missmcfly88 Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 (edited) My life was falling apart. I had just gotten home from a trip that would have provided a good script for a horror movie, i was broke, jobless, and no one trusted me any more. And then i met him. He was this light which shone upon me forcing me to see what could be good, and beautiful, and pure in life. Im odd in the fact that i can tell in the first encounter whether i am going to fall DEEPLY in love with you or not. Trust me I have no control over it and to this day in my 22 years there have only been 2 who have made this happen. The first one i met when i was 19 and i was in love instantly, but he betrayed me and literally ended my life as i knew it. But yet i loved him, through all the pain that was to follow i could think of nothing else but getting to him again. Until i met my Rawr. I call him that cause that was our way of talking to each other. Frustration, happiness, excitement, love, all were expressed in two simple words. For me, it was Grrr, for him, it was Rawr. over the months we spent in love, we planned a future together, and he promised me he would NEVER leave me. EVER. he even asked me to marry him. But then, one day. He was gone. he doesnt live in my immeadiate area so i couldnt just go to his house. he was very clever as well to have not introduced me to anyone of his friends, or family, even though we were together for 6 months. So one day i came to realize his phone was off. for days. and i was blocked on his facebook. And a week later i saw that on one of his friends pages, there was a pic of him andher hugging as lovers would. I was shattered. So i repressed. I have been staying positive, laughing, singing, and even dating again. I am actually in a relationship and i love my bf VERY much. But he's not my Rawr. no one will ever be able to access or attain the passion and love i had for my Rawr. It's starting to get uncomfortable and though i am blocked from his facebook, i can still her profile pic loud and clear. Which has just been changed to ANOTHER pic of them happy together. I dont know what to do. It's making me physically ill but no matter who or what tells me to stop loving him, stop needing him. I cant. Im a very logical and intellegent young woman, i know there is no chance i will ever hear from him again. But how do i cope? How do i survive without him. I miss him like i would miss air. And as a person does without air, i can feel myself and spirit dying. Edited April 24, 2010 by missmcfly88
Bolts Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 I have no answers for you... as i am in the same boat... we, maybe we are not in the boat anymore, but I am treading water right next to you. For me its been 2 1/2 months and have done every possible thing to drive her as far away as I could... not intentionally, but outof passion, anger, love and hurt. The smoke is clearing... slowily. The battlefield is that is showing is worst than the smoke. I still want her back as she is the one... i am willing to forgive, but she is way to young to understand. And she too is with another... 2 months to the day. Her parents and I... we all see a proposal and marriage coming... so maybe you dont have it so bad yet... This is the only thing I have really learned that may help... but probably will not... If your not the one "who left"then you can't be the one to "go back". You are not alone. When you cry in your bed at night, your not alone. When you cant eat, you dont eat alone. When you long to hold them close, your not alone. When you pray for their thoughts, your not alone. We are all there with you.
EthanH Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 I felt quite upset reading your post. My gf just dumped me, again, after a week or so of being 'back', after having 2 months of being split, after a 1 year relationship. This has totally messed with my mind, as she told me how much she doubts her decision, that when she looks like she is having a great time, it is just her covering up her emotions, almost the more she looks happy, she said the more it shows she is hurting. I only say all this because I want you to know that I know how you are feeling...I know how difficult it is, to wake up every morning and really miss someone more than anything else. She is still the only thing I think about. Ok, so your situation, I'm just going to be honest, I might say some things which you don't like, but I think it is better that way than to tell you what you want to hear. I think first and foremost, you need to sort your own life out. The biggest problem you have is your current situation, it has nothing to do with any guys. You need to realise this. After you read this, sit down with a pen and paper, and list the things you want to do in your life, nothing that involves anyone else, your ambitions. And if it still doesn't seem important (my ambitions became unimportant after my ex split with me)... ask yourself what that means. It's not a healthy situation. You need to be able to live on your own, and if you want to be with anyone in a relationship and be happy, AND allow that person to be happy with you, you HAVE to change things with yourself. The reality is, that people are happy to be there for the person they are dating if they see some light at the end of the tunnel, but if it goes on and on and on, most peoples tolerance begins to wane. Please please please take what I have said seriously. I know it sounds irrelevant, I know your mind is still on him, but honestly, it is the only answer for you to be happy. You want to be happy, right? So the most important thing is to put yourself first. In my opinion, you need to break up with your current relationship. You are clearly still in love with your ex. And, I think, for you to change yourself personally, you need to be single. One of the main things I see from your post is that you are reliant on people. Your whole life fell apart when this guy walked out. You cannot be that reliant on someone. Everyone I know, the people who really know me always say how I live with my heart on my sleeve, more so than anyone else they know. I jump into something, and give myself totally to it. It is very intense, but the main thing is that you are aware of it, you should know that your personality is going to scare guys. You have have have to be aware of that. Look at how things happened, a guy who you say you love walks out, your life falls apart, and your reaction, while still being in love with him, is to get into another relationship with someone else. Don't you see how dependent that is? it is not healthy. You need to change that. If you want to be happy. STOP looking at his facebook. What do you expect to see, a photo of him and you together? You have to be aware that you are just hurting yourself. Looking at it is ALWAYS going to be a BAD idea. You are putting all your energy, chasing someone who isn't going to make you happy, because you as a person aren't happy with yourself. I know it seems a cliche, but it is true! Do the thing with the list and for a week, try and do something, try to see if you can spend a whole week putting yourself first in everything you do. It will be a very positive thing for you. Getting confidence breeds confidence. Just remember, you putting yourself first, not relying on anyone, is the only thing you can do if you are to be happy in the future. Every guy is going to leave you if you don't just sort yourself out first. I know that sounds harsh, but the truth is that people don't want to be 'a carer' in a relationship, they want things to be balanced and equal, and until you sort yourself out, you aren't going to be able to give that to a relationship. Good luck. Please take what I have said seriously.
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