Hbnumbatwo Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 I broke up with my girlfriend of 8 months about a month ago. I was happy with the relationship we had but i was going to university an hour from where she still lived. I loved her and she told me she loved me back. i rarely saw her as time went on, like to the point where it was once every 2 weeks, give or take. that hurt. I finally couldn't deal with not being able to see her and broke it to her as gently as i could, explaining that i only had to because of the distance. she never said a word the whole time and so i left after a long silence. I went to the bar that night with some friends but wasn't feeling it, they all were happy for me and said I could do better. but the whole time i just moped around and felt like the king of *******s. she showed up with a friend and it looked like she felt nothing. she smiled as normal and avoided me and it looked to me like she was getting close to another guy (more of an aquantaince of mine). i was confused and shaken up by everything that happened that day and i tried texting her saying "glad to see you're taking it well" and i regret that text. i had been drinking and i guess i started to get jealous and it just happened. When i went back to school that week I couldn't stop thinking about her and it started driving me crazy. I had to be intoxicated in some way to not think of her. this resulted in a long week of being ****ed up. I saw her teh next weekend and it was a similar situation at the bar. i tried not to look depressed so people wouldn't worry about me. I tried talking to her and she wouldn't look at me and gave me one word answers. all i want is to at least be her friend again, like before we dated. I can't tell what she thinks about me now Now its been about a month maybe a little less and 2 other girls like me and i still can't stop thinking of her when im sober. last night at a party we were both at i slept with a girl and someone who i thought was a good friend told her to her face. i didn't want it to be a big deal but when the whole party was told i just wanted to leave. I saw her getting close with a younger friend of mine but she stopped as far as i know when i left. i think she was trying to get back at me. all i want to do is talk to her, i regret sleeping with that girl (didn't finish if that makes any difference). Was i right in trying to find someone else to take my mind of my ex? or from what i've said do you think i should keep trying to talk to her and work things out (just for being friends or date again?) I don't know what do to anymore and im more confused than ever. I think i still love her, friends say i can do better. i don't know if i should listen to them or is this normal heartbreak feelings? sorry for the length. i've never posted anything like this before.
EthanH Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 The problem with this is that you are both young and your feelings change every 5 mins. You also have the classic problem, which everyone our age seems to have, all my friends have it, whereby you end up doing things based on what you think the other is thinking, rather than what you know they are thinking. It becomes more about front than the facts of what you basically both want, as you don't want to lose face. Communication is almost non-existent, and that which does happen is guarded. I think you are trying to make excuses, and I base that on a few of the things you said which show a lot about how you feel. You said twice that your friends think you could do better...that is something which is very similar to my friends, but the reality of it is, is that to your friends, before you broke up, I bet you would be more likely to tell your friends negative things about her than positive, it is always the way, the times you speak most are when things are going badly as you have to act etc... whereas when things are going well... there is no need to advertise it, as it isn't like you have to do anything as a result of that. So essentially, your friends will have a negative view of things with your ex. The other thing which made me laugh is the 'i didn't finish' comment...the fact you think this makes any difference is almost funny... that you thought it was even worth mentioning is noteworthy, you are making excuses. With respect, you are behaving like kids, and what you are looking to have is an adult relationship. Firstly you need to spend some time thinking things through... you like her, but do you like her more than anyone else, what do you think was right and wrong about your relationship? Spend some time properly thinking about this. Work out what you are comfortable with, and try and be as unemotional about it as possible, don't just act on instinct. Then when you know, go and speak to her. Stop all the front. Just be straight with her, and I think that will help her to just open up. As for the girl you slept with, it isn't a massive deal, you were single.
Author Hbnumbatwo Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 thanks, thats a lot to think about, although much of it i've heard from other people who i've discussed it with. I realize im young and this is the first time im feeling like this and its true i dont have much experience so im a little...uncomfortable? with the feelings. I think i will talk to her, probably tonight and just let her know my thoughts. I havent posted before so the whole finishing thing was just fresh in my mind and i didnt want to miss anything. i realize now its not really significant but before i thought everything might help for replies. maybe
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