lenaj Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 I will try to make the story short! Okay, so my boyfriend and I have been together two and 1/2 years now and have been looking to buy a house together lately. My mom uses my computer once in awhile to look at ancestry.ca and her email, but she really doesn't know how to use a computer. I just leave the windows open for her when I am not home and she manages to browse around. One day, she told me that she couldn't get to her new emails and that the computer was acting strange (she really doesn't understand it) and when I looked at it, I saw that she was logged in to my boyfriends account. (I guess he was on it earlier that day) She had opened an email of photos of his ex. Very explicit naked photos. This was in his hotmail sent box. It was sent from himself to himself which I didn't understand. It was awhile ago (about 6 months after we were together). When I asked him about it, he was horrified (who wouldn't be since my mom saw this even though I don't know if she realizes what she saw was her and his email account). He told me that yes he had those and they were only sent to him because he and his friend were having a laugh about it and he sent them to his email through his phone... the strange thing was though too was that there was a video of her giving him a you know what which I don't think he would have shown to his friend. We have been kinda rocky since then and I really don't know what to do about it... I am 99% sure that the videos happened before we met but why was he keeping this after we were together... Should I let it go? Should I ask for proof? Should I make sure he has nothing else like this? I feel like the stuff about showing it to his friend is a lie. Especially since I don't understand why they were in his sent box to himself... it would make sense if they were in his Inbox, but not the sent... I want to be reasonable but I also don't want to be letting an issue go that I shouldn't because it bothers me... even though we were newly dating, we were still together... Is this just a weird guy thing? The girl isn't a very attractive one, so I don't really get that either... I suppose she is average but the photos weren't the kind you'd be proud to show... and as far as I know he broke up with her a year and a half before I met him. The way he talks about her it sounded like a bad relationship, so I'm not worried that there is some kind of feelings there... I just don't get it. please help!
Fouts Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 I agree, it's strange and an issue. I don't think he kept them around to feel all warm and fuzzy and if what he says is true, you may one day be an ex with some pictures being sent to his friends or at the least left in his inbox for another future mother in-law to find.
Author lenaj Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 ONE THING: he claims he has deleted them and that he didn't know there were there in the first place... I am just not sure if I should let it go since I don't think they should not have been there at all...
Fouts Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 If he's in general a spaced out person, then that's plausible. I certainly know what is or isn't in my email, don't you? I'm not telling you to freak out about it, but it certainly is what it is.
norajane Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 (edited) It sounds like the photos and video were taken with his phone, so stored there. He accessed his email account from his phone so he could mail them to himself, so he would be able to look at them and save them on computer instead of them just being on his phone. That's why they are in his sent folder. He probably deleted the email from his Inbox after he downloaded and saved them on his computer. But forgot to delete them from his Sent folder. Now, why he was doing this 6 months ago, I don't know. Maybe his phone memory was full, so he needed to get rid of some stuff. But he wanted to save them instead of just deleting, so he chose to send/save to his computer. I don't buy the story that he was having a laugh with his friend. I can't think of a "harmless" reason, except maybe as masturbation fodder. It doesn't matter if she is or isn't unattractive - he thought she was attractive enough to date, anyway - he's starring in that bj show, so that's enough of a turn-on for masturbation. Edited April 25, 2010 by norajane
Author lenaj Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 The photos were sent 2 and a bit years ago, so it would have been about 4 months after we met. There was nothing suspicious after that. But we were still dating.
Romance Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Uhhh there is no reason for him to have those, AT ALL
spookie Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 personally, i wouldn't have a problem with the photos - everyone's got a past, and we all have different opinions on how much of it we should remember. personally, it bothers me to forget anything that was once important to me, even tho i may have moved on. but if those were my photos, i wouldn't view them as sexual tokens, byut sentimental reminders that i'd probably keep in a dusty box somehwere out of view. and i wouldn't have kept the video. what would bother me to the point of it being a dealbreaker about this situation is that he showed that video to his friend. that is extremely crappy and possibly illegal.
AriaIncognito Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Unfortunately, I think it's normal that the guy still has these around. I know for a fact that an ex of mine (whom I was with for 4 years) has some pics of me (no face lol) still to this day (that his wife knows nothing about according to him). I think men just like to remember that they have had others. Maybe it keeps them from straying to fantasize about familiar women? Who knows. As much as you might feel uncomfortable with it, if you are sure he is faithful, and you love him, then I'd just recommend letting bygones be bygones. He might never look at those photos either way. If you think there's a possibility he's cheating, then that's a whole other problem.
sagetalk Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 It could be worse, he could be a nice guy that only thinks about you and would never cheat on you with another women. Now that would be a real nightmare . This guy is a loser, but I think you already know that. If this is the kind of guy you want, then go for it. People make bad decisions choosing dating partners all the time.
melindasian Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 I know boys do not delete these pics! They want to keep them like notches in a belt! It gives them a big head! And yes they show their friends. When you get married, ask then for them to go in the bin! If you can't beat em join em! Bit of Aussie for you. Have a look yourself and then just go "eeww don't like her or yeah she was hot! Past is past, they are in HIS past!
shadowofman Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 I have pics of my ex that I do not show anyone and in fact I do not look at them at all. But I can't bring myself to delete them because I irrationally covet them. If my SO were to find them and tell me to delete them I would fight tooth and nail, but for no good reason at all. Like I said, I don't even look at them. Not sure why I feel this way.
Citizen Erased Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Do you really want to be with someone that would show such private things to one of his mates for a laugh? How charming he sounds.
flc Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 I know boys do not delete these pics! They want to keep them like notches in a belt! It gives them a big head! And yes they show their friends. When you get married, ask then for them to go in the bin! If you can't beat em join em! Bit of Aussie for you. Have a look yourself and then just go "eeww don't like her or yeah she was hot! Past is past, they are in HIS past! This is certainly true and more for some men than others. I have a friend who spent most of his life traveling around the world for his job. He was one of those guys who had one or more girls in every city. He has explicit pictures of every women he ever slept with and brings them out every now and again. Some people like to remember the architecure from the cities they have visited this guy likes to remember the p***y he had.
BWLoca Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 It disturbs me more that he's laughing about them.
123BeachFan Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 My guess is that he had this video stored on his cell phone, and wanted to put it in "deep storage" in his email. Maybe he thought his email was a more secure place to keep his acquisitions. I doubt he was sharing a laugh with his friend over a video of his ex. Not unless he's really immature. I would guess instead that he moved it to hide it, and lied to you his reason for emailing it to himself (he figured he was in the doghouse enough already). It would be very disturbing if this is something she emailed to him while you two were dating, 4 months into your relationship. If this was something old, well he's a dog, but most guys given his situation wouldn't delete past conquests either.
Knittress Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 What? Does this mean I have to delete all the naughty pics of MY ex-boyfriends? ;>) But seriously, I don't believe in deleting pictures from the past. It happened, it meant something. The idea of someone else coming in and re-writing my past to suit their own image of who they want me to be bothers me to no end... Also, everyone deserves a private life - though it's inconsiderate to be shoving it in your face. But then he wasn't, really.
O'Malley Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 His past antics wouldn't have come out if he hadn't been foolish enough to put those images where they could easily be found. The explanation about the friend sounds like a lie, and makes his behavior look worse if he's actually telling the truth. If this is your computer, he obviously needs to store his mementos elsewhere.
TaurusTerp Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 I have pics/vids of all my ex girlfriends. I doubt Ill ever delete them. I also wouldn't show them to anyone else though. That's horribly douchetastic. Dump him.
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