JJJJKKKKJJJJ Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 so the ex and i broke it off about 3 weeks ago (the break up was not mutual, I still wanted to date). we went no contact for about a week or so, then he broke it. since then we've been chatting on the phone and staying in contact, if not daily, but every other day. He expresses interest in my life and gets concerned for me. He also has asked about a certain person that I've been casually dating. Needless to say, I obviously care about him still very much and I think he still cares about me. we share things about each other's lives still. He indicated that he wants to get drinks. He keeps indicating that he's never been to a casino. Is there something here? Should I pursue this? (btw I should add when we broke up, he was more emotional than me...he was crying and all the stuff, saying he didn't want me to disappear) Should I remain his friend and maybe rekindle it?
sphx26 Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Remember that you broke up for a reason, hence, one or both of you may no longer be happy with what you have in the relationship. To avoid any more heartaches, I would consider my priorities and give thoughtful consideration if you really want to be back with this guy, and what you get out of it. Does the benefit outweigh the cons?
hopesndreams Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 he was crying and all the stuff, saying he didn't want me to disappear) This is what you must do, disappear. Remaining friends will not rekindle anything! How can he miss you if you are always there?
hater13 Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 I agree!! Disappear for a while and see what happens. Deactivate or become inactive on facebook if you have msn rarely come online. Make him miss you and see what happens. Best of luck
ADF Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Be careful. You say you would like to "rekindle" things. It may well be that he just wants a FWB. Be sure you are on the same page.
EricaH329 Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Having gone through something similar myself (quite a few times with the same person), I want to add that after something has been broken, it's extremely difficult to fix it. Nothing will be the same as it used to. It'll be more work and effort this time around. I think you should consider that before even thinking about a second chance. Also, all of the things that led to the break up to begin with, need to be discussed and worked through. Communication is huuuge in second chances (relationships period, really). You both need to be on the same page about this whole thing. You both have to be completely committed to working through your issues to make your relationship stronger. It's very, very difficult. Also, why are you dating if you still have really strong feelings for someone else? Do you believe that dating will really get you somewhere? Or are you just lonely and leading on some other guy? I suggest not dating until you have all of your emotions figured out. Saves the innocent ones a lot of heartache.
Author JJJJKKKKJJJJ Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 Thank you all for the advice. It's encouraging to know that I'm not alone in this nor the only person to go through something like this. I'm only dating to occupy my time and mind. Yes, it's unfair...and I acknowledge that...but in no way, shape or form do I indicate that I am ready to enter a relationship with any of the individuals I date - in fact, I tell them exactly what I am going through. I'm going to go NC and see what happens...
Author JJJJKKKKJJJJ Posted April 29, 2010 Author Posted April 29, 2010 Hi everyone! Again, thanks for all the advice I have been faithfully ignoring my ex since my last post. Ergo, I have received three text messages from him; the last being: "Hey Stranger! How are you?!" Should I continue ignoring? Should I be feeling guilty? Is that normal?
hopesndreams Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 Completely normal. Textbook even. Do not bite. Keep NC.
Author JJJJKKKKJJJJ Posted April 29, 2010 Author Posted April 29, 2010 It's really hard not to bite, since I miss him a lot and would like to try and rebuild what we had
aerogurl87 Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 I feel for you Osiris, my ex and I broke up I went NC for 6 months and the whole time I wanted to contact him and finally I did. Big mistake. He claimed he wanted to be friends but I wanted to dive head first into a relationship right then. In the end we never got back together. But now that I have a new boyfriend he seems to finally be able to see what he lost clearly. Sucks for him though cause I've moved on. But my point is, if you really want him back, let him come back to you. And when he does come back, take things slow, make him prove that he's serious about working things out.
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 It's really hard not to bite, since I miss him a lot and would like to try and rebuild what we had If he feels the same way, no amount of NC will keep him away. He will not hint about going places or hanging out. He will say "I miss you, I love you and I want to rebuild what we had". Any less than that, you may as well ignore.
Author JJJJKKKKJJJJ Posted May 3, 2010 Author Posted May 3, 2010 Believe me, my head tells me exactly that - I guess I'm a glutton for punishment. These past two nights, have had a 2 hour and a 3 hour conversation. I mentioned I was sorta dating someone, and he did not like it one bit. He mentioned that if I was to start dating this person he would no longer want to be friends, because he could not "witness my destruction" and stand idly by. I know if he wanted me back he would say this...I understand it, I just haven't accepted it yet.
D-Lish Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 He wanted to end things- he has no right to expectations that you remain friends and not date anyone else. That is so incredibly selfish of him to expect that.
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