NickBarritt Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Well first off, I'm going to prepare a little background info about myself. 9 Months ago I split up from my ex, mainly because of the amount of lies she told me as well as the fact that she cheated on me with FOUR different guys, over a 6 month period (regarding we were dating for nearly 2 years). When I had confronted her about it, she told me that it wasn't my fauly, but she loved the thrill of meeting strangers in clubs & having casual sex. Since then there has been no communication whatsoever, and I resent her very deeply. Now I'm with a girl (we've been dating 6 months, & it's amazing!), and there's nothing wrong. Only if I wasn't so confused, since recently she's been lying about not having communication with her guy friends. Now, I'm all up for her having male friends, just the only thing is, is that these guys have a tendency to fancy her, she's very secretive about these things, doesn't invite me out to meet these `friends` & in my opinion is lying to me since I've never kept anything from her. I must admit things have fallen into place very quickly (we're going on holiday 3 times this year), but this really does feel like the real deal, since we have clicked from the very start. Now for the million pound question, am I being to over-protective/jealous, or should I be right to suspect such things? I highly doubt she would, since I trust her with my life. Also, if I am classified as jealous/over-protective, then how can I oversee this obstacle? Thanks Nick
hopesndreams Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 I highly doubt she would, since I trust her with my life. Then why are you here?
Author NickBarritt Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 I highly doubt she would, since I trust her with my life. Then why are you here? Because negative thoughts are in my head about this. It's not her I don't trust, just her male friends. Plus with the fact that she is very secretive, doesn't help much either!
hopesndreams Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 It's not her male friends you are worried about, it's her. The men in her life can't make her do anything she doesn't choose to do. You are worried she will fall prey to a man giving her attention and then that would make her blameless? Considering your history and that she chose to be with you, she should fully disclose everything and not be secretive. She is ok with letting you have negative thoughts. That isn't acceptable.
Author NickBarritt Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 It's not her male friends you are worried about, it's her. The men in her life can't make her do anything she doesn't choose to do. You are worried she will fall prey to a man giving her attention and then that would make her blameless? Considering your history and that she chose to be with you, she should fully disclose everything and not be secretive. She is ok with letting you have negative thoughts. That isn't acceptable. The only thing is we've spoken about it plenty of times, but she constantly reassures me, but I still feel uncomfortable. If I carry on the way I'm going, I'll most likely push her away. I can tell it frustrates her, but it's god damn difficult -.- !
hopesndreams Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 She is only reassuring you with words and not actions. Words are meaningless. doesn't invite me out to meet these `friends` she's been lying about not having communication with her guy friends.
Author NickBarritt Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 good point, then what's the best way of striking up this conversation with no aggrevation?
hopesndreams Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 There will be aggravation even if she has nothing to hide but even more so, if she does. Watch her actions. Don't be afraid to bring up your concerns with her. Communication is key.
Fouts Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Well Nick, at least you realize the fact that these male friends of hers are there, only because they want to be with her. That being said, the fact that she's being secretive about her contact with them lets you know that's she's keeping them on the string. It's her safety net if things don't work out with you. Take that for what it's worth.
Author NickBarritt Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 Now I'm feeling pretty disillusioned lol But that's the reality I guess, just I don't want to sort of get dumped, whilst in the process of finding out... But I guess what will be, will be, even though I hate the defeatist attitude...
hopesndreams Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Now I'm feeling pretty disillusioned lol But that's the reality I guess, just I don't want to sort of get dumped, whilst in the process of finding out... But I guess what will be, will be, even though I hate the defeatist attitude... Think of it as the self-preservation attitude.
Fouts Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 It's not defeatist. She's doing it for one of two reasons. Either she's someone who doesn't like to be alone and is into you, but afraid if things don't workout or you dump her, she'll be alone. One of these guys can be her safety net/rebound. The other reason is she's not very content with what you two have and is keeping her playing field open, albeit secretly, and if the right situation develops will move on. Scenario #1 is probably the better one to be in your shoes, but either way it's not a very positive thing for the relationship.
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