joey66 Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 It drives me crazy when I read that men are interested only in sex. That for a man, it isn't an affair unless it's physical. usw. Anybody else feel this way? (I'm in love with a MW, and it has nothing, NOTHING to do with sex!)
Woggle Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 They either want sex or have a savior's complex. You sound like the latter. Not saying that all men think this way but just the ones who get involved with married women.
lilagirl Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 They either want sex or have a savior's complex. You sound like the latter. Not saying that all men think this way but just the ones who get involved with married women. I don`t agree that these are the only reasons why. MANY affairs begin as EAs with no intention of it becoming a PA. Once the R is stronger, it naturally progresses to sex. Joey... man BS believe this as its easier to think about the A as a sex only act.
bentnotbroken Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 I don`t agree that these are the only reasons why. MANY affairs begin as EAs with no intention of it becoming a PA. Once the R is stronger, it naturally progresses to sex. Joey... man BS believe this as its easier to think about the A as a sex only act. Does this some how make the A better because it began as an EA. I don't believe an A is sex only, but I do believe it is wrong all the time.
Author joey66 Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 They either want sex or have a savior's complex. You sound like the latter. Not saying that all men think this way but just the ones who get involved with married women. This is exactly the kind of thing I am talking about. (As I suspect the author intended.) A man couldn't possibly be interested in an EA. Or just fall in love. He's interested in sex. Or he's trying to be a KISA. Let me ask it this way. Why does a WOMAN get involved in an A?
MizzBlue72 Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 I can tell you that the MM and I - we started with just sex. But - he needed someone to listen to his emotional needs more than anything. So did I. I don't think all men go out JUST looking for sex. If wifes think this - it is SO wrong.
pureinheart Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 It drives me crazy when I read that men are interested only in sex. That for a man, it isn't an affair unless it's physical. usw. Anybody else feel this way? (I'm in love with a MW, and it has nothing, NOTHING to do with sex!) Hi Joey, I don't believe that all men, or women for that matter, are that shallow
Woggle Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 This is exactly the kind of thing I am talking about. (As I suspect the author intended.) A man couldn't possibly be interested in an EA. Or just fall in love. He's interested in sex. Or he's trying to be a KISA. Let me ask it this way. Why does a WOMAN get involved in an A? Some women who get involved with MM think they can change him or they get an ego boost from taking another woman's man away from her. Women who cheat tend to do it as an act of hatred against their husbands and it has very little to do with falling in love. Cheating and affairs in general from either sex have nothing to do with real love. In most cases if you take away the cheating element these relationships would fall apart.
Heather1 Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Hmmmm????? why does a woman have an A??? Depends how old she is.....it's for the sex!!! (just kidding, kind of) I don't even know. Personally, being w/ the same man for 20 years & having this gorgeous guy smile at me, pursue me, call me, etc.. Wow was that thrilling & fun. What I liked about him was he was FUN!! That, and he made me feel really good for a long time. The sex was just the icing, our friendship meant more to me to be honest. I miss both though.
secretlady76 Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 This is exactly the kind of thing I am talking about. (As I suspect the author intended.) A man couldn't possibly be interested in an EA. Or just fall in love. He's interested in sex. Or he's trying to be a KISA. Let me ask it this way. Why does a WOMAN get involved in an A? There is not a 'one size fits all' answer to this so I can only talk from my own experience. I firstly didn't realise I was involved in an EA. I simply met a MM (I am a MW) and we hit it off in terms of conversation. We both had the same stupid sense of humour and talked rubbish, which we both found funny. It had nothing to do with sex. It was all about the chat, which may I add was purely innocent conversation. That on its own made him attractive to me. I can look at him and say, yes I would get physical with him given half the chance but this was not what it was all about and we both said that to eachother. If he vanished from this earth then it would be the conversation I would miss more than anything else (not that there is anything else going on). Do I love him? I don't ask myself this question because I quite possibily do, but I'd rather not admit it to myself.
Hazyhead Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 This was the view of the BS in my situation. Entirely. When she rang me she expressed this. I think she saw the main thing that was missing in their marriage and assumed that was all he'd been getting from the affair - filling in the gaps, as it were. It may have started out that way (although there was emotional intimacy from the start it was highly sexually charged), but it didn't remain long as such, the emotions very soon caught up with us both. I guess it's easier for her to see it that way and, you know what, I didn't argue when she said that. What would have been the point?
Just a stone's throw Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Joey, From my A perspective it started as a great conversation with someone I could chit-chat with on email while at work who could understand the issues I was facing from a work perspective. He also helped me maneuver some difficult situations and come out better for them in the end. I think it was a time when my H was pretty wrapped up in himself and his own work issues and really was blowing me off when it came to what I was dealing with (I also probably didn't offer a whole lot at some point so am not putting much blame on my H). From the chit-chat the conversations grew and became a bit more friendly and intimate and probing as to situations and possible lunches, then possible dinners and really pressing on boundaries. I was quite naive, nervous and I think he really got off on that. He was bringing me out of my shell as he saw there was something he wanted. I liked the attention and damn he was cute...... I think we both did it for the sense of risk. Saying that our perfect lives really could have this dark side to them that others would never know about. We definitely both did it for the sex. I believe he started to feel an emotional tug toward me many times and each time he did, he'd pull himself back and remind himself it was just about the sex. I on the other hand explored those feelings more before getting my wings clipped by him for thinking it would be anything more than sex. It ended... friendly but sadly in my estimation because the realization was it was just about the sex and I was "just sex" to him. Did I answer your question? I don't think my A was typical from what I've read here other than how it ended.
skylarblue Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 I always think men+A=sex, but I always think men+anything=sex. It’s just how I view men, the typical majority of men. I just always equate it being necessary for the guy to have a physical attraction (overtly or subconsciously) in order for the door to be open for an EA. Kinda like the saying that no guy is friends with a girl that he wouldn’t be interested in.
Author joey66 Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 Joey, From my A perspective it started as a great conversation ... From the chit-chat the conversations grew and became a bit more friendly and intimate and probing as to situations and possible lunches, then possible dinners and really pressing on boundaries. This is how it started for me. It's about the conversation. The way she makes me feel. The connection we (had?) have. Yes, for many men everything is about sex. But it's no more true to say "all men want sex" than it is to say "all women want an emotional attachment." I think there are plenty of women who want sex, too! Forgive me for saying so, but particularly the ... um ... "middle-aged" women. (For the record, I am middle-aged myself.) Do I want to have sex with MW? Of course I do. But there are a lot of women I want to have sex with. And I never fell for any of them the way I have for MW. There is no one answer to the question "Why does a woman get involved in an A?" There is also no one answer to the question "Why does a man get involved in an A?" For me, I fell in love. (Go ahead and roll your eyes. )
Just a stone's throw Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Joey, God luv ya. Really. It's good to hear the other side. I think men do what men feel is acceptable to do. I say this because I truly think my exMM developed feelings for me. I just don't think he knew what to do with them and the only thing he could do was box them up and push them away. Push me away. And yes, middle age (40's) is a peak time for us W to find out that we DO have a sex drive and WOW it is awesome, and thrilling and very cool (read: understatement!!). I am so fortunate that I have taken the **** that my exMM dished to me and realized that I need to work at the Sex part of my M and it can be good too. That's where I am. I hope you find what you are looking for, Joey! I hope I can be of help to you, should I have anything of interest to share.
Fallen Angel Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 It drives me crazy when I read that men are interested only in sex. That for a man, it isn't an affair unless it's physical. usw. Anybody else feel this way? (I'm in love with a MW, and it has nothing, NOTHING to do with sex!) I do not believe for a minute that "all men are just interested in sex". I have never believed it, and my relationship certainly proves it is not true. Yes, we have sex, but there have been times when I have chosen not to have sex (for fairly long stretches of time) and it did not for one moment diminish our relationship. It did not slow down the frequency of his phone calls, his visits, his cuddling, his adoration of me. It was the same relationship, just without the sex. *shrug* I do not know why some people are convinced it is all about the sex. I wonder sometimes if those same people would then expect their own spouse to find sex on the side, or better yet, divorce them if they were to be somehow put into a position where they were no longer able to perform sexually. I mean, if an affair relationship is always just about the sex, then obviously a marriage would be too, as any relationship a man has would be "just about the sex", right? Why would it be that only affairs are "just about the sex", why can not people see that they are often about love, connection, true emotional intimacy just as any relationship?
SavannahSmiles Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 Totally ridiculous that men are only interested in sex. Some men are interested in watching basketball and fixing things that broke. I'd like to find a man that's only interested in sex. Bow chicka bow wow
OWoman Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 They either want sex or have a savior's complex... Not saying that all men think this way but just the ones who get involved with married women. This was certainly the case with my H - but then, he was a child back then. It was only a good deal later that he realised some people are just far too broken ever to fix - and that, to feel better about their own brokenness, they try to break everyone around them. He escaped - but only after a good deal of damage had been done and needed fixing in counselling.
OWoman Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 It drives me crazy when I read that men are interested only in sex. That is a myth put out by some BWs to help them feel better about the A - "well, of course, he's a man - he wanted wayyyyyy more sex than any one woman could provide him." "He only wanted her as a booty call". etc. If they REALLY believed that, they wouldn't be with him either.
Woman In Blue Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 That is a myth put out by some BWs to help them feel better about the A - "well, of course, he's a man - he wanted wayyyyyy more sex than any one woman could provide him." "He only wanted her as a booty call". etc. If they REALLY believed that, they wouldn't be with him either. That's not a myth "put out by BW's." I'm not a BW but I feel most men are looking for whatever they can get. And I also believe that 99% of them are only as honest as their OPTIONS. Sure, there are exceptions, but the rule for the majority is that they're looking for sex. They're also looking for ego strokes, make no mistake about it. They're looking for someone to adore them and look up to them like they're the center of the universe. But no, I don't believe for a nano-second that "most of them" are looking for love. LOL. Not by a long shot.
Woggle Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 There are plenty of men looking for love but they are usually not the type that involve themselves in affairs.
Author joey66 Posted April 26, 2010 Author Posted April 26, 2010 Totally ridiculous that men are only interested in sex. Some men are interested in watching basketball and fixing things that broke. I'd like to find a man that's only interested in sex. Bow chicka bow wow LOL! :lmao: Just great. Now I'm gonna have "bow chicka bow wow" running through my head all damn day!
Recommended Posts