Be Happy Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 My wife is uncommunicative sexually i.e. she doesn't talk about sex, she is like a log when we make love, is relativly limited in her reportoire, has no interest in lingerie, fantasies, masterbation, talking dirty, toys...If sex were the only part of our marriage, I'd have left a long time ago. She's a wonderful mother and great friend (ouch). She is very controlling sexually, relatively inhibited, has been this way for the 23 years I've known her . I'm reading 'Mating in Captivity' - great ideas and concepts. I could go on ad nauseum about being fit, sharing in chores, not whining, not pressuring, - the quality and quantity of a sexless marriage sucks. She wants to love me and she does, so the fear aspect is one she doesn't get. She doesn't know what to do with her body, really her mind is a blank canvas when it come to sex - what the f*** I'm just going to walk out and start over. I'm not going to have an affair to satisfy the physical and mental lack of sex. Maybe I should chuck this marriage and see what else is out there.
Tethys Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 My wife is uncommunicative sexually i.e. she doesn't talk about sex, she is like a log when we make love, is relativly limited in her reportoire, has no interest in lingerie, fantasies, masterbation, talking dirty, toys...If sex were the only part of our marriage, I'd have left a long time ago. She's a wonderful mother and great friend (ouch). She is very controlling sexually, relatively inhibited, has been this way for the 23 years I've known her . I'm reading 'Mating in Captivity' - great ideas and concepts. I could go on ad nauseum about being fit, sharing in chores, not whining, not pressuring, - the quality and quantity of a sexless marriage sucks. She wants to love me and she does, so the fear aspect is one she doesn't get. She doesn't know what to do with her body, really her mind is a blank canvas when it come to sex - what the f*** I'm just going to walk out and start over. I'm not going to have an affair to satisfy the physical and mental lack of sex. Maybe I should chuck this marriage and see what else is out there. Don't do it. Don't walk out if this is the only thing that's lacking without at least trying to decipher what her main issue(s) is(are). There might be one thing that's holding her back from able to express herself in bed.
You Go Girl Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 She's not into kink, period, and probably never will be. So learn to make love to her, to get her to engage emotionally in bed. Don't talk dirty, talk about how much you care about her--for her it probably is far more arousing than dirty talk will ever be. Or--chuck it all. Maybe you can leave your best friend, family, and find a porn star.
giotto Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 any children? Have you talked to her about how you feel? You don't mention it...
Toodamnpragmatic Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 (edited) My wife is uncommunicative sexually i.e. she doesn't talk about sex, she is like a log when we make love, is relativly limited in her reportoire, has no interest in lingerie, fantasies, masterbation, talking dirty, toys...If sex were the only part of our marriage, I'd have left a long time ago. She's a wonderful mother and great friend (ouch). She is very controlling sexually, relatively inhibited, has been this way for the 23 years I've known her . I'm reading 'Mating in Captivity' - great ideas and concepts. I could go on ad nauseum about being fit, sharing in chores, not whining, not pressuring, - the quality and quantity of a sexless marriage sucks. She wants to love me and she does, so the fear aspect is one she doesn't get. She doesn't know what to do with her body, really her mind is a blank canvas when it come to sex - what the f*** I'm just going to walk out and start over. I'm not going to have an affair to satisfy the physical and mental lack of sex. Maybe I should chuck this marriage and see what else is out there. Looks like your lying in it.... 23 years and you haven't discussed this.... heck I'm at 24, but at least all it is, is about quantity...... Thank you, for not going on about what a great husband you are (join the line:p).... You need to talk..... Don't mention whether she likes sex.... It is afterall about the O, isn't it???? And how often do you do it? Frankly you are a poster child for someone who should look for an affair..... You seem to intimate your wife just does not care..... Have your needs met elsewhere and be the best husband at home..... Edited April 26, 2010 by Toodamnpragmatic
You Go Girl Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 Frankly you are a poster child for someone who should look for an affair..... You seem to intimate your wife just does not care..... Have your needs met elsewhere and be the best husband at home..... ummm...WRONG! Those who cheat for a little nookie are selfish, arrogant, and missing out on the whole point of intimacy in marriage. They also lack integrity and self-respect, not to forget to mention a whole lot of respect for their spouse. Sex is secondary. First you must connect with your wife on an emotional level, love--remember that? Love of the heart, not love of the loins. Get your priorities in order, and the rest will fall into place. If the sex life doesn't improve AFTER learning how to connect emotionally, and I do mean LEARNING, then there's another discussion to be had.
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