muffin Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 From what I have read on here, it seems most of the posters are high school aged kids or twenty-ish. I'm 45, and have been alone a long time, although I was married for a few years at one time, and have had about seven relationships in my life over the past decade, and in the past 3 years there is someone I dearly love, who has come in and out of my life a few times, and I never can seem to get over him. Anyway, I mainly just need to vent, over the years I've found myself having really negative feelings toward couples. I don't understand, with such a high divorce rate, why all I ever see are people who are happy together. In public, couples are always touching each other and talking happy and cuddling. Even in line at Home Depot a couple of weeks ago, all these dumb couples are standing there practically holding themselves back from making out in line. I never ever see anyone arguing or being their own person when they're with a s/o or standing with their hands to themselves. From my viewpoint, the whole world looks giddy and coupled. I'm one of those people who can't stand to see PDA when I'm in line somewhere or in a store, it looks so stupid to other people for one thing, and it makes the couple look like they are flaunting themselves and saying "hey look at us." I'm sure people will accuse me of being bitter, etc., but after years of going to stores alone, going to movies alone, and coming home to an empty house alone, things can start to get to you. I'm an attractive person, in good shape, a Christian, frugal with my money, a loving mother, decent personality, responsible life...I have plenty to offer. Never have understood why no one has ever loved me. Anyway, I just needed to vent a little.
You Go Girl Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 Well I'm 46, and many many posters I see are in their 40's, especially on the divorce board and regulars from far back that post on the general forum. There are many articulate, successful, thoughtful adult posters. And some very intelligent posters that are young, and appear to be older because they have wisdom beyond their years. Instead of bashing PDA, why not watch it, and see the little things that couples do to keep their attraction alive? Find the positive side to the picture. Hope you're feeling a little better soon about it all.
mamabear187 Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 I am 46 been married 28 years. My husband and I go some places together, not many. I would rather go alone. Being a couple is wonderful when you enjoy spending time with that person but when you don't enjoy their company it sucks! Don't take it all at face value! Much of what I do is alone by choice. He is a nice guy just a lousy husband. If $$$ was not so tight I would be out of here. Just because two people are together doesn't mean it's all roses...
Tamia78 Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 Well, I'm 31, and I felt the same way as you. Not everything is what it seems on the outside. My good friend got married a year ago to a man I thought she was really in love with. I think she still is, but she's admitting that things are not quite right in her marriage. I always thought she was extremely happy, and they were one of those "cutesy" couples you probably saw in the store. They still seem that way sometimes........but that's only on the outside. Now I try not to pay attention to those couples anymore, and focus on what I can do for myself to make sure that my relationships are real, inside AND out. --T
HokeyReligions Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 I'm in my 50's and been married a long time; but I understand how you feel because it's a normal human emotion. When my husband and I were going thru a really rough patch and had separated it seemed like that's all I saw too - happy couples of all ages. I likened it to when one buys a car and suddenly they see that same make and model all over the place where they never saw it so much before. We become hypersensitive to things that hurt or depress us, especially as we mature and have more experiences. I'm glad you are venting about it - sometimes that helps to let it out. I just wish there were things I, or anyone, could say to actually make you feel better. My husband's health is not good. The docs said he may not live to see 60 and he'll be 59 this year (I think he'll live longer) but that has stuck in my mind and is becoming almost the focal point of my thoughts now and it flat out terrifies me. After our children passed away in 1999 and 2002 I didn't think I could hurt again - but I did when my mom passed in 2006 - she lived with us for almost 8 years and we were very close. I don't know if because of past pain I've become hypersensitive to the pain of loss; or if when it does happen I will be able to handle it because of the experiences of the past (I'm hoping for the latter); but it's a fight every day to not wallow in fear and clutch him constantly. He is all the family I have and when he goes I will be all alone and I don't think I'll do very well. I said that to lead to in my life now I am constantly seeing women around my age who are alone. It's like they are everywhere - functioning (sometimes well, sometimes not) with no one to help and no one to comfort them. I see them at work, church, stores just everywhere. That scares me and impresses me too. Their strength that they can get up and live each day impresses me because my fear wants to drive me into bed and stay there and I'm afraid that is what will happen to me. I'll probaby start seeing the couples again then too.
Author muffin Posted April 26, 2010 Author Posted April 26, 2010 Thank you everybody for being so understanding and helpful. Sometimes it helps just to have someone listen to you.
Nikki Sahagin Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 I felt the same as you, I still partly do. I think its because I partly see holding down a relationship as a measure of success. Being in a relationship, a healthy one, means someone loves and cares for you as you are and I didn't manage to hold onto a relationship. I think i'm feeling something similar to what divorcees experience when they claim that they failed at marriage, I feel I failed at my relationship. I think this will flare and fade at different times. Whatever you don't have, and want, you will notice more. I still get this feeling sometimes. I think all you can ever do, is feel what you feel. Don't ignore it. If your problem is that you feel you are not loved...do things that give you that feeling without a partner, things that give you a sense of pride and achievment. For instance I write poetry and songs to get my feelings out but I also feel proud and my own love for myself increases. It doesn't replace people loving you, but it will make the resentment less.
Woggle Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 Just be happy for them and be glad that somebody has actually found love. Making them miserable will not benefit your life in anyway.
sean1970 Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 (edited) Just be happy for them and be glad that somebody has actually found love. Making them miserable will not benefit your life in anyway. Not so fast, it can be rather satisfying to whack a happy couple with a wadded up store flyer every now and then... "Oh, how cute, his and her sweatshirts with your pictures on them... WHACK!" Edited April 26, 2010 by sean1970
Recommended Posts