spookie Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 none, but then i dont get out enough to meet anyone i could potentially tell im really busy
Author Scottdmw Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 I find that really strange. I don't understand why a person would be on a dating site, and not put in any actual time or effort into meeting the people they communicate with. Perhaps that's just her lifestyle? The kind of person she is? It's probably better that you don't end up going on a date with her, I see something like that becoming a habit. I have never really encountered anything like that before. Does it happen often? I'm sure there are a few reasons as to why people are like that. But since you are on a dating site, i'm sure you can find other people that don't do that. If not, perhaps you should change dating sites? This is one of the more extreme examples. I definitely see it more than I would like to though. Yeah, I'm definitely all about trying to find someone who doesn't do that. Thank you though for your kind words. Scott
Author Scottdmw Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 What I am sick of is people who won't give straight, honest answers. They'll do just about anything to avoid being honest. "I'm really busy" is just a ploy to avoid saying, "sorry, I'm not interested." What is so horrible about saying the latter? I've always wondered that myself. I mean I kind of understand, but it does create a problem. If people feel like they have to use “I’m busy” as a code for “I'm not interested”, what happens when they really are busy but interested? That does happen from time to time, and when it does it seems like the usual response is for the other person to not believe it. Why would they when they've heard that line so many times? Scott
alphamale Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Is anyone else out there sick of the “I’m really busy” game? most singles are sitting at home alone with a tub of ben & jerrys chunkey monkey ice cream
gypsy_nicky Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 that's certainly not what i mean by "meh". "meh" means i don't feel that the guy brings anything except companionship and sex to the table. obviously both of those are prerequisites for having a relationship with someone but if i dont feel like i can develop an emotional bond with the person, AND trust them with my life, it's not going to go anywhere with me. i am actually in a sitaution now we're i've given a "meh" guy a chance, and am regretting it sorely. it would have been so much less complicated if i'd held my own and refused to date him, like i'd been refusing everyone else for the past two years. now i'm faced with the prospect of spending tomorrow breaking up with him, and potentially losing a friend. when you say emotional bond you mean the feeling of and the state of being in love with a person?
phineas Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 I had a chick return my call days later & wanting to come over & hang out now. Sure, but I hadn't cleaned. And she commented on it. Well, she was "too busy" to make a 5 minute phone call all week but i'm expected to make time to do daily sweeps on my house just in case she decides she wants to come over? I got two little one's whose goal in life is to find every toy they have & scatter them all over the house. In between their cave paintings in milk & fruit juice they make on the hardwood floor with their sippy cups. LOL! Bottom line, if your too busy to return my call in a timely manner I assume you can't possibly find time to date me & loose interest.
stillafool Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 I've been truly in love probably about four times in my life. In all of those cases, it took some time to develop. No one, either me or her, was ever wowed at first sight, nor on the first date. If those four women had decided to wait for a guy that knocked her socks off right away, those relationships would never have happened. Well, I have been wowed at first site pretty much by every man I have ever been in love with including my current husband. It just works that way with me. I also know alot of people who fall in love the way you have - in time. When I was single I had to have that initial "chemistry" right off the bat or I didn't waste their time.
runner Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 the fact is i'm one of those people who really are that busy - no lie and no exaggeration. although, i am usually free from 11pm to 6am, but it takes a pretty special person to fill in that time slot; and if i don't make it available to you, then too bad
love_confusion Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 I don't know...in some cases the whole "I'm busy" excuse is just that, an excuse. However, whenever I say "I'm busy", it's usually because I'm actually really busy. If someone, a date, friend, etc. chooses not to believe me, then that's their problem. I've had that happen and it's a total turn off. Furthermore, I don't plan on slacking off on things that I need to do (mainly school) for someone I just met...because when I get home from an evening out, who is going to do my work for me when I get home? Will my date do it for me? Um...probably not! I agree that it's important to make time for people, but sometimes the time really isn't there.
USMCHokie Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 I don't know...in some cases the whole "I'm busy" excuse is just that, an excuse. However, whenever I say "I'm busy", it's usually because I'm actually really busy. If someone, a date, friend, etc. chooses not to believe me, then that's their problem. I've had that happen and it's a total turn off. Furthermore, I don't plan on slacking off on things that I need to do (mainly school) for someone I just met...because when I get home from an evening out, who is going to do my work for me when I get home? Will my date do it for me? Um...probably not! I agree that it's important to make time for people, but sometimes the time really isn't there. Which means you aren't dateable. And the other person would do well to leave you alone. So either way, when a date says that they're "really busy," then you should run far away...and fast...
Author Scottdmw Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 I don't know...in some cases the whole "I'm busy" excuse is just that, an excuse. However, whenever I say "I'm busy", it's usually because I'm actually really busy. If someone, a date, friend, etc. chooses not to believe me, then that's their problem. I've had that happen and it's a total turn off. Furthermore, I don't plan on slacking off on things that I need to do (mainly school) for someone I just met...because when I get home from an evening out, who is going to do my work for me when I get home? Will my date do it for me? Um...probably not! I agree that it's important to make time for people, but sometimes the time really isn't there. You see the number of people on this site who openly admit to using “I’m busy” as an excuse when they're not interested. Yet, when you say I'm busy and you're serious, you expect people to believe you. If its friends you’re talking about that know you, that's one thing. But if you're talking about someone you just met, how is someone supposed to know? For me it's not a question of choosing to believe someone or not. I don't think there is a choice involved. When someone I just met tells me that they are too busy to meet me, I have a strong tendency to think they might actually be not interested. That's not a decision, that's what comes out of all the experiences I've had in the past. Scott
runner Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Which means you aren't dateable. And the other person would do well to leave you alone. So either way, when a date says that they're "really busy," then you should run far away...and fast... agreed. because even if it were, it isn't always indicative of a literal time allowance, just the choice not to make the time available for you specifically.
stillafool Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 This is true. I don't care how busy a woman is if she really finds you attractive and interesting she will make time in her schedule to get to know you better.
blind_otter Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 Aside from my personal experience, there are all kinds of people out there in great relationships that didn't feel a huge spark right at first. If they had decided the payoff of being busy was greater than dating the “meh” person, they never would have had those great relationships. Scott I've had 4 longterm relationships in my adult life, and every one of them started with a bang. I know within 5 minutes whether or not I would have sex with a guy. Takes much longer to know if I would want a relationship. I don't know that I would be able to romantically see someone I don't feel all tingly and sexually excited about. IME if it's not there to begin with, the sex if just never as good.
Pyrotekniquez Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 What if they set something for a later date? For example, I've been trying to woo a classmate who's been pretty busy. We go out and get lunch and dinner between and after classes occasionally. (We both offer to go, but the situation isn't right to make a move) However it's finals week and she's genuinely too busy to do stuff with me (she also has other responsibilities)... but she has been saying that she would be more free to do stuff as soon as her predicament is over. I mean I know everyone's advice is to MOVE ON, but I think there's something there? I get that gut feeling when we hang out and when she isn't stressed out. This past week she's been stressed and my gut has been telling me otherwise... Thanks everyone! I'm new here and thank you for the great forum!!
Romance Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 No one I know has plans every single night, or even MOST nights. usually if i say i am too busy, i have no desire to go out with the man.
USMCHokie Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 Never buy the "I'm really busy" line It's not really about "buying the line" or not. Regardless of whether it's the truth (she really is busy) or just an excuse (she's not interested), you're best to look elsewhere to date. People who are legitimately "too busy" are not dateable. They have their priorities elsewhere. But I agree. "I'm really busy" = insta-LAUNCH.
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