mamabear187 Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 There was man in my life 24 years ago. We were both married, the attraction was immediate. We were together for over one year we don't remember why we split. Fast forward 24 years later a phone call is made. Says he could never stop thinking about me had to see if it's all in his head or real. We met the love was obvious, it's still there...9 months later we are in deep. He says he loves his wife but he loves me. My marriage is not good. He will never leave his wife and I doubt I will leave my husband. This man is honest, caring, and sensitive . We finish one another's sentences like we have been together since the beginning. He loves me and I love him.When we are together it's beautiful and strong. This should be wrong but we cannot feel it is. Should I stay or cut him loose? He is good to me and we are intimate with only one another. Would like to make one more statement...He never speaks ill of his wife but feels unloved which is what I provide, what we provide for each other..Our kids are grown so that is not an issue....help ?
jennie-jennie Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 There was man in my life 24 years ago. We were both married, the attraction was immediate. We were together for over one year we don't remember why we split. Fast forward 24 years later a phone call is made. Says he could never stop thinking about me had to see if it's all in his head or real. We met the love was obvious, it's still there...9 months later we are in deep. He says he loves his wife but he loves me. My marriage is not good. He will never leave his wife and I doubt I will leave my husband. This man is honest, caring, and sensitive . We finish one another's sentences like we have been together since the beginning. He loves me and I love him.When we are together it's beautiful and strong. This should be wrong but we cannot feel it is. Should I stay or cut him loose? He is good to me and we are intimate with only one another. Would like to make one more statement...He never speaks ill of his wife but feels unloved which is what I provide, what we provide for each other..Our kids are grown so that is not an issue....help ? It seems to me like you are both content with your relationship. Your relationship is not wrong in my opinion, the question is if it is wrong of you two to stay married.
Hazyhead Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 Mamabear, what do you want from this? DO you want more from him? I do find it confusing how somebody can want two people equally, how would you balance your love for him vs your love for your husband? Is your love for your MOM stronger? If so, I think that the first thing you should do is face your own responsibilities to your husband - it isn't fair to him that you remain in the 'status quo' of the marriage whilst in love with another man; he should have right to the love that you are getting. As for your MOM, if it seems unlikely he will leave and you want more then are you doing yourself any favours by hanging on? I'm concerned that this will end badly. Mamabear, I think you know the answer, but your heart is pulling you away from it.
Passion4Life Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 (edited) There was man in my life 24 years ago. We were both married, the attraction was immediate. We were together for over one year we don't remember why we split. Fast forward 24 years later a phone call is made. Says he could never stop thinking about me had to see if it's all in his head or real. We met the love was obvious, it's still there...9 months later we are in deep. He says he loves his wife but he loves me. My marriage is not good. He will never leave his wife and I doubt I will leave my husband. This man is honest, caring, and sensitive . We finish one another's sentences like we have been together since the beginning. He loves me and I love him.When we are together it's beautiful and strong. This should be wrong but we cannot feel it is. Should I stay or cut him loose? He is good to me and we are intimate with only one another. Would like to make one more statement...He never speaks ill of his wife but feels unloved which is what I provide, what we provide for each other..Our kids are grown so that is not an issue....help ? As other posters already said , why dont you get out of your marriage & then pursue a relationsship with OM when you say your marriage is not good ? At least that way you will not be unnecesarrily dragging your husband in your affair . Why can't he find someone who can love him , just like you found this OM ? Edited April 24, 2010 by Passion4Life
fooled once Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 There was man in my life 24 years ago. We were both married, the attraction was immediate. We were together for over one year we don't remember why we split. Fast forward 24 years later a phone call is made. Says he could never stop thinking about me had to see if it's all in his head or real. We met the love was obvious, it's still there...9 months later we are in deep. He says he loves his wife but he loves me. My marriage is not good. He will never leave his wife and I doubt I will leave my husband. This man is honest, caring, and sensitive . We finish one another's sentences like we have been together since the beginning. He loves me and I love him.When we are together it's beautiful and strong. This should be wrong but we cannot feel it is. Should I stay or cut him loose? He is good to me and we are intimate with only one another. Would like to make one more statement...He never speaks ill of his wife but feels unloved which is what I provide, what we provide for each other..Our kids are grown so that is not an issue....help ? Do your husband a favor and stay with this "honest" man How can he be so honest if he has broken his wedding vows? How can he be so honest if he hasn't told his wife he is screwing someone else? Please don't make it out to be this love story .... because it really is no different than what many OW go through. You are cheating. He is cheating. Neither of you are honest (at least with your spouses). Cut your husband lose and allow him the chance to find a real woman who loves him and only him and will be faithful to him. Stay and continue to be the OW since you know, because he told you, he is NOT divorcing his wife. If you want to do that to yourself, be second fiddle, that's fine. But you owe your husband his freedom. He didn't ask to be involved in this.
2sunny Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 it would never be considered wrong as long as you have asked permission from your husband and he has asked permission from his wife. have you both asked? if you have gotten the green light from both - there's nothing wrong. if you haven't asked then things are out of order. go ask. if neither has asked - then it is back wards. there is hurt and dishonesty and betrayal involved. that is never a good way to start a relationship or friendship for that matter. proper order... helps keep everything in good standing.
MizzBlue72 Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 I have no words of wisdom, but I am glad you shared. If you guys are both OK knowing the boundaries of your relationship, then keep the status quo. The problem happens when one partner wants more than the other. Good luck - keep posting.
Passion4Life Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 I have no words of wisdom, but I am glad you shared. If you guys are both OK knowing the boundaries of your relationship, then keep the status quo. The problem happens when one partner wants more than the other. Good luck - keep posting. so basically you are suggesting her to continue fooling her husband ?
bananalaffytaffy Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 It never fails to amaze me how selfish people can be. You two are too busy thinking about your nether regions to think about the people to whom you made vows. Further, I imagine that if your MM said he was going to divorce, you'd not think twice of dumping your H. It's just the fact that your MM isn't divorcing that you stay in your M. Pretty cowardly. No matter what your relationship is with your H, I highly doubt he signed up for this kind of treatment. Even if he's a sorry SOB to you, which I doubt, he deserves to be loved and treated with respect. You are currently doing neither.
MizzBlue72 Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 so basically you are suggesting her to continue fooling her husband ? I'm just saying that these two adults can choose what they want to do. They are adults. They are in this relationship - not me. Maybe this was a huge mistake on both parts and with time they will come to tell the spouses - who knows. There is a time for everything and maybe she isn't ready yet. Maybe there is a reason she can't communicate with her H.
secretlady76 Posted April 25, 2010 Posted April 25, 2010 It never fails to amaze me how selfish people can be. You two are too busy thinking about your nether regions to think about the people to whom you made vows. Further, I imagine that if your MM said he was going to divorce, you'd not think twice of dumping your H. It's just the fact that your MM isn't divorcing that you stay in your M. Pretty cowardly. No matter what your relationship is with your H, I highly doubt he signed up for this kind of treatment. Even if he's a sorry SOB to you, which I doubt, he deserves to be loved and treated with respect. You are currently doing neither. Harsh but fair.....and you have a good point. You're looking at it from the other angle and this will help people who are in the 'fog' look at it from the BS angle too. Thanks
Passion4Life Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 I'm just saying that these two adults can choose what they want to do. They are adults. They are in this relationship - not me. Maybe this was a huge mistake on both parts and with time they will come to tell the spouses - who knows. There is a time for everything and maybe she isn't ready yet. Maybe there is a reason she can't communicate with her H. or may be she wants to keep her husband as a backup plan as with OM it is uncertain.
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