gtrplayer Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Ok... so we are trying to be NC, but the problem is.... SEX. Our 2.3yr relationship begain with it, was based upon it and we are REALLY good at it! REALLY good. We stay NC for the most part. I will get a random txt or phone call after about a week or a few days. She will jab at me with mean comments, spiteful msgs, and just all around "not nice" things for her to say to me. This is NORMAL for her though as she is literally inherently NOT a "nice person." After she's done berrating me, she will toss in the "if you haven't been with anyone yet, just come over quick and lets just have sex... I NEED it and don't want to put myself out there with just anyone... so...." Of course... I go and it's crazy because it is just that.. CRAZY! Wow! THE best and it ONLY gets better. I set some serious boundaries after our last encounter two nights ago though.... Haven't heard from her since. Although, when leaving that morning she had to txt me and jab at me with something. That's when I wrote back with the serious boundaries... Again, I haven't heard from her since. I know it's all "wrong" but how do I deal with this?? I kinda feel like I can't "really" move on I guess. I met a VERY VERY nice person that I have coffee with on occasion and THAT'S IT... we talk and enjoy each other... but it's wierd, because now...after all that crazy wild sex... I'm sort of losing interest in my "coffee partner" because I don't feel any "desire" towards her as I use to... ohhhhhh ok... so let me have it!
CaliGuy Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Umm you're getting used. At what point are you going to care more about yourself than cheap sex?!
Author gtrplayer Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 Thanks Cali Guy... I really do apprecaite your input... Do others agree??? And does that mean SHE is also being used???
AriaIncognito Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 I agree with Cali. You're a booty call. Had you said you'd slept with someone else you'd not have been considered either (which I actually find interesting that she had this qualifier). Stop being her doormat, unless of course that's all you want out of a relationship, in which case, go for it.
IronMaiden Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 I think it will be difficult to move on with someone else who you feel may be relationship material, if you keep this door cracked open. And you've pretty much said she's not a nice person, so I assume not great relationship material. The sex is chemically bonding you to her at this point however. Also, if you like someone else, and she finds out you are still sleeping with a FWB, well, she will probably dump you.
Author gtrplayer Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 The sex is chemically bonding you to her at this point however. Thank you all AGAIN!!! Could someone expand on the above??? What does this mean...? Bonding me to her?? Her last feeble attempt to "hold on" to me in "any" way etc...?? Same with me?
ButterflyGal Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 My ex dumped me about a month ago, but we've met up twice since then. Both times i was crying to him wanting to get back togeather, both times he was pretty straight in saying it's not gonna happen. My final desperate attempt at finding comfort from him was to initiate sex, of which he took to straight away, but immediately after leaving, nothing had changed. whilst he didnt "use me" per se, since i initiated it, he still took advantage. And both times, it held me back from moving on, in fact put me back at square one. So if you truly want to move on from this gal, you've got to stay away, no more contact. You know you can have great sex with someone you love and care about as well, infact, it'll probably be even better... in the mean time, get onto some good porn to keep you satisfied!
EthanH Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 I had a similar thing. But without wanting to sound like a bit of a wet blanket, i think it was more than sex. Maybe she is using you. But still part of me (and maybe this is to do with my situation) but I still think it is about her still having that emotional link to you (from her side)...and she isn't ready to let go of it. The way she is brash about it is just her covering up her feelings. Protecting herself from getting hurt. I just don't think that anyone who has been with someone for over 2 years can sleep with them and for there not to be any significance in it. Most people who have been in your situation, people who have replied on this thread, want to say it meant nothing to her, as in their experiences, it makes it easier to say that, to demonise their ex, and move on. Something which you seem to have been doing yourself, as you slept with her even though you admit she is 'a bad person' ...why?
Author gtrplayer Posted April 26, 2010 Author Posted April 26, 2010 Ahhh... yes, so THAT is what all her mean comments and strong sense of, "I" will always be fine, but YOU are a mess and will NEVER get better etc... She's covering up her real feelings with anger and dissapointment because I broke it off. The whole thing was terribly wrong... after much therapy, friends, family, even co-workers have told me... "wow... WHY are you with that person??" It was just wrong on so many levels... I have a LONG post on here somewhere if you want the full story. Bottom line is that it's over and I will NEVER go back. It's just this "lingering" sex thing that we sort of have happening. I mentioned earlier that the sex is even better now. Hmmmm... of COURSE it is!!! She is giving me EVERYTHING she can sexually... she knows what I like, she knows my taboos, she knows all the things... I believe she's going WAYYYY out on a limb sexually. Ohhh it's great, because I get to have things exactly how I've wanted them nearly all my life and the problem now I'm wondering if there will EVER be anyone that will be willing do to do that again! (probably part of her goal right??) Well, it works that's for sure... and I think she knows exactly what she's doing. She has stayed NC since our last encounter (Friday 3am). I think I'm begining to see the light... she is STILL "playing" me.... hmmmm... and I fall as always. Further thoughts?
CaliGuy Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 She has stayed NC since our last encounter (Friday 3am). I think I'm begining to see the light... she is STILL "playing" me.... hmmmm... and I fall as always. Further thoughts? There are no further thoughts. She is using you, you are allowing it and you're not healing. There's way more to relationships than sex. You don't have a relationship. You have a FWB that is getting what she wants out of you without giving you anything in return. Sucks being a door mat, isn't it?
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