tkgirl Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 because I think you do... they say a guy knows within the first 5 minutes of meeting a girl... or maybe it's just a minute? whether or not he wants to just sleep with her, or be friends, or make her his girlfriend... or none of the above! and I think women know this too... but for whatever reasons we refuse to accept it. For instance, we know deep down that the guy may just want sex but somehow we think we can turn it into a relationship. While the guy has already decided what he wants and most likely he is not going to change his mind. I think if we can see how things really are and learn to cut our losses it would save us a lot of heartache down the road... ... or maybe I'm way off... thoughts?
Fouts Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 5 minutes is a bit harsh Usually a time or two together, even if it's a cup of coffee is enough to see if there's something about them.
Author tkgirl Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 5 minutes is a bit harsh Usually a time or two together, even if it's a cup of coffee is enough to see if there's something about them. well, if you are looking for a girlfriend, of course you're going to date her first! but you probably decided this when you first met her... that you want to get to know more about her vs. you just want to get in her pants.. right?
runner Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 5 minutes is too long: i usually know in 1 or 2 if i'd bang her. 5 minutes is too short: it normally takes me at least a few dates if i'd like a relationship with her. ^ your timing is way off from mine
EasyHeart Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 It takes five minutes to decide if we'd ever sleep with you, or if you are in the "just friends" category. But it takes longer to decide if you are a short-term or long-term kind of woman. Or none-of-the-above. You might be very hot, but stupid or bitchy and then I would not even want to sleep with you. You might be too young or too needy or just kind of boring, in which case you go into the short-term category. But deciding whether you have LT term potential can take several weeks or even months. If I find someone who I think might have LT potential, I immediately slow down and tread slowly and carefully. I think that the more a man likes you, the more slowly he'll want to get to know you. Most women seem to think that men who sweep you off your feet or start a whirlwind romance are the guys who are really into you, but that's completely wrong. That's what I do when I know I'll only be around for 2-3 months, so I don't want to waste any time getting to know you the real you. I just want to have fun and bed you down as soon as possible.
Fouts Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 well, if you are looking for a girlfriend, of course you're going to date her first! but you probably decided this when you first met her... that you want to get to know more about her vs. you just want to get in her pants.. right? Well ya, the physical attraction and possibility of wanting to get you naked and perform endless acts of depravity on you occurs within the first few seconds Of course once someone opens their mouth, things can change fast
janie423 Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Well ya, the physical attraction and possibility of wanting to get you naked and perform endless acts of depravity on you occurs within the first few seconds Of course once someone opens their mouth, things can change fast love this post!
Author tkgirl Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 (edited) Well ya, the physical attraction and possibility of wanting to get you naked and perform endless acts of depravity on you occurs within the first few seconds Of course once someone opens their mouth, things can change fast that's what I'm talking about! I guess I should have said a guy knows pretty quickly if he wants to pursue this new girl... to really get to know her more rather than just see if he can get some. I'm just sort of sick reading all these whiny threads about "does he just want an FWB with me?" or whatever.. chances are that's all he wanted from the get-go and if he's not treating you the way you want then it's time to walk... you know, IMHO! Edited April 25, 2010 by tkgirl
xRJ85x Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 because I think you do... they say a guy knows within the first 5 minutes of meeting a girl... or maybe it's just a minute? whether or not he wants to just sleep with her, or be friends, or make her his girlfriend... or none of the above! and I think women know this too... but for whatever reasons we refuse to accept it. For instance, we know deep down that the guy may just want sex but somehow we think we can turn it into a relationship. While the guy has already decided what he wants and most likely he is not going to change his mind. I think if we can see how things really are and learn to cut our losses it would save us a lot of heartache down the road... ... or maybe I'm way off... thoughts? Well...they say that about girls too! haha I don't think its true, I mean, look at the situation you and I had been discussing: falling in love with friends. I've seen people go after others they were friends with in the past, fell out of touch, then got together with later. I've seen people (and personally experienced) only wanting sex first, then falling for that person later. I think the whole "You know within the first 5 minutes of meeting them" thing stems from the fact that most people falsely draw clear, solid lines between the different relationships of people. For example, you're either an acquaintance, a casual friend, a close friend, or a bf/gf. They don't look at what is almost an infinite amount of shades of grey between people. The endless possibilities of the way things change every second determines where everyone is in relation with each other. Bottom line is, your feelings about someone can change in a heartbeat. Which is why I always cling to so much hope in each situation.
Author tkgirl Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 Well...they say that about girls too! haha I don't think its true, I mean, look at the situation you and I had been discussing: falling in love with friends. I've seen people go after others they were friends with in the past, fell out of touch, then got together with later. I've seen people (and personally experienced) only wanting sex first, then falling for that person later. I think the whole "You know within the first 5 minutes of meeting them" thing stems from the fact that most people falsely draw clear, solid lines between the different relationships of people. For example, you're either an acquaintance, a casual friend, a close friend, or a bf/gf. They don't look at what is almost an infinite amount of shades of grey between people. The endless possibilities of the way things change every second determines where everyone is in relation with each other. Bottom line is, your feelings about someone can change in a heartbeat. Which is why I always cling to so much hope in each situation. clinging to hope is what gets us in trouble though! if we could just see things how they really are instead of hoping they will change it would be much easier... I hope you are feeling better about your situation though X
xRJ85x Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 clinging to hope is what gets us in trouble though! if we could just see things how they really are instead of hoping they will change it would be much easier... I hope you are feeling better about your situation though X I know, and that's the burden that comes along with being a very caring person who enjoys time with others. As I said in http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=229429&page=2, I could simply be like the OP, a very independent person who doesn't mind who comes and goes. But I'm the opposite. And I don't mean to say that implying the OP is a bad, non-caring person because I'm sure he does care about people. But I don't believe in fate when it comes to love, or at least the definition people give it that the right person right for you will fall into your lap. Because the truth is, you could have found a person that is everything you ever wanted in another person. But if something goes wrong (timing, an inexperienced mistake you made, etc), you're screwed and you have to move on knowing that you're chances of finding another person like that are infinitesimal. So that's why people like me have such an near-impossible time letting go of someone, and why we cling to hope. This is all why I wish everyone thought this way (John Lennon had it right! All you need is love!) But unfortunately as you said, hope is weak a lot of times because there are very independent people out there. BTW Sorry, I didn't mean for my situation to seem like a thread hijack, I was just using it as an example. But thanks for the concern again, I'm doing a little better since I'm trying to focus on other girls haha.
Author tkgirl Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 (edited) sorry X... you lost me... but yeah, your situation is so not what I'm talking about in this thread. It was about all these ambiguous FWB "relationships" that some girls find themselves in. and I don't think hope is weak... we always have to have some kind of hope... but when you are wanting more from someone and hoping they will suddenly change their mind about you, it's pretty much a waste of time... their mind has already been made up a long time ago. So sometimes you just have to cut your losses and move on and try to find someone that wants the same thing as you... Edited April 25, 2010 by tkgirl
skydiveaddict Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 I can tell right away if I'm attracted to some one. But I dont do the FWB thing. If I like a girl I always try for a relationship. The sex part will come about naturally
Author tkgirl Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 I can tell right away if I'm attracted to some one. But I dont do the FWB thing. If I like a girl I always try for a relationship. The sex part will come about naturally that's refreshing to hear! I like when a guy knows what he wants... and the point of my thread was I really do think ALL guys know what they want... but some girls like to make excuses for them and go "oh, he's confused, he doesn't know what he wants... so maybe he'll change his mind about me" I know I've been that girl before and it was a mistake. A guy I dated suddenly dumped me out of the blue.. said he didn't feel "that connection" with me. i.e. he didn't see me as girlfriend material... his loss! so when he came back around and wanted to try again I thought maybe he changed his mind... turns out I should have believed him the first time around!
skydiveaddict Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Trying for sex on a first date just shows a lack of self-discipline and respect for the girl. I dont think any girl should put up w/this. It just shows you that this guy is not a real man and is unable to control himself.
xRJ85x Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 sorry X... you lost me... but yeah, your situation is so not what I'm talking about in this thread. It was about all these ambiguous FWB "relationships" that some girls find themselves in. and I don't think hope is weak... we always have to have some kind of hope... but when you are wanting more from someone and hoping they will suddenly change their mind about you, it's pretty much a waste of time... their mind has already been made up a long time ago. So sometimes you just have to cut your losses and move on and try to find someone that wants the same thing as you... No, I know what you're talking about. I meant my situation as support for what I was saying. I went 2 years thinking "You know...This girls cute and all, but I really just think of her as a little sister." Point being that within the first 5 minutes, she was just an acquaintance that turned into a friend. I also mentioned I was on the short end of a FWB relationship. I thought I just wanted a one night stand with her, but then we started talking as friends. We kept sleeping together but kept getting closer, and I eventually got attached because she was very much the girl I was looking for. So my point with these two scenarios I've been in, I can tell you guys may think they know what they want in the first 5 minutes, but they have absolutely NO idea. It works the other way too. Guys think they want to try and develop a relationship with a girl, but then they discover they just don't care. And that is where the girl ends up getting hurt.
You'reasian Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 because I think you do... they say a guy knows within the first 5 minutes of meeting a girl... or maybe it's just a minute? whether or not he wants to just sleep with her, or be friends, or make her his girlfriend... or none of the above! and I think women know this too... but for whatever reasons we refuse to accept it. For instance, we know deep down that the guy may just want sex but somehow we think we can turn it into a relationship. While the guy has already decided what he wants and most likely he is not going to change his mind. I think if we can see how things really are and learn to cut our losses it would save us a lot of heartache down the road... ... or maybe I'm way off... thoughts? It takes two to tango and a guy is certainly an important part of that because he is the initiator almost all the time but the buck doesn't stop with him. What does the woman say she wants and does that match with what she does to get this?
Author tkgirl Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 No, I know what you're talking about. I meant my situation as support for what I was saying. I went 2 years thinking "You know...This girls cute and all, but I really just think of her as a little sister." Point being that within the first 5 minutes, she was just an acquaintance that turned into a friend. I also mentioned I was on the short end of a FWB relationship. I thought I just wanted a one night stand with her, but then we started talking as friends. We kept sleeping together but kept getting closer, and I eventually got attached because she was very much the girl I was looking for. So my point with these two scenarios I've been in, I can tell you guys may think they know what they want in the first 5 minutes, but they have absolutely NO idea. It works the other way too. Guys think they want to try and develop a relationship with a girl, but then they discover they just don't care. And that is where the girl ends up getting hurt. of course, when two people's lives get more entangled things can get really skewed after a while... I guess I'm talking about when two people meet for the first time... like in a dating situation, met online or what have you...
Author tkgirl Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 It takes two to tango and a guy is certainly an important part of that because he is the initiator almost all the time but the buck doesn't stop with him. What does the woman say she wants and does that match with what she does to get this? yep... it's all about knowing what you want and then being able to convey that to the other person... if everyone could be honest from the start it would make dating a whole lot easier! we all know this isn't the case though...
BlueHarvest Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Trying for sex on a first date just shows a lack of self-discipline and respect for the girl. I dont think any girl should put up w/this. It just shows you that this guy is not a real man and is unable to control himself. QFT. Personally, I've found myself in such a different dynamic of relationships that the only way I know what I want is usually long past when it's available. For the most part I approach girls all the same, within 5 minutes I know if I would want to date her, friend her, or smile and move on. That being said, I've met girls who I thought I wanted to date, and after getting to know them I think they were completely awful. Vice-versa for the friend-girls. I've met girls who I intended only to be friends with, to become very attractive to me because of their qualities and interests. There is no rhyme or reason, it just boils down to what feels right in each situation.
You'reasian Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 yep... it's all about knowing what you want and then being able to convey that to the other person... if everyone could be honest from the start it would make dating a whole lot easier! we all know this isn't the case though... Valid point but this will never happen because no two people are always on the same sheet of music. Some are on the recovery from former relationships, others are on a mission to be in a relationship and some just out for fun. Whatever happened to enjoying the moment and being yourself? I've heard this from alot of woman in the dating realm and I find this to be an excellent starting point for dating. Allows for flexibility too.
Author tkgirl Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 Valid point but this will never happen because no two people are always on the same sheet of music. Some are on the recovery from former relationships, others are on a mission to be in a relationship and some just out for fun. Whatever happened to enjoying the moment and being yourself? I've heard this from alot of woman in the dating realm and I find this to be an excellent starting point for dating. Allows for flexibility too. that's the approach I try to have.. but I've learned that I also have my guard up somewhat... I don't like feeling that way though. For instance, the situation with "that guy"... I was just being myself and having fun.. things we're good and he told me he thought I was "great". And by the third date we got more physical but he was also very respectful and didn't push me to sleep with him. We dated a while longer, still didn't have sex.. and not because I didn't want to... he was the one that wanted to wait. Then what seemed like out of the blue he ended it.. I wasn't what he was looking for I guess... or he just wasn't ready... or whatever. The reason really doesn't matter now and my point is, if he had been more honest... with himself.. things never would have gotten as far as they did.
You'reasian Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 that's the approach I try to have.. but I've learned that I also have my guard up somewhat... I don't like feeling that way though. For instance, the situation with "that guy"... I was just being myself and having fun.. things we're good and he told me he thought I was "great". And by the third date we got more physical but he was also very respectful and didn't push me to sleep with him. We dated a while longer, still didn't have sex.. and not because I didn't want to... he was the one that wanted to wait. Then what seemed like out of the blue he ended it.. I wasn't what he was looking for I guess... or he just wasn't ready... or whatever. The reason really doesn't matter now and my point is, if he had been more honest... with himself.. things never would have gotten as far as they did. Dating doesn't last forever, tkgirl.
Author tkgirl Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 Dating doesn't last forever' date=' tkgirl.[/quote'] really? because it seems like I've been doing it forever and I'd be so happy to find that one guy to be with so I wouldn't have to date anymore!
You'reasian Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 really? because it seems like I've been doing it forever and I'd be so happy to find that one guy to be with so I wouldn't have to date anymore! Cyndi Lauper tells us that girls just wanna have fun. Can't go wrong when remembering that theme...see, we guys DO listen!
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