Rorschach Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 My EX suffered from this and it was no end of frustration to me. If you're a women and you've ever thought to yourself 'he's all I want out of life' STOP IT. I don't want to be all you want, go out get other friends, go find a career you enjoy, get hobbies, get involved with clubs, just have some aspirations that don't involve me. Nothing is more attractive to me than a women who has distinct set goals in life and strives hard to achieve them and doesn't let me get in the way of that. Of course I have the same goals and feel the same way so it might be hard to get the goals to mesh together well but that's besides the point! Strong ambitious women=super sexy weak willed needy women=leave me be Probably the same reason 'nice guys' lose eh?
Els Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Nothing is more attractive to me than a women who has distinct set goals in life and strives hard to achieve them and doesn't let me get in the way of that. Are you SURE about this part? What if she decided to embark on a challenging new part of her career, and thus decides to break up with you because you would be a distraction and she wouldn't have any time for you? Would you still consider that attractive? And if you do, don't you think that's a self-destructive trait to choose in relationship partners?
RobM Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Are you SURE about this part? What if she decided to embark on a challenging new part of her career, and thus decides to break up with you because you would be a distraction and she wouldn't have any time for you? Would you still consider that attractive? And if you do, don't you think that's a self-destructive trait to choose in relationship partners? Maybe not taken to the extreme of dumping me, but I agree, yes. I wouldn't want someone who only goal is to make me happy, I know that sounds odd but she needs her own life, her own goals, her own interests.
Els Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 I agree with the rest of the OP's post. Just thought that part was a little curious and paradoxical.
Woggle Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 The least attractive traits are a lack of acountability and a general dislike of men. Most of the problems men face in relationships stem from those two issues.
shadowplay Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 While neediness is always a turn off, there are far worse traits women can have (infidelity, bitchiness, etc.).
Author Rorschach Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 Are you SURE about this part? What if she decided to embark on a challenging new part of her career, and thus decides to break up with you because you would be a distraction and she wouldn't have any time for you? Would you still consider that attractive? And if you do, don't you think that's a self-destructive trait to choose in relationship partners? eh, if she doesn't want me than I'm pretty good at severing emotional attachment anyway. But yeah I'm much more interested in strong driven women than not.
Els Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 But then would it not serve you better, relationship-wise, to choose a woman who is between the extremes - has her own life, hobbies, and dreams, but wouldn't throw you aside if you happened to 'get in the way'?
Author Rorschach Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 But then would it not serve you better, relationship-wise, to choose a woman who is between the extremes - has her own life, hobbies, and dreams, but wouldn't throw you aside if you happened to 'get in the way'? It could just be me bounding back from the other extreme with my last GF, but I honestly wouldn't mind being tossed aside if it was honestly necessary, I don't want to be the 'oh I was going to do something great in my life, but I met him and plans changed, now I'm a little bitter' person.
janie423 Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 eh, if she doesn't want me than I'm pretty good at severing emotional attachment anyway. But yeah I'm much more interested in strong driven women than not. happy to hear that, you are in the minority . . . most men I meet are intimidated by a women driven by her career choice (hope I didn't open the can with that statement!)
Els Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Yes, that's true. I do recall you saying that your major problem with your ex was her lack of physical attractiveness, though?
TouchedByViolet Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 I think it is all about balance. As a guy it makes me feel good knowing a girl thinks about me, appreciates me, and considers me important in her life. At the same time, she should strive for her own personal goals and desires; a career, hobbies, interests etc...
blind_otter Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 My EX suffered from this and it was no end of frustration to me. If you're a women and you've ever thought to yourself 'he's all I want out of life' STOP IT. I don't want to be all you want, go out get other friends, go find a career you enjoy, get hobbies, get involved with clubs, just have some aspirations that don't involve me. There is nothing more draining in this earth than having to supply the self esteem and joie de vivre for two separate people. I've been in more than one relationship where the man depended on me for his self esteem. It sucked the life out of me. I'm surprised there's anything left. But it always regenerates after I discontinue my association. The older I get, the longer the regeneration process takes, though. I'm too jaded to fall head over heels anymore...
marlena Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 There is nothing more draining in this earth than having to supply the self esteem and joie de vivre for two separate people. Absolutely. And nothing more rewarding than being in a relationship where both partners generate ther own self-worth and joie de vivre. It's rare but I have seen it. I once dated a guy and the reason why the relationship never got off the ground is because he depressed me to no end. I had to leave. There was little I could do because by nature I think he was prone to this type of attitude towards life. Besides, I did not want to carry the burden of his depression. I needed someone to lift me up and not drag me down. So, yes, I would list this as a very unattractive trait along with boring, snarkiness, stupidity, grouching, cheapness, lack of humour, egotism and other such unpleasant, to put it mildly, qualities. The older I get, the longer the regeneration process takes, though. I'm too jaded to fall head over heels anymore... I know how that feels, too. But you just can't ever know what's around the corner.
RobM Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Both sides have to give some, both sides have to get some. Both sides have to compromise, get their most important needs met. And nation health care... oops, wrong thread.
xRJ85x Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 eh, if she doesn't want me than I'm pretty good at severing emotional attachment anyway. But yeah I'm much more interested in strong driven women than not. That's exactly why you feel that way. You're very independent. Some people get more attached and need others, so they'll be willing to compromise with someone. I'm the opposite way, I'd much rather be poor and enjoy life with others and have love than rich and enjoy life by myself without anyone.
marlena Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 And nation health care... oops, wrong thread. ......:laugh::laugh:
and.then.some Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 There are a lot of men out there who want a woman who isn't too ambitious. I think the best advice to the women of the world would be to simply be ourselves. I agree that there is a point that a person can be so needy that it's draining. However, when it comes to having her own goals and ambitions, I know a lot of guys who ask "Are you willing to drop all of your life's work to have and rear my kids?" There are women in the world who are so ambitious that career will always come first. There are others who are less ambitious about career and do feel that future family is more important. A guy can't say he wants a woman who is always on her A game career and money wise, but is willing to throw it all away for him. Well, he could say it... but it wouldn't happen. Whatever floats your boat.
blind_otter Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 There are a lot of men out there who want a woman who isn't too ambitious. I think the best advice to the women of the world would be to simply be ourselves. I agree that there is a point that a person can be so needy that it's draining. However, when it comes to having her own goals and ambitions, I know a lot of guys who ask "Are you willing to drop all of your life's work to have and rear my kids?" There are women in the world who are so ambitious that career will always come first. There are others who are less ambitious about career and do feel that future family is more important. I don't think your post is applicable to the OP - you can stay at home and rear young children and still have separate interests and a life beyond your family and spouse. Since I had my son almost 2 years ago I have seen women who never really had lives outside of their partners - then they get pregnant, stay at home with the kid - and become completely INSANE AND CRAZED because they are isolated, they are obsessed with their spouse, and they have no other interests in life. I think that's what the OP was saying - you have to have your own life. I had the opposite problem - jealous controlling partner who did not seem to be capable of allowing me to have my own life, friends, career, ambitions. He was also only supportive of certain hobbies. Roller derby? No. Cooking, knitting, cleaning, sewing, cloth diapering, gardening? Yes.
Els Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 BO, the OP wants an extremely goal and career-driven woman, to the point where 'she wouldn't let him get in her way of achieving them'. It would indeed stand to reason that such a woman, while being immensely independent of her man, would not want to give all of that up for family. While he's certainly entitled to his own preferences, I agree with and.then.some - can't have your cake and eat it too.
xRJ85x Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 BO, the OP wants an extremely goal and career-driven woman, to the point where 'she wouldn't let him get in her way of achieving them'. It would indeed stand to reason that such a woman, while being immensely independent of her man, would not want to give all of that up for family. While he's certainly entitled to his own preferences, I agree with and.then.some - can't have your cake and eat it too. Yea, this is goes along with my point of view too. This is how a lot of people like the OP, when they've accomplished what they set out to do, are left at the end alone thinking "Now what?" If you have no one to spend that enjoyment with, then what's the point? Maybe it's just the id of the person, but as said earlier I wouldn't want to go through life technically alone, wandering through people. Now there's obviously a way you can be very independent and have a relationship, but I'd like to have those people sit down with a clear mind focused on that and ask them "Are you really happy with this person?" Because of the standard they've set so high on themselves, the chance of finding then working towards someone special is inversely proportionate.
blind_otter Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 My EX suffered from this and it was no end of frustration to me. If you're a women and you've ever thought to yourself 'he's all I want out of life' STOP IT. I don't want to be all you want, go out get other friends, go find a career you enjoy, get hobbies, get involved with clubs, just have some aspirations that don't involve me. Nothing is more attractive to me than a women who has distinct set goals in life and strives hard to achieve them and doesn't let me get in the way of that. Of course I have the same goals and feel the same way so it might be hard to get the goals to mesh together well but that's besides the point! Strong ambitious women=super sexy weak willed needy women=leave me be Probably the same reason 'nice guys' lose eh? Sorry I didn't see anything about career driven in this post.
blind_otter Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 BO, the OP wants an extremely goal and career-driven woman, to the point where 'she wouldn't let him get in her way of achieving them'. It would indeed stand to reason that such a woman, while being immensely independent of her man, would not want to give all of that up for family. While he's certainly entitled to his own preferences, I agree with and.then.some - can't have your cake and eat it too. I don't really follow this logic. My mother, for example - very ambitious. No one can stand in her way. She sets goals for herself and achieves them. She also raised 3 children. She is extremely independent. Dad died 3 years ago she still takes care of a huge house, does all the yard work, helps me with my pool, takes care of grandkids. She has been pounding into my head "You don't need a man, you must be able to take care of yourself and support yourself and your son." You don't have to give up your career to have children!!! There are all sorts of options nowadays. In my personal experience it is essential and vital for a mother to have a life beyond her husband and children - if you do not, your marriage will end, or your children will hate you, or god forbid - both.
Els Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 It is indeed vital for a mother to practice moderation - to not only live for her family, but also to not abandon them. Honestly, when OP mentioned 'goals', I believe 'raising kids' wasn't one of the primary ones he had in mind. Might have to ask him to clarify, but I doubt it. Point being, that he wants a woman who won't let anything get in the way of achieving her goals. What IF the woman's goals were indeed career-based, as many people's are? And she considers a relationship and children as 'in her way' of achieving them? Yes, I know you don't consider them as such, but many women do. In that case, a woman who wouldn't let anything stand in her path, would choose her career over him, and over having a family.
Romance Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 "you're not my whole world but you're the best part of it" is a good way to look at a relationship with a SO
Recommended Posts