

I was talking with a person who I am close to. My ex works in the same company, as well. This person knew of my having dated my ex and our breakup and I guess he could tell it affected me pretty deeply. At one point, when I brought her name up about something incidental, he said, "I hope you have come to peace with the fact that you are better off without her."

 

Now first, I really appreciate him caring enough about me to try to help. He's sort of like a mentor or father figure. But he said, "Because of your situation, I asked about her and it sounds like she's an odd person who's fighting a lot of demons and has fundamentally bad judgement, and that's not going to change any time soon."

 

That sort of left me with a weird feeling. I know she had a wild past before she had kids and started working for this company. It always bothered me frankly and that was a problem in our relationship. But she always keeps her private life so secret that I don't see how anyone from work would have any idea. The other possibility is there have always been a certain group of people who speculated that she has been with different guys at the company, even though I know none of this was true. She's young and sexy and you know how people like to speculate on things even if it's made up. I wonder if he was being told she's a tramp by one of those people who buy into that rumor mill. If that's the case it's all fiction. Or, the third option is that she's living a wild life again with the new guy she's with, who also works for the company, and word is getting around about that.

 

Bottom line is I don't know. But to his credit, he didn't want to go into detail and I didn't press it. He was just trying to make me realize I shouldn't be with her and thus, shouldn't be so hurt by it. But in reality, it just triggered a sort of sick feeling in my stomach about her ... like, do people know about her past, or is she acting like trash now ... or is it just the gossip mill accusing her of stuff she actually didn't do?

 

I can't even explain why it bothers me. It's just weird. I know I shouldn't care, but I just can't seem to stop caring. I loved her for a year and a half and even though I realize that we had little in common and shouldn't have been together, I still love her. I guess that's why it hurts.

 

Anyone ever experienced anything like this?

[teanoranges]

Sometimes something vaguely similar..

1. when my one mutual friend with him will mention something that he's doing and I know its in relation to his new gf...

2. when my friends start trash talking him (not bad or anything, but truthful things) and I feel I should stick up for him, but don't..

 

Best thing I can tell you, and trust me it sucks... I'd smack someone if they told me this... but...

these feelings will pass in time. Push them back.. Say 'No' to yourself when you catch yourself thinking about it...

sooner or later it'll be stored in the back of your head.

Forewarning: I have forgotten a lot of things this way that doesn't involve my ex too... I think I shut down my past memories to do so.

[jerrytodd]

Hi you might be surprised that SHE is the source of the information in the company. Towards the end of my relationship mine started saying all sorts of things about her past, how slutty she had been, that she has done "everything".

 

There could be a few reasons with my ex - she is out advertising herself as available or she is suddenly again proud of what she used to hate about herself or strangely, I think the reason my ex was so upfront about it to me (privately at first) was that she was warning me about what I might expect (infidelity some time).

 

In a previous post you said your was extra hot GF, bi- etc (hope we are talking about the same girl). Mine needs admiration for her low self esteem and sex as an anesthetic. Yours might be doing the same. At the same time she is ashamed of it.

 

Don't know. I know I could never ever say anything to my ex that would hurt her as much as she hurts herself with how she reacts to things.

 

And yes I hate hearing anything about her activities outside of the company. Hurts to hear anything actually.

Edited April 25, 2010 by jerrytodd

[Eisenhower]

Yeah, it's the same girl. I can guarantee she's not advertising anything - she's super locked down about her private life and she goes to great pains to seperate her private life from her work life (with the exception of now being on her second office romance). She won't have a Facebook page because she doesn't want coworkers on it and she goes to great pains to cover the tattoos she has with clothing, etc. She wants to be very respectable at work - she just sort of has a wild side (or had a wild side) when she was younger. I really don't believe she'd let anyone in on that side of her that wasn't in a relationship with her. Of course, if her new guy is talking, he might be the source ... who knows.

 

I tend to think this is probably about poeple spreading rumors that she's been with different guys at work and I know those are false. Given her "hottness" and youth, you have a lot of jealous older women who try to stick things on her. One gets a glimpse of a tattoo ... sees her talking to a guy and boom - office tramp. You know how that goes.

 

Listen to me, I sound like I need to defend her. I guess the problem is even thinking about her being wild with somone else makes me sick to my stomach. It's just hard to still be attracted to someone you can't have.

 

I am positive I'll have a better life without her. It just hasn't started yet, unfortunately.

[IronMaiden]

Unless you are trained as a CIA spy:laugh: at hiding your secret life, most people have a LOT of 'tells' and you would be surprised what people see without being told anything.