seeking answers Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 This is my first time posting on the forum.Will try and encapsulate my experience in as few words as possible and would deeply appreciate any advice and feedback. I was in a 5 month relationship that ended in a nasty breakup. We were both at fault in many ways. He got married one month after the break up.. He initiated intimacy with me hoping that I would commit. Obviously I did not do that. We finally called off our roller coaster ride. That time he sent me a text message, “so should I move on?”. I wrote to him, “Yes. Im sorry I didn’t mean to hurt you in any way. After a month he sent me an email asking me what I was doing. I should have ignored it but I answered. We chatted online for a few days. Then he said he was seeing someone and it was serious. I was shocked but said ok. A few days later he tells me that he is getting married and he told me the name of the girl he was marrying. I knew the girl since he had mentioned her a few times and knew her from before. I don’t think he was seeing her while he was with me but needless to say I felt gutted. He said he wanted me to be the first person to know this, even before he told any of his friends. I felt that was quite vindictive. I called him after a few days and gave him a piece of my mind. I took responsibility for the things I did wrong in the relationship but also told him that the way he broke the news to me first was quite juvenile and stupid. I don’t really know why he contacted me just to tell me he was getting married. I told him it would be best for us not to keep in touched and also told him that I did not mean any harm to him. He told me, "please dont hate me". After this I deleted his email and contact details from my cell phone. I went through the usual agony of having been humiliated and ended up feeling completely used. I don’t even know if my feelings were justified. After breaking off in September he got married in December. In November I started seeing someone. My guy knows about my ex and I told him in detail about all the aspects of the relationship including the bits where I felt I was wrong. Recently we got engaged. I feel happy with my guy and we share a mature and loving relationship. Sexually, emotionally and intellectually I feel quite content in this relationship and nothing is more important to me that this relationship. Im sure we will have some issues or problems like any other normal relationship but I know we can tackle them together. After I started dating my guy I never felt inclined to check up on my ex in any way. The fact that we don’t have common friends made it even easier. This brings me to what happened a few days back. My ex went through the effort of searching me on facebook (we are not added to each other’s profile) and wrote a private message to me. He basically asked me how I was doing and when I was getting married? He said it has been a long time now. He wrote a few things about himself, where he was working and asked me what my fiancé does. And then he signed off by asking me to keep him posted. So I am wondering why he did that. I mean we parted in an incredibly nasty way. I felt exceptionally humiliated and had made it completely clear to him that I did not want any interaction with him. Seeing his message made me cringe. Why did he think I would just start talking to him as if nothing had happened? I didnt reply because I do not wish to start any conversation with him. My fiancé is out of town and as soon as he gets home I will be telling him about this. I don’t wish to keep it hidden from him. I just wanted to ask if I did the right thing by ignoring him and I would like any opinions on why he contacted to me.
AriaIncognito Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 The first thing that comes to my mind is....(and dont hate me but)....if it bothers you this much that your ex is contacting you it makes me wonder if there aren't still feelings there...and if there are still feelings there, how are you committing yourself to someone else fully? I think you need to completely let go of the past, so to that end, it's best that you didn't reply and just ignored the email. It totally sucks that your ex and you split, and then he was so quickly moved onto (and engaged to) someone else, believe me, i get that. I've often been the one that gets the guy ready for the next girl to marry (2 out of my last 3 serious relationships) so that's always not so fun. Just focus on the fact that you are with someone and happy, and are planning on creating a life together with this person, and not the ex.
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