ur_best_memory Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 Ok Well I am 21 years old and I just recently got married August 2009. Me and my husband are both working overseas. We have known each other for a year and when I first met him, he was married! He ended up leaving his wife at the time well because they werent working out because of long distnace. Well we were fine while were together of course we had our normal fights. We got married because we knew we were both going to be working overseas and knew we were not going to be able to see each other much and plus we were in love! Well its been 7 months and in that 7months I have maybe seen him about once a month. About 3 months ago, I met someone else. This OM is great, he's an amazing person and by all means does not mean bad. This OM does know I'm married and he is 23, he is also going through a divorce because his wife left him. I see this OM all the time and we communicate great, which is really important to me. SO then there is my husband, I fell in love with him for all that he is calm, quiet he is pretty shy. Now I'm stuck I don't know if I got married too soon? Did I get married because I knew we werent going to see each other much? Is this OM the one for me? I need help and I am stuck. As far as the future me and my husband are supposed to be moving to Hawaii together and this OM will be going to Germany, however this OM is willing to wait for me, is willing to move Hawaii for me to be with me. Has even talked about marrying me. PLease help!
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Honestly, you may want to talk to your husband about getting your marriage annulled. Long distance doesn't seem to work for either of you. As for OM, if you can get yourself unmarried - you may want to stay that way for a long, long time. Not saying it to be snarky, but I think you still have some 'being single/dating' to do before you will be in the right mindset for a shot at a functional marriage.
Tethys Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 I agree with LucreziaBorgia. You really need to be single for a while. In your 20s I think you're likely to change your mind a few times on who you want to be with. Spend a couple years with someone before you marry them.
Author ur_best_memory Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 I believe you both are right. And I feel that deep down even if OM isnt the one for me it's opened my eyes to a whole lot of things. Now for the hard part... telling my husband I want to a divorce. How should I do this? Should I wait until we get back to the states? Tell him to move on? I know I'm going to hurt him and in the end I will have to deal with the consequences but obvoiusly I wasnt happy.
peterms Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 This is an easy one! Yes, you got married too early. Frankly if you've been long dstance longer than you've been "short distance" with your "husband" than frankly I question whether what you have is a marriage or a piece of paper. Hence the above poster's suggestion about an anullment is bang on. Oh and this other man who's married and getting divorced and you have a "thing" with (or at least think you do): drop him like he has leprosy. Seriously.
peterms Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 I believe you both are right. And I feel that deep down even if OM isnt the one for me it's opened my eyes to a whole lot of things. Now for the hard part... telling my husband I want to a divorce. How should I do this? Should I wait until we get back to the states? Tell him to move on? I know I'm going to hurt him and in the end I will have to deal with the consequences but obvoiusly I wasnt happy. oh forgot to answer this last question: I think you owe it to a person to explain your motivations for leaving. Unless the person is a jerk or abusive, then you owe them jack.
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