Least attractive trait in women, in my experience

[Els]

"you're not my whole world but you're the best part of it"

 

is a good way to look at a relationship with a SO

 

I would love to be able to practice this perfectly, and would love to have an SO who does.

 

Sadly, from my observation/experience, most people tend to swing towards one side or another, as opposed to attaining the perfect balance. Part of being human, I guess.

[BlueHarvest]

My EX suffered from this and it was no end of frustration to me. If you're a women and you've ever thought to yourself 'he's all I want out of life' STOP IT. I don't want to be all you want, go out get other friends, go find a career you enjoy, get hobbies, get involved with clubs, just have some aspirations that don't involve me.

 

Nothing is more attractive to me than a women who has distinct set goals in life and strives hard to achieve them and doesn't let me get in the way of that. Of course I have the same goals and feel the same way so it might be hard to get the goals to mesh together well but that's besides the point!

 

Strong ambitious women=super sexy

 

weak willed needy women=leave me be

 

Probably the same reason 'nice guys' lose eh?

 

 

Haha, this makes me laugh. So a girl who think that your grade A, top notch, 'all-that-and-a-bag-of-chips', what have you..is something you hate to see in women huh?

 

I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.

 

There's another saying which I can't find. It goes something along the lines of "That which we hate in others, we hate in ourselves".

 

Write that down

[Ariadne]

go out get other friends

go find a career you enjoy

get hobbies

get involved with clubs

have some aspirations that don't involve me

 

Basically, leave me alone.

 

This seems to be a really good deal for the guys for some reason.

 

I hate all that stuff: I don't have hobbies (they suck imo), I hate "careers" (I don't want to work), I don't have RL friends (can't get bothered and boring), and I hate clubs (what for). Aspirations: only to relax.

 

I remember DG (my love object) said that he could not see himself with someone that didn't "have a job" or aspirations, when himself didn't work, but wanted a woman that would get up in the morning in the snow and go spend all day at work. (She'd like that).

 

It seems men just don't want to be troubled.

[Rorschach]

Yes, that's true. I do recall you saying that your major problem with your ex was her lack of physical attractiveness, though?

 

I'm not so shallow as to break up with somebody over looks, no she did not physically excite me, but I had a number of other more prevalent reasons to break up.

 

And I don't mean I don't want the woman to be into me, for instance I'm extremely motivated and goal orientated but I NEED somebody by my side as well, hell thats one of my goals, but what I need by my side is somebody who is like I am, strongly driven and motivated, not a hanger on.

 

My EX wanted to be around me ALL the time, there were points where I would just make up an excuse to go to the library or something just to get some alone time and she would insist she came too, and if I tried to stop her she would get her feelings hurt and pout for the next 3 days! Drove me crazy, get something to do other than be around me 100% of the time! (hell even 90% of the time is okay, I LOVE being around the woman I love, but I need some time to myself too)

 

Oh and Ariadne, while you are not really correct in your assumptions of my motives or wants out of a relationship, but you're are totally right about one thing, you are exactly the type of person I'm trying to avoid. Main aspiration in life to laze around all day? no thanks.

[Ariadne]

you are exactly the type of person I'm trying to avoid. Main aspiration in life to laze around all day? no thanks.

 

Well, I just like to hang in the house and read and surf the net and do domestic chores, even gardening.

 

Sorry! I don't like to "go out and do other stuff."

 

(But I think if I didn't have to worry about money I'd volunteer though).

[sagetalk]

 

Nothing is more attractive to me than a women who has distinct set goals in life and strives hard to achieve them and doesn't let me get in the way of that.

 

I pursued a girl like that, but there is one big problem. With these type of girls, other guys tend to pop into the picture often and then she's got you in a tough place. With the other type, there is rarely another guy.

 

I do like women as you described, the fact they let other guys in to compete is really lame and will wear you down. At least with the other type, you know she's only interested in you. I agree that it too can be draining though.

 

My ideal women is one you described that only goes after one guy at a time. I've never met one.

[RobM]

Well, I just like to hang in the house and read and surf the net and do domestic chores, even gardening.

 

Sorry! I don't like to "go out and do other stuff."

 

(But I think if I didn't have to worry about money I'd volunteer though).

 

I'm trying to decide if you're serious or just sarcastic. If you're serious what exactly do you see yourself bringing to the relationship what would attract a guy?

[Chicago_Guy]

My EX suffered from this and it was no end of frustration to me. If you're a women and you've ever thought to yourself 'he's all I want out of life' STOP IT. I don't want to be all you want, go out get other friends, go find a career you enjoy, get hobbies, get involved with clubs, just have some aspirations that don't involve me.

 

Nothing is more attractive to me than a women who has distinct set goals in life and strives hard to achieve them and doesn't let me get in the way of that. Of course I have the same goals and feel the same way so it might be hard to get the goals to mesh together well but that's besides the point!

 

Strong ambitious women=super sexy

 

weak willed needy women=leave me be

 

Probably the same reason 'nice guys' lose eh?

 

I disagree. In my opinion, the least attractive trait is narcissism. A woman who is seemingly in love with herself and is very selfish could never love anyone else (including children if she ever has them) as much as she loves herself. That is a huge turnoff and I have encountered several women like this over the past couple years.

[Ariadne]

I'm trying to decide if you're serious or just sarcastic. If you're serious what exactly do you see yourself bringing to the relationship what would attract a guy?

 

Oh, just my company. That should be enough.

[RobM]

Good luck with that, let us know how it goes.

[Skump]

achieve them and doesn't let me get in the way of that.

 

Uh, I would never cleave myself to a person who had no independent identity, dreams or ambitions for realizing them, but with that said...

 

...someone with the attitude evidenced in that sentence can f*ck right off. Seriously, "doesn't let [their spouse/partner] get in the way of [her goals]?" What if your spouse becomes critically ill or depressed? What is he, a lump of dead weight? I think this person's philosophy can be distilled: Seig heil!

 

I have some news for you. Your career? Dust in the wind my friend. If you're not an Einstein or George Washington, your meaningless little career might as well have not existed. And even then, time will ablate away all the accomplishments of all the great men. A million years from now the disembodied cyberbrains descended from humanity won't give two frank f*cks who George Washington was.

 

Your relationships with your loved ones ought to be really damn important to you. Everything else? It's mostly abstractions, and sacrificing connections with people to ruthlessly pursue those goals is mostly worship of false idols.

 

Here's a homework assignment: Go watch the Devil Wears Prada and you'll see the personification of the sentiment in your sentence. She's a sad human being.

[kdark]

Uh, I would never cleave myself to a person who had no independent identity, dreams or ambitions for realizing them, but with that said...

 

...someone with the attitude evidenced in that sentence can f*ck right off. Seriously, "doesn't let [their spouse/partner] get in the way of [her goals]?" What if your spouse becomes critically ill or depressed? What is he, a lump of dead weight? I think this person's philosophy can be distilled: Seig heil!

 

I have some news for you. Your career? Dust in the wind my friend. If you're not an Einstein or George Washington, your meaningless little career might as well have not existed. And even then, time will ablate away all the accomplishments of all the great men. A million years from now the disembodied cyberbrains descended from humanity won't give two frank f*cks who George Washington was.

 

Your relationships with your loved ones ought to be really damn important to you. Everything else? It's mostly abstractions, and sacrificing connections with people to ruthlessly pursue those goals is mostly worship of false idols.

 

Here's a homework assignment: Go watch the Devil Wears Prada and you'll see the personification of the sentiment in your sentence. She's a sad human being.

 

Boy, you sure do have everything figured out.

 

Too bad not everyone is like you.

[Ariadne]

Good luck with that, let us know how it goes.

 

Thanks!

 

(Oh, and they'll get no love either, just a little caring and sex if they want).

[Els]

Uh, I would never cleave myself to a person who had no independent identity, dreams or ambitions for realizing them, but with that said...

 

...someone with the attitude evidenced in that sentence can f*ck right off. Seriously, "doesn't let [their spouse/partner] get in the way of [her goals]?" What if your spouse becomes critically ill or depressed? What is he, a lump of dead weight? I think this person's philosophy can be distilled: Seig heil!

 

I have some news for you. Your career? Dust in the wind my friend. If you're not an Einstein or George Washington, your meaningless little career might as well have not existed. And even then, time will ablate away all the accomplishments of all the great men. A million years from now the disembodied cyberbrains descended from humanity won't give two frank f*cks who George Washington was.

 

Your relationships with your loved ones ought to be really damn important to you. Everything else? It's mostly abstractions, and sacrificing connections with people to ruthlessly pursue those goals is mostly worship of false idols.

 

Here's a homework assignment: Go watch the Devil Wears Prada and you'll see the personification of the sentiment in your sentence. She's a sad human being.

 

This was the point I was trying to make. Thank you for wording it in a much better manner.

 

Sarcasms aside, I believe there are actually quite a few men who would be happy to have Ariadne as a wife - a woman willing to sit at home all day, take care of the kids, do all the chores, etc. Could ask our dear calizaggy himself if you'd like.

[and.then.some]

I don't think your post is applicable to the OP - you can stay at home and rear young children and still have separate interests and a life beyond your family and spouse.

 

Since I had my son almost 2 years ago I have seen women who never really had lives outside of their partners - then they get pregnant, stay at home with the kid - and become completely INSANE AND CRAZED because they are isolated, they are obsessed with their spouse, and they have no other interests in life.

 

I think that's what the OP was saying - you have to have your own life.

 

I had the opposite problem - jealous controlling partner who did not seem to be capable of allowing me to have my own life, friends, career, ambitions.

 

He was also only supportive of certain hobbies. Roller derby? No. Cooking, knitting, cleaning, sewing, cloth diapering, gardening? Yes.

 

LOL I'm pretty sure that I stated in my post that there is a point at which neediness can become too much to handle. I've experienced the overly controlling, and know what it's like.

 

My point was only that some men *say* that they want a woman to have certain things going in her life, and, yet, expect her to drop them all to give birth to and raise a family. (I've experienced that as well.)

 

I totally agree that there are men and women who will go to extremes on either side. Yet, overwhelmingly, in my personal experiences, men who are attracted to my passion desire only to subdue it.

 

I just happen to think there's a middle ground in there somewhere. However, I totally agree when it comes to the overly needy. Yet, the truth is simply that some people need to be on the go while others would rather be at home. One isn't more right than the other. They're just two different personality types...

[carhill]

The least attractive traits are a lack of acountability and a general dislike of men. Most of the problems men face in relationships stem from those two issues.

My stbx apologized to me once in our marriage and that was in MC. Once in ten years.

 

Looking back over 30+ years of interactions with women, I would say inability and/or unwillingness to accept responsibility is one of the most clearly noticeable points of an unattractive 'trait' as I've ever experienced. I overlooked a lot before; now I just cut them loose, whether as a friend or romantic potential, when I get a whiff of that dynamic, even if it doesn't involve myself. Life is far too short

[Els]

LOL I'm pretty sure that I stated in my post that there is a point at which neediness can become too much to handle. I've experienced the overly controlling, and know what it's like.

 

My point was only that some men *say* that they want a woman to have certain things going in her life, and, yet, expect her to drop them all to give birth to and raise a family. (I've experienced that as well.)

 

Yes, I totally agree that many men seem to have a total 'I want my cake and I want to eat it too... repeatedly!' attitude with regards to relationships. Some want a woman who hasn't had many previous sexual partners but suddenly turns into a wild sex kitten with THEM, bedding them on the third date and doing the sorts of sexual acts that would make porn actresses blush. Some want a woman who 'treats a man like a man', is willing to cook and dress up for them, but who also goes dutch for all dates including the first. And some want a woman who is all feminine and girly-girl and delicate and demure, but then complain that she doesn't share any of his boyish hobbies such as sports and video games.

 

And then they say women are irrational because we supposedly 'want a bad boy who'll reform just for us and treat us especially nice'.

[Woggle]

There are is a happy medium between stepford wofe with no life of her own and a ballbusting careerist who puts her career before anything and that is what I find most attractive. I believe that in general the people you care about come before ay materaial stuff and that includes friends, family and spouse. I would want a woman that feels the same way but I also want one that can earn her own way in this world.

[Rorschach]

I want somebody who is serious about her goals even if her goals aren't a career. I think people are focusing alot on the career line but I mean people who have goals in general, is your goal to have a strong social life? to go out with friends, and live a rich full life? Great go do that. Is your goal to be a wonderful mother? Great go do that. The biggest thing is my perfect woman would have to have some form of goal and some form of independence.

 

As for why I feel the way I do about career women, well, I own a business. My business is a very large part of my life, I have a set business plan in place that I'm taking on to make my business a million dollar a year business. At least 100k a month, not just for me but a business that I could teach my children to run, effectively setting up the next few generations (before they turn into idiots and run it into the ground) of my family to be financially secure. So if a woman came up to me and said 'it's me or the business' its the equivalent of saying 'it's me or your children, your grand children, THEIR children and grandchildren' to which I respond 'there's the door', because of that I think it's only fair that a woman can feel the same way.

 

I don't ever see that conversation coming up anyway (I make about 50k a year right now so it's 'okay' money), I think most women wouldn't have a problem with their guy working 70-80 hour work weeks when he's pulling in 100k a month, but if it ever did come up no matter how much I loved the other person I simply cannot go back to working a regular job for somebody else at 15 dollars an hour.

 

My father, who has been pioneering the business since he was 27 feels the same way and has said before that back when he was 30, and was making less than 10k a year working the business if my mother had ever said 'okay you have to stop doing this' that probably would have been the end of the marriage, and he had kids. He was so sure of his career in business that he could not give it up, four years ago he was making 80-90k a year, today he makes 400k a year and is teaching me to run my own business.

 

I hope that better explains my feelings about the career part of things, but I just want to state again that it's not all about careers but just about goals and aspirations and independence in life.

[Jersey Shortie]

While I agree that neediness can be unattractive and that it's healthy for women to have their own interests seperate from her romantic relationship, women basically judge the quality of their life based on the strength and quality of their relationships. Romantic and otherwise. We also might have career goals that add to our live, but ultimately, we want to forge strong meaningful relationships because most of us believe that's what life is about. So when women focus on their relationships and making other's happy, it doesn't mean she doesn't have other goals. Even the goal to be married and start a family doesn't mean she is needy alone.

 

Just wanted to add that.

[Ilovehim]

I completely agree with you. However, loving you and having you be a big part of your life is very important. A woman who has career goals, ambitions, hobbies and a life of her own is a good thing. But doesn't EVERYONE have that? I have hardly met anyone who cared ONLY about thier boyfriends/girlfriend. That is very rare I would think. I feel as though EVERYONE has goals, ambitions, plans and a life that doesn't invlove their partner but still finds the time for their partner. I would have to say that personally, I love my family, my few friends, I'm in school, have a lot of goals for myself but I still care about my boyfriend alot and he is very important to me. I care about my happiness but I also care about his. I wont let anyone step over me but I also wont be completely selfish as to not sacrifice for my significant other. I appreciate my me time and allow him to have his alone time as well, and i also love and enjoy every second i spend with him. Doesn't every man want a woman who is beautiful inside out, has her own career and is ambitious but at the same time cares about his needs and isnt all "ME ME ME"? Can you explain further, what do you exactly mean by this post?

[Rorschach]

I completely agree with you. However, loving you and having you be a big part of your life is very important. A woman who has career goals, ambitions, hobbies and a life of her own is a good thing. But doesn't EVERYONE have that? I have hardly met anyone who cared ONLY about thier boyfriends/girlfriend. That is very rare I would think. I feel as though EVERYONE has goals, ambitions, plans and a life that doesn't invlove their partner but still finds the time for their partner. I would have to say that personally, I love my family, my few friends, I'm in school, have a lot of goals for myself but I still care about my boyfriend alot and he is very important to me. I care about my happiness but I also care about his. I wont let anyone step over me but I also wont be completely selfish as to not sacrifice for my significant other. I appreciate my me time and allow him to have his alone time as well, and i also love and enjoy every second i spend with him. Doesn't every man want a woman who is beautiful inside out, has her own career and is ambitious but at the same time cares about his needs and isnt all "ME ME ME"? Can you explain further, what do you exactly mean by this post?

 

If your post is accurate about how rare it is that people are so needy that great, thats good news for me. My ex was needy to the extreme, I literally could not get away from her even when I tried. That is the most unattractive trait ever, I couldn't stand it, it basically killed the relationship.

[and.then.some]

There are is a happy medium between stepford wofe with no life of her own and a ballbusting careerist who puts her career before anything and that is what I find most attractive. I believe that in general the people you care about come before ay materaial stuff and that includes friends, family and spouse. I would want a woman that feels the same way but I also want one that can earn her own way in this world.

 

I didn't mean to imply that you're looking for the woman in super drive. My only point was that, the more capable of ... earning her own way, the tighter she will hold on to it. (The more freedom and control she's used to having.) Most of the SAHM's around here did not complete college, for example. The women I know who have completed college (especially advanced degrees), are the ones holding off parenthood or even marriage for as long as possible. This might be great for you! I don't know you, so I can't say. I only mentioned it because I think it's something to keep in mind.