This greatest mistake

[wainwold]

I've been going out with my girlfriend for 2-3 months now. We were having problems so I tried telling her but it wasn't going through. Stupidly and I still can't say why to this day, I listened to some guy's advice. "Just break up with her. She'll realize what she wants and come back." I was dead set on this within a half hour. Didn't even think it through. Biggest mistake I've ever made. I need to know what the hell to do. I just needed her to figure out what she wanted, and she never got that. This is everything I said to her but now I just gotta get her back. I should have said take a break instead of break up. HELP

 

Mimi,

I love you. I have since I first saw you. It took me 2 days to realize that you were worth changing for. Spending two days in your room took my mind off everything, the good and the bad. Your smile set my heart on fire and it won’t stop burning for you. But the reasons for my actions…I can’t find another option left.

Why I didn’t do something sooner, I can’t explain. If you want this, you need to say so because your actions say otherwise. So for now, think of what you want, not for me, but for you.

I’m not trying to offend you but you explained to me once what you and Gio had. It’s not what I would call an actual relationship. It’s more of you two being together. You guys adored each other and hooked up and all but you both didn’t care about things. You’re supposed to care Mimi. It’s what comes when you like someone.

Nihja told me about the flight to Florida and how Justin was texting you. He still had feelings for you and couldn’t hold them back and you still saw him and let him come over. I was oblivious to all of this until after the trip. You never told me he made a move on you until I asked and probably wouldn’t have told me unless I asked. Knowing that he still cared about you, of course he was going to be upset if he saw you with me. Also, leaving me at Ivy? Its one thing if you said you were going to go here and then said bye, but you just left and didn’t think anything of it. And then the whole time you texted me saying you didn’t know where you were but the next day you knew that you were at Cleaveland and where ever and I didn’t care that you went to J-3 but then I found out that you danced with Marty. Can you not get mad if you saw me dancing with Ariana? If not, I don’t know where your heads at because it would and did bothered the hell out of me.

I told you this week that I was getting sick and I understand if you were just like, “Ok, it’s just him getting sick.” But I told you I was throwing up, couldn’t eat and couldn’t sleep; and then I also told you about my grandfather and my school situation. You responded with, “You do what you need to do.” It was never, “Are you ok?” or “Is there anything I can do?” I don’t really care; it’s just helping me put pieces together to show that you’re not fully in this.

Figure out what you want. I know what I want. I care about you and the things you do. If you don’t about mine then you have a wall up that’s enabling you to not care but I can’t do it because I love you.

We rushed things. I can agree with that. The whole marriage bit, children and all were fast. I absolutely agree with that. But how we act now? Granted you’re busy. I’ll give you that. You’ve had a stressful week or two weeks as well. We don’t have to sleep together every night. You don’t always have to go out with me on weekends and vice versa. But we’re a couple. We’re supposed to do things together and lately, we haven’t been doing anything together, for the past two weeks in fact.

You’ve changed. The way you used to light up when you looked at me isn’t there anymore. The way you called me, “baby baby.” The way you used to kiss me or not let it go if I didn’t kiss you. How we act now, besides the hand holding or kissing is like we’re friends with benefits, or “together.” Maybe that’s what you want, but you need to figure it out. I’m done overwhelming you. I’m sorry for doing that and smothering you. But it is possible to do cute things for each other, or call just to see how you are. Remember when we used to text each other from across the room and we both couldn’t help but light up? Or when you ran into my arms when I didn’t see you for all of Spring Break? I miss it all. I miss lying in bed with you and just sitting there and talking. I miss so much of what we had that we don’t have anymore. We don’t have to be together 24-7. I’m not asking for that. But I am asking for a girlfriend because that’s what you signed up for when I asked you out. It wasn’t so we could be together, kiss, hold hands and chill. It was because I saw no other option. I didn’t just want to kiss you or hold your hand. I wanted to be yours and only yours.

So do what you need and figure out what you want. If it’s not me, that’s fine. I just have to get used to it, but for now I can’t keep holding this in.

I once told you, “You have my heart.” I wasn’t kidding. I’m not breaking up with you because I don’t care about you or don’t want to be with you. I’m doing it because I can’t do what we’re doing now and you leave so much out. You told me not to lie to you. I haven’t, and if I did, I told you or you called me out on it. You not telling me about Justin or dancing with Marty or whatever else; leaving half the truth out…. It’s a lie in itself. I’m not perfect. I’ve made mistakes. But if you want me, you have to stop hiding stuff. You have to stop leaving stuff out because I told you, at the end of the day, I would always be there. If you catch me on a mistake, I told you to call me out on it. I should have done the same a while ago. I hope you don’t think I’m asking a lot out of you. I just need you to figure out what you want.

Edited April 25, 2010 by wainwold

[wainwold]

I should have known before. Everyone can say that. I should have thought about it but I wanted to bad for things to get better that I couldn't see them getting worse and now I just need her back. I know some might say, just give it time. You'll get over her but I don't want that. I want her and only her. She has my heart and I'm not ready to take it back. I don't want to. I know what I want and even though she thinks it's not her, it is.

[starwolf242]

Hi, sounds to me like you really love this girl. She's very lucky to have a guy that wants so much to have a relationship with her. BUT you miss the hot period where you can't get enough of each other, the intimacy, affection, happiness etc but every relationship comes with cool periods too. it can't be hot all the time or we'd burn out. You said in your post that she's having a hard time recently. I hate to be harsh but if she's under a lot of pressure you're a jerk for breaking up with her during this time. moreover, from what you've said in your post things had been hard for 2 weeks. Are you kidding me? 2 weeks is nothing in the grand scheme of things. How long was it good for? if it was good for longer than it was bad what on earth are you complaining about? My ex did exactly the same. I had a really hard time last year and granted I had other things on my mind than just our relationship. He told me one weekend he was feeling neglected and broke up with me 2 weeks later. When the sh*t has hit the fan in your life, 2 weeks is not long enough to fix things.

 

As for the dancing with/hanging out with other guys, I can understand why you are jealous but did it ever occur to you that maybe she didn't mention it because it didn't seem worth mentioning? If I'm in a relationship but go out without my other half and some guy started dancing with me who i didn't know I would walk away. but if it was someone i considered a friend, I would think nothing of it and wouldn't feel the need to tell my bf I'd danced with so and so because as far as i'm concerned, it was just a dance. it wasn't like we were having sex or kissing or that i would even be flirting. I';m not clear what ahppened with this Jason person, he made a move, presumably she rejected him (?) but you're annoyed she didn't tell you about it? Again perhaps she thought telling you would upset you or cause problems and as long as she didn't do anything with this guy and told him she was yours then if your mate hadn't interfered and told you would you really have been any worse off not knowing? If that had happened to me and i'd told this bloke i wasn't interested because I was in love with someone else, i wouldn't tell my bf because I wouldn't want to upset him and plant a seed of doubt in his mind. If he asked me however, then i would be honest and tell him.

 

I don't know you or her (so all this is from my perspective based on what i would be like if i was her) but from what you're saying she seems either distracted with her own stuff or not as bothered about you as you think she should be. You've broken up with her (albeit irrationally) to give her time to consider what she wants. You have to give her that time now. If she decides you aren't what she wants then maybe you will think through dumping a girl next time if you aren't prepared to completely lose her. If you'd just dumped her coldheartedly i would suggest begging her back but you have made it clear tht you love her and want to be with her but that you feel she needs some time so you'll just have to wait for her. check in occasionally to see if she's made a decision and otherwise, try to get on with your life. Finally, stop listening to your stupid mates who have no vested interest in your feelings or your relationship. Think for yourself.

 

Again, sorry if i've been harsh. But this is close to a nerve for me as i was dumped by someone who said very similar things to you about me not lighting up anymore etc. He knew i was having a hard time and just abandonned me when i needed him the most. Not sure what your ex's deal is but my dramas were pretty serious.