guys... do you really know what you want?

[Chrome Barracuda]

As a man i know what i want, the question is when men meet a woman, will she have baggage, issues with her ex, or just be so closed off would the relationship ever work?

 

There are some women that are just for sex or ONS's, but there are women who make good relationship partners.

 

It all depends on the man and the woman.

 

I' myself is personally looking but women need to be clear with what they want, I aint in the mood for games and trying to get past their cockblocking friends.

[Krytie TV]

Sure we know what we want. The problem is that if I meet you and only want to have sex with you, the trick is getting that sex from you by making you think that I want you as a girlfriend. That's where all the confusion comes in.

 

You think we don't know what we want, when in reality we just don't want you to know what we really want.

[tkgirl]

Sure we know what we want. The problem is that if I meet you and only want to have sex with you, the trick is getting that sex from you by making you think that I want you as a girlfriend. That's where all the confusion comes in.

 

You think we don't know what we want, when in reality we just don't want you to know what we really want.

 

I said I think most guys do know what they want... the problem lies in that they are not always honest with themselves about it... or in your case, honest with the woman!

[Engadget]

I want to find my "soul mate" if she actually exists. Someone who I click with so closely mentally it's like we're one.

 

Also someone who's sexually compatible.

[tkgirl]

Cyndi Lauper tells us that girls just wanna have fun. Can't go wrong when remembering that theme...see' date=' we guys DO listen! [/quote']

 

we DO just want to have fun! but we just don't want our hearts stomped on in the process! anyho.. my situation doesn't really have much to do with my thread... except for I gave this guy the excuse of "not knowing what he wanted" for way too long... but in reality he did... not me! the idiot...

[EasyHeart]

I agree that most guys know what they want. The problem is that what guys often want (especially when we're in our teens and twenties) is lots of sex and no "relationship". Some guys learn to lie in order to trick women, but I think most are pretty clear that they don't want a relationship. But a lot of times, women don't listen and think they can change the guy's mind.

 

YOU CANNOT CHANGE ANYONE, LADIES!

[tkgirl]

I agree that most guys know what they want. The problem is that what guys often want (especially when we're in our teens and twenties) is lots of sex and no "relationship". Some guys learn to lie in order to trick women, but I think most are pretty clear that they don't want a relationship. But a lot of times, women don't listen and think they can change the guy's mind.

YOU CANNOT CHANGE ANYONE, LADIES!

 

can you repeat that for those who didn't hear you in the back?

 

meaning.. I totally agree with you!

[Chrome Barracuda]

FINALLY! someone gets it!

 

There's alot of women that ends up dating a guy who she knows will not stop seeing other women and settling down and yet they try so hard to change him. If he isnt loving you from the beginging he wont.

[tkgirl]

FINALLY! someone gets it!

 

There's alot of women that ends up dating a guy who she knows will not stop seeing other women and settling down and yet they try so hard to change him. If he isnt loving you from the beginging he wont.

 

yes! THAT is the point I was trying to make all along!

[xRJ85x]

of course, when two people's lives get more entangled things can get really skewed after a while... I guess I'm talking about when two people meet for the first time... like in a dating situation, met online or what have you...

 

Yea, that's what I was talking about too. When you meet someone, you have absolutely no idea of what kind of person they are. So how could you know you want in them? I know exactly what I want in a girlfriend, which is why dating life is so stressful, because you set high standards. But when I actually meet a girl in person, I have no idea of what I'd see in her, with the exception of being physically attracted to her. And even that means less and less if you started out friends and grow closer down the road. The girl you're helping me with now? Sure, I thought she was kind of cute, but I didn't even bother because there were plenty of other girls I was way more physically attracted to. I didn't think anything above being a casual friend, but it was after she got really close to me that I found out more and more what type of person she was. So the bottom line is no one should say they know what they want out of a person in the first five minutes of meeting them, because the truth is you don't know @#$%!!!

 

Which is now going to bring me to my rant on the whole stress on the word "dating."

 

A few months ago, I asked out this one girl I worked at the gym with. She asked me "Ummm...like a date date or just hanging out as a friend?" What I wish I could have said was "Ummm does it f*ckin matter!?" Too many labels in this world. Yes, you need the exclusive bf/gf label, but all these other ones just create such an over-serious approach. If someone wants to hang out with someone you initially have similar personality traits and interests in, you should, and not be freaked out that this stranger you don't know jack about wants to try and start up a serious relationship with you. Because the truth is that's the easiest way to miss out on what could be your best relationship. On another point, I don't know about other people, but my ideal girlfriend is one that I can bring to hang out with all my guy friends too. Which is exactly a problem that stems to girlfriends and boyfriends getting in the way of hanging out with other friends. I personally think the group hang out is be the best, smartest type of "date" you can do because there's no way better to get to know someone than if you've got plenty of support to bring out the personality and interests in a person. Unfortunately, the group date is a huge no-no to 99.999% of the population.

 

Hang out with people, and if you find yourself getting closer and closer to a person, then obviously you're getting closer to what makes you happy. And that goes a lot further than any words or false thoughts can go.

 

/rant

[tkgirl]

Yea, that's what I was talking about too. When you meet someone, you have absolutely no idea of what kind of person they are. So how could you know you want in them? I know exactly what I want in a girlfriend, which is why dating life is so stressful, because you set high standards. But when I actually meet a girl in person, I have no idea of what I'd see in her, with the exception of being physically attracted to her. And even that means less and less if you started out friends and grow closer down the road. The girl you're helping me with now? Sure, I thought she was kind of cute, but I didn't even bother because there were plenty of other girls I was way more physically attracted to. I didn't think anything above being a casual friend, but it was after she got really close to me that I found out more and more what type of person she was. So the bottom line is no one should say they know what they want out of a person in the first five minutes of meeting them, because the truth is you don't know @#$%!!!

 

Which is now going to bring me to my rant on the whole stress on the word "dating."

 

A few months ago, I asked out this one girl I worked at the gym with. She asked me "Ummm...like a date date or just hanging out as a friend?" What I wish I could have said was "Ummm does it f*ckin matter!?" Too many labels in this world. Yes, you need the exclusive bf/gf label, but all these other ones just create such an over-serious approach. If someone wants to hang out with someone you initially have similar personality traits and interests in, you should, and not be freaked out that this stranger you don't know jack about wants to try and start up a serious relationship with you. Because the truth is that's the easiest way to miss out on what could be your best relationship. On another point, I don't know about other people, but my ideal girlfriend is one that I can bring to hang out with all my guy friends too. Which is exactly a problem that stems to girlfriends and boyfriends getting in the way of hanging out with other friends. I personally think the group hang out is be the best, smartest type of "date" you can do because there's no way better to get to know someone than if you've got plenty of support to bring out the personality and interests in a person. Unfortunately, the group date is a huge no-no to 99.999% of the population.

 

Hang out with people, and if you find yourself getting closer and closer to a person, then obviously you're getting closer to what makes you happy. And that goes a lot further than any words or false thoughts can go.

 

/rant

 

of course.. there a MILLION grey areas! the point of my post was that I believe most guys do know what they want when they first meet a girl... as in he sees her as someone he would like to get to know more or could care less about her her and just sees her as a piece of @$$.. too many girls on here seem to be finding themselves in these go nowhere "FWB" types of situations and they wonder why the guy won't come around and all of a sudden fall in love with them... chances are his mind was made up at the beginning and it would be to their benefit to realize this. I know it's how I have to approach dating now.. I will look at how he treats me from the beginning and until I believe I can trust him with my heart he ain't getting any!

[EasyHeart]

of course.. there a MILLION grey areas! the point of my post was that I believe most guys do know what they want when they first meet a girl... as in he sees her as someone he would like to get to know more or could care less about her her and just sees her as a piece of @$$.. too many girls on here seem to be finding themselves in these go nowhere "FWB" types of situations and they wonder why the guy won't come around and all of a sudden fall in love with them... chances are his mind was made up at the beginning and it would be to their benefit to realize this. I know it's how I have to approach dating now.. I will look at how he treats me from the beginning and until I believe I can trust him with my heart he ain't getting any!

This is absolutely true. It might take a few dates, but I certainly know by then whether she is a ST fling or has LT potential. Any guy who wants to be FWB is telling you straight up that he would never consider you for a girlfriend or a relationship. Why is that so hard for some people to grasp?

 

If women want a LT relationship that might lead to marriage, the No. 1 Rule is to keep your legs together. If a guy still wants to get to know you even after he knows he isn't getting any for a while (but you make clear that it's a definite potential in the future) then he's interested in you. If he disappears or pressures you for sex, then he is just looking for someone to get his dick wet.

[Philetus]

because I think you do...

 

they say a guy knows within the first 5 minutes of meeting a girl... or maybe it's just a minute? whether or not he wants to just sleep with her, or be friends, or make her his girlfriend... or none of the above! and I think women know this too... but for whatever reasons we refuse to accept it. For instance, we know deep down that the guy may just want sex but somehow we think we can turn it into a relationship. While the guy has already decided what he wants and most likely he is not going to change his mind.

 

I think if we can see how things really are and learn to cut our losses it would save us a lot of heartache down the road...

 

... or maybe I'm way off... thoughts?

 

When I meet a woman, she very quickly (less than a minute) is put in one of three categories.

- I like this person romantically

- I like the person but non-romantically

- I don't want anything more to do with this person.

 

From there, it gets broken down further later.

 

If I'm interested in someone romantically/sexually I can take a long time to figure out what I want that relationship to become. I usually let them go where they want to go, follow my heart, and be honest with myself.

 

Certainly though, I make snap decisions (almost instantaneous) on who I'm interested in romantically and whom I'm not. I went on a speed date on Friday and I knew, before it started, which two women I was interested in. (I left that night with both their phone numbers. )

[tkgirl]

When I meet a woman, she very quickly (less than a minute) is put in one of three categories.

- I like this person romantically

- I like the person but non-romantically

- I don't want anything more to do with this person.

 

From there, it gets broken down further later.

 

If I'm interested in someone romantically/sexually I can take a long time to figure out what I want that relationship to become. I usually let them go where they want to go, follow my heart, and be honest with myself.

 

Certainly though, I make snap decisions (almost instantaneous) on who I'm interested in romantically and whom I'm not. I went on a speed date on Friday and I knew, before it started, which two women I was interested in. (I left that night with both their phone numbers. )

 

yep... that's what I heard lots of guys do... well, in books I've read etc. and that's pretty much what I was trying to say in my OP... except that I believe there's two subcategories to the "romantic possibility" one.. girlfriend material and fling material... I guess that can be determined later though?

Anyho, I've decided I need to base my new dating philosophy on this idea... that if I "sense" a guy only sees me a sexual conquest or whatever, I'm not going to waste my time and think "ok, but maybe he will change and learn to love me later..." basically I'm going to have more respect for myself and not settle... BUT if he's hot and I'm up for just a ONS, well.. that changes everything! but the next morning he's forgotten...

Edited April 27, 2010 by tkgirl

[xRJ85x]

When I meet a woman, she very quickly (less than a minute) is put in one of three categories.

- I like this person romantically

- I like the person but non-romantically

- I don't want anything more to do with this person.

 

From there, it gets broken down further later.

 

If I'm interested in someone romantically/sexually I can take a long time to figure out what I want that relationship to become. I usually let them go where they want to go, follow my heart, and be honest with myself.

 

Certainly though, I make snap decisions (almost instantaneous) on who I'm interested in romantically and whom I'm not. I went on a speed date on Friday and I knew, before it started, which two women I was interested in. (I left that night with both their phone numbers. )

 

TK, this is much more how the smart guys think. I think what you were getting at was more so the casual sex/one nighter/FWB thing vs. the emotional/relationship thing, yes? Lemme know if I got ya right! Because that's where I say this separates the smart guys from the dumb guys, because simply, I think the casual sex/one nighter/FWB thing is bull**** because that's usually where someone gets hurt. It was me a few years ago in college (yes, just like every other guy, I was dumb at one point!), and I dunno if I hurt any girls (I think I slightly hurt one), but I definitely got hurt. So I don't do it anymore.

 

This is a good model to make my point with; my point being that it's what guys THINK they want. I've met plenty of 8s, 9s, and 10s that I thought just flat out weren't my type. So technically, if I thought first "Hmmm I could see this girl being my girlfriend!" I was obviously kidding myself. If a girl is in anyway attractive to me, I'll make a point to get to know her. But I never go into that situation thinking: A) what most guys think in that "I want to have sex with this girl, future or no future with her," and B) "I want her to be my girlfriend" or "I don't want her to be my girlfriend." I have to get to know her first before I make that decision.

[tkgirl]

TK, this is much more how the smart guys think. I think what you were getting at was more so the casual sex/one nighter/FWB thing vs. the emotional/relationship thing, yes? Lemme know if I got ya right! Because that's where I say this separates the smart guys from the dumb guys, because simply, I think the casual sex/one nighter/FWB thing is bull**** because that's usually where someone gets hurt. It was me a few years ago in college (yes, just like every other guy, I was dumb at one point!), and I dunno if I hurt any girls (I think I slightly hurt one), but I definitely got hurt. So I don't do it anymore.

 

This is a good model to make my point with; my point being that it's what guys THINK they want. I've met plenty of 8s, 9s, and 10s that I thought just flat out weren't my type. So technically, if I thought first "Hmmm I could see this girl being my girlfriend!" I was obviously kidding myself. If a girl is in anyway attractive to me, I'll make a point to get to know her. But I never go into that situation thinking: A) what most guys think in that "I want to have sex with this girl, future or no future with her," and B) "I want her to be my girlfriend" or "I don't want her to be my girlfriend." I have to get to know her first before I make that decision.

 

thanks X.. I really do appreciate your input.. but I don't think you could ever really see this dating thing from my point of view since well, I'm a girl and you're a guy! what I'm trying to do is find a new approach to dating so I can hopefully avoid any more mistakes. It's like I have to believe that guys know what they want with me from the beginning... even if they don't! and then act accordingly.. no more "well, he doesn't know what he wants" and then wait around for him to figure it out... that just doesn't work for me anymore... I'm too old for that crap I guess!

[xRJ85x]

thanks X.. I really do appreciate your input.. but I don't think you could ever really see this dating thing from my point of view since well, I'm a girl and you're a guy! what I'm trying to do is find a new approach to dating so I can hopefully avoid any more mistakes. It's like I have to believe that guys know what they want with me from the beginning... even if they don't! and then act accordingly.. no more "well, he doesn't know what he wants" and then wait around for him to figure it out... that just doesn't work for me anymore... I'm too old for that crap I guess!

 

Sorta, but I think I can level a lot more than most guys can because, well, I know most guys would laugh at my previous post about my new found limitations on sex. Well, for starters, you gotta cross your fingers. I can tell you I'm flat out sick of girls constantly changing their minds for no damn reason on me, just like your sick of dumb guys who are too immature to know what they want (or worse, even care what they want). But for starters, you can simply put restrictions on sex for yourself (no sleeping with a guy until you've developed something deeper with him than a platonic friendship). For example:

 

Three years ago, my last year in college, I had a girl approach me, very interested. She gave me her number, and we talked occasionally online and got to know each other a little better. We really didn't have that much in common, but she still seemed interested in getting closer to me. However, one night when I was drunk and only wanted sex with her (SEE!? THIS WAS STUPID ME!!!) I tried going back to her apartment. She didn't have it, and just smiled and gave me a friendly hug goodbye. I was left there feeling a little down and very stupid. But as I type this today, I applaud her over and over. She saved herself from getting used by my immaturity. So basically, just show guys that you don't want any of their bull****. Just try to get to know them.

 

Is that kinda what you're getting at?

[EasyHeart]

thanks X.. I really do appreciate your input.. but I don't think you could ever really see this dating thing from my point of view since well, I'm a girl and you're a guy! what I'm trying to do is find a new approach to dating so I can hopefully avoid any more mistakes. It's like I have to believe that guys know what they want with me from the beginning... even if they don't! and then act accordingly.. no more "well, he doesn't know what he wants" and then wait around for him to figure it out... that just doesn't work for me anymore... I'm too old for that crap I guess!

Two quick points that might help you in your new dating philosophy:

 

1. For me at least, the ST-LT decision is not immediate (the attraction thing definitely is). Just recently, I met someone who I first put into the ST category, but after a few long talks I realized that there was a lot more to her than I thought, so she was mentally moved into the LT category. It can go to other way around to. But that decision takes a week or two, not months or years.

 

2. One mistake I see women make all the time is that they think if a guy is really aggressive and pursues them hard right away, he must really, really like them. But usually, those are the guys looking for a ST fling. If I think someone might be a LT prospect, I want to take things very slowly. There's no reason to rush if you plan to stick around for a while.

[tkgirl]

Sorta, but I think I can level a lot more than most guys can because, well, I know most guys would laugh at my previous post about my new found limitations on sex. Well, for starters, you gotta cross your fingers. I can tell you I'm flat out sick of girls constantly changing their minds for no damn reason on me, just like your sick of dumb guys who are too immature to know what they want (or worse, even care what they want). But for starters, you can simply put restrictions on sex for yourself (no sleeping with a guy until you've developed something deeper with him than a platonic friendship). For example:

 

Three years ago, my last year in college, I had a girl approach me, very interested. She gave me her number, and we talked occasionally online and got to know each other a little better. We really didn't have that much in common, but she still seemed interested in getting closer to me. However, one night when I was drunk and only wanted sex with her (SEE!? THIS WAS STUPID ME!!!) I tried going back to her apartment. She didn't have it, and just smiled and gave me a friendly hug goodbye. I was left there feeling a little down and very stupid. But as I type this today, I applaud her over and over. She saved herself from getting used by my immaturity. So basically, just show guys that you don't want any of their bull****. Just try to get to know them.

 

Is that kinda what you're getting at?

 

yep... I'll admit, I wasn't super clear on the whole 5 minute thing myself when I started my thread. I guess what I read was guys know in the first 5 minutes whether or not they want to even pursue the girl... all bets are off what happens after that! meaning millions of grey areas...

so then I bring up what happened with ex because he was so ambivalent with me... wasn't out to just get laid, seemed like wanted to get to know me etc. etc. and then proceeded to walk in and out of my life... didn't feel that connection... he's sorry and he missed me... he didn't know what he wanted... he missed me... he thought I deserved better... you get the point! so now I feel like if a guy is that unsure of "what he wants" then he just doesn't want ME and I have to let him go... instead of holding out for hope that someday he might realize he does want to be with me.

hmmm... does that sound familiar X?

 

Two quick points that might help you in your new dating philosophy:

 

1. For me at least, the ST-LT decision is not immediate (the attraction thing definitely is). Just recently, I met someone who I first put into the ST category, but after a few long talks I realized that there was a lot more to her than I thought, so she was mentally moved into the LT category. It can go to other way around to. But that decision takes a week or two, not months or years.

 

2. One mistake I see women make all the time is that they think if a guy is really aggressive and pursues them hard right away, he must really, really like them. But usually, those are the guys looking for a ST fling. If I think someone might be a LT prospect, I want to take things very slowly. There's no reason to rush if you plan to stick around for a while.

 

yep... this thread has made me realize that... so thanks everyone!

 

and from now on I will not jump into things blindly with guys and then hope for the best later...

[Philetus]

yep... that's what I heard lots of guys do... well, in books I've read etc. and that's pretty much what I was trying to say in my OP... except that I believe there's two subcategories to the "romantic possibility" one.. girlfriend material and fling material... I guess that can be determined later though?

Anyho, I've decided I need to base my new dating philosophy on this idea... that if I "sense" a guy only sees me a sexual conquest or whatever, I'm not going to waste my time and think "ok, but maybe he will change and learn to love me later..." basically I'm going to have more respect for myself and not settle... BUT if he's hot and I'm up for just a ONS, well.. that changes everything! but the next morning he's forgotten...

 

Yes, girlfriend vs. fling may NOT be apparent quickly but often it is to me.

 

There are qualities that I really prize - eg. intelligence, humour (sorry for the Canadian spelling , and self confidence. If any of those are missing then a relationship isn't going to happen. Often I can tell pretty quickly (likely in less than 5 minutes) who has it, and who doesn't.

 

However... one person I'm currently seeing went from ST to LT-possible when I discovered that her intelligence and self confidence were hidden. She surprised me. So, it can definitely change.

 

When I'm single, I flirt with everyone I find attractive. In the vast majority of cases, I'm looking for a good time. The difference between me now at 40 than at 20, is I'm honest about it.

 

I know in my case, you (nor anyone) can change me or change what I want.

 

I love the fact that you're taking control of your dating. I'm most attracted to women who are selfish, who put their needs first. It makes them confident and independent and gives them power. I find that really sexy.

[xRJ85x]

yep... I'll admit, I wasn't super clear on the whole 5 minute thing myself when I started my thread. I guess what I read was guys know in the first 5 minutes whether or not they want to even pursue the girl... all bets are off what happens after that! meaning millions of grey areas...

so then I bring up what happened with ex because he was so ambivalent with me... wasn't out to just get laid, seemed like wanted to get to know me etc. etc. and then proceeded to walk in and out of my life... didn't feel that connection... he's sorry and he missed me... he didn't know what he wanted... he missed me... he thought I deserved better... you get the point! so now I feel like if a guy is that unsure of "what he wants" then he just doesn't want ME and I have to let him go... instead of holding out for hope that someday he might realize he does want to be with me.

hmmm... does that sound familiar X?

 

Yea, pretty much. I'll know either "I want to get to know this girl" or "I don't want to get to know this girl," and that's pretty much based off physical attraction.

 

Did you still like/love him? I know he was partially at fault, but it was plenty worth giving a second chance, for both your happiness. The way I see it, just as you can't control feelings, that sense of missing someone after you haven't been with them is a feeling. It's easy and very common to see that we take things for granted, and don't realize what we have until they're gone. I see that as a partially uncontrollable mistake, he can't know how much he misses you until you're gone. That's apart of love.

 

And yes it does sound a little familiar! But I guess I kinda expected it to come into play at SOME point in this. The problem with us was that we BOTH didn't realize what we wanted. We spent time all through college laughing and having fun, but at the same time talking to each other about other guys and girls. I blame her for being the one taking it further because, well, she was the one who called me to tell me she missed me and kept in touch to get even closer! I feel like the a-hole now because I'm the one getting hurt! So that's why I'm gonna make her realize what she's put both of us into. (I'm gonna have to keep this convo handy when I talk to her lol).

 

This pretty much sums up that men and women cannot be close friends, unless they are completely devoid of any sexual attraction to each other. It's the exact same thing as a FWB situation. Just as someone ends up getting hooked because of the sex, someone ends up getting hurt because of the love/caring. I have a lot of friends who are girls, very attractive one's as well. But I've never gotten close with them. I've had fun with them, I've been there for them when they needed me, but I never kept it on a consistent basis that either of us got emotionally attached. My best example? One girl (my best friend's ex) and I would act like we were close (always being touchy-feely, saying "I love you", supporting each other when we were going through difficult times). She's very attractive, should we have continued being close on a consistent basis, someone would have gotten attached. But we didn't. We see or talk to each other every once in a while, and then not hear from each other again for a few months. We felt like we wanted to stay close, but not go too far. Unfortunately for me, this girl wanted to go far without knowing, which is why I'm going to call her out on it.

[Engadget]

I apparently want girls with boyfriends who flip out when they come on to me. The only two girls I'm remotely interested in now, are taken (well one isn't now because she came on to me drunk) and it makes things complicated.

 

She actually interests me a lot though, mentally as well as physically. When we've talked we've clicked for sure, in a way I haven't with any girl I've met since my ex.

 

Chances are I have to squash the hope, because her boyfriend/ex boyfriend is a good friend of mine's brother, whom I also consider a friend. The unwritten "bro" code won't allow me to get with her, but it'll be hard.

 

More than anything I want someone I connect with mentally as well as physically. Looks may draw me in, but they never keep me if the personality isn't right for me. This girl is sarcastic like me, has a sexy southern-belle accent and an almost identical sense of humor.

 

Why me? ha...

[xRJ85x]

More than anything I want someone I connect with mentally as well as physically. Looks may draw me in, but they never keep me if the personality isn't right for me. This girl is sarcastic like me, has a sexy southern-belle accent and an almost identical sense of humor.

 

Why me? ha...

 

Exactly. I found I get more physically attracted if the girl's personality clicks enough. The girl obviously has to be somewhat physically attractive, but personality can take it to a whole other level. That's why I say screw the sex (no pun intended), let me get to know you first.

[Cora]

Everyone makes mistakes. It's a part of being human and a part of life. The key is not to make the same mistakes. You can't learn from mistakes if you don't make them. I don't understand why people are so afraid of making them?

 

Yeah, I was one of those girls who got caught up in a FWB thinking I could change the guy and he would fall madly in love with me. I'm not gonna sit there and worry with every new guy I meet though wondering whether he sees me as relationship material or just some girl he can **** her brains out. What happens...happens. Learn from your mistakes and stop worrying so much about how to figure guys out and what they want. That's my motto at least. In my opinion there is way too much worry going on.

 

The truth is guys know what they want and girls do too. Everything else in between is just a bunch of dramarama and confusion.

 

Anyway, I forgot where I was going with this. I'm not even sure If I'm still on topic here or maybe I never was. The point is don't worry be happy. Don't be afraid of making mistakes. No you can't change guys and guys can't change girls, but why would you want to? There are gonna be guys and girls out there who are just gonna want to bed you and if that's not what you are looking for then well you know what to do. We all make these mistakes though.

[tkgirl]

Everyone makes mistakes. It's a part of being human and a part of life. The key is not to make the same mistakes. You can't learn from mistakes if you don't make them. I don't understand why people are so afraid of making them?

 

Yeah, I was one of those girls who got caught up in a FWB thinking I could change the guy and he would fall madly in love with me. I'm not gonna sit there and worry with every new guy I meet though wondering whether he sees me as relationship material or just some girl he can **** her brains out. What happens...happens. Learn from your mistakes and stop worrying so much about how to figure guys out and what they want. That's my motto at least. In my opinion there is way too much worry going on.

 

The truth is guys know what they want and girls do too. Everything else in between is just a bunch of dramarama and confusion.

 

Anyway, I forgot where I was going with this. I'm not even sure If I'm still on topic here or maybe I never was. The point is don't worry be happy. Don't be afraid of making mistakes. No you can't change guys and guys can't change girls, but why would you want to? There are gonna be guys and girls out there who are just gonna want to bed you and if that's not what you are looking for then well you know what to do. We all make these mistakes though.

 

no, I agree... we can't learn if we don't make mistakes sometimes... and I have no regrets with that certain ex. Sure, I wish I could have not had my heart broken by him... um, twice! but it happened.

and of course I'd rather not worry about things and just go with the flow and have fun... but if I start getting attached to someone who is unsure about me then I will do whatever I can to get un-attached... not see him as much, date other guys or whatever... instead of clinging to some hope that they will change... because most likely they won't.

so I guess my plan is to date smarter now... wish me luck!