shadowplay Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 Personally, I think it's stupid as hell to make your relationship status public on facebook. Given that most relationships end, you'll be publicly breaking up whenever that happens which causes pain to the person who was dumped (if you're still fb friends) and also airs your dirty laundry to all of your friends and even minor acquaintances. The worst cases are those where they put "in a relationship" with so-and-so, which means everyone gets a status update that Suzy and Jake ended their relationship on Thursday at 12:30 AM. This is why I never make my status public, single or not. I think people who put "in a relationship" have this idealistic notion that this will be their last relationship. It's sort of like people who are unwilling to sign a prenup before marriage because it's unromantic. Then there are those who never change their status from single. This causes predictable problems when they start seeing someone and that person feels that they're not acknowledging the relationship. The best policy is to just not advertise your status at all. /end rant
Pyro Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 I personally like it. People use FB to keep in touch with others and they post pictures and they talk about themselves (activities, interests, favorite books....) I like sharing with my friends who I love and am with.
Author shadowplay Posted April 24, 2010 Author Posted April 24, 2010 I personally like it. People use FB to keep in touch with others and they post pictures and they talk about themselves (activities, interests, favorite books....) I like sharing with my friends who I love and am with. But you're OK with the public breakup if/when that relationship ends? If every relationship lasted forever, I could understand the logic.
Pyro Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 But you're OK with the public breakup if/when that relationship ends? If every relationship lasted forever, I could understand the logic. sure. I don't see it being any different if you break up and have to tell all your friends.
blondie1981 Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 I totally agree that facebook status are stupid (for me personally). My status doesnt show because if im in a relationship my friends will know and thats all who needs to know... When I am in a relationship, if its getting serious I will never put the persons name I am in the relationship with. Like you say then everyone knows exactly what time it ended etc - i just think thats something that should be private (except to the friends that you tell). I have a friend who was married for 5 years and then got divorced. It took him a couple of months to change his status just because he didnt want everyone to know his marriage broke up - which is totally understandable.. Its just too much info I think that doesnt need to be shared with everyone.
threebyfate Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 I think FB is silly but if H. ever decided he wanted one, I would expect that he set his relationship status to "happily married" if a status like that existed. If he didn't or hid it, I'd be seriously concerned. One thing I've learned is that if a man is hiding your relationship, he's got bigger issues, issues you don't want in your life.
nothappyjan Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 Break ups happen and i dont know anyone who goes hahahaha jake and suzy broke up lets be mean to them;) I like to be acknowleged as its a big part of who you are and people notice if your single or taken and a lot of people end up meeting or hooking up with people from their past etc through fb. If im in a r/ship i want everyone to know and i expect the same in return. Do i think every r/ship will last forever no I dont, but i think its worse to have the attitude why bother cause we are just going to break up anyway. I dont plan the break up announcement before i plan the telling people im in a relationship and im not even an optimist.
Citizen Erased Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 If anything it's a convenient way of notifying people wen you're with someone or if it ends, people will know one way or another, that way is just quicker. I do dislike when people use it as some sort of fighting tool within their relationship. The ones that change it during a fight and then are back together when they make up. Some repeat that cycle a lot.
confused and broken Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 I hate facebook I found my ex flirting with some chick he hadn't even met on there People go around taking pictures of everything they do so they can post it on there Get a life that's what I have to say to facebook and yes I am bitter
Author shadowplay Posted April 24, 2010 Author Posted April 24, 2010 I think FB is silly but if H. ever decided he wanted one, I would expect that he set his relationship status to "happily married" if a status like that existed. If he didn't or hid it, I'd be seriously concerned. One thing I've learned is that if a man is hiding your relationship, he's got bigger issues, issues you don't want in your life. I think marriage is different, though. In that case I would expect my SO to put that he was married. With regular relationships it doesn't make sense to me.
Author shadowplay Posted April 24, 2010 Author Posted April 24, 2010 I just think when you break up is private stuff that only your closest friends should know. Given that many people have random acquaintances on their lists, I don't understand why they'd want to advertise their breakups to everyone.
Author shadowplay Posted April 24, 2010 Author Posted April 24, 2010 If im in a r/ship i want everyone to know and i expect the same in return. Do i think every r/ship will last forever no I dont, but i think its worse to have the attitude why bother cause we are just going to break up anyway. I dont plan the break up announcement before i plan the telling people im in a relationship and im not even an optimist. In real life it's different because you don't send everyone you know an update on their news feed that you and your SO just broke up. You'll probably just tell your closest friends. I don't see anything wrong with thinking in the long term and being realistic. Most relationships end, so you have to be careful.
Author shadowplay Posted April 24, 2010 Author Posted April 24, 2010 Its just too much info I think that doesnt need to be shared with everyone. Exactly. ---------
threebyfate Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 I think marriage is different, though. In that case I would expect my SO to put that he was married. With regular relationships it doesn't make sense to me.I don't understand your reasoning. If someone's in a committed relationship, they should be happy to announce it to the world. As a guess, you're feeling out-of-sorts, probably wondering how many people will see him change his status when he does. But shadow, do you really care that much if he does? He's done nothing but hurt you since break up. Don't give someone that much power over your emotions since he doesn't have your best interests in mind and is only thinking about himself.
ladyjane83 Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 Me and my ex were together for a bout 4 years, so we were together when we first opened facebook accounts, therefore we thought it was really nice at the time to be able to put on there that we were in a relationship with each other. Rewind to last summer .....I found out my he was leaving me for someone else. Obviously I was heartbroken and in a mess and moving his stuff out of our apartment etc was hard enough as it was...but I have to say that oneof the worst parts was having to change me relationship status on fb. Know that everyone would see it. It just made it all so final, particularly when I was still in the denial stage. It was horrible to do. so now I have NO relationship status on there atall, single or otherwise. I believe that anyone important to me will know if I am with someone or not....people that I know vaguely from school or wherever years ago do NOT need to know the ins and outs of my relationship status
Author shadowplay Posted April 24, 2010 Author Posted April 24, 2010 I don't understand your reasoning. If someone's in a committed relationship, they should be happy to announce it to the world. As a guess, you're feeling out-of-sorts, probably wondering how many people will see him change his status when he does. But shadow, do you really care that much if he does? He's done nothing but hurt you since break up. Don't give someone that much power over your emotions since he doesn't have your best interests in mind and is only thinking about himself. I don't mind the announcing it to the world bit. It's just that inevitably what goes along with that is announcing it to he world if it ends, something that is kept more private in real life...or at least isn't announced so explicitly at the time it happens in a sort of ridiculous manner. Yes, this topic came up because I was thinking about him changing his status. But honestly it's something I've felt for a number of years. When I first signed up for facebook, I put my status down, but I soon realized it didn't make sense because I cringed whenever I got an update on my newsfeed that so and so had broken up. For the past few years I've hidden my status, because I don't want to advertise my love life ups and downs to the world.
Citizen Erased Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 In real life it's different because you don't send everyone you know an update on their news feed that you and your SO just broke up. You'll probably just tell your closest friends. I don't see anything wrong with thinking in the long term and being realistic. Most relationships end, so you have to be careful. I actually see a lot of things wrong with a "well, just incase" mindset. It's not being realistic, it's being bitter. If you go into a relationship thinking it's more than likely going to fail, I don't see why you would even bother in the first place.
SadandConfusedWA Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 I actually see a lot of things wrong with a "well, just incase" mindset. It's not being realistic, it's being bitter. If you go into a relationship thinking it's more than likely going to fail, I don't see why you would even bother in the first place. Most relationships end, even the ones that end up in marriage. If you start a relationship with someone, there is an overwhelming probability that it won't last forever. It's just being realistic, not bitter. Thinking that a relationship will last forever is very unrealistic IMO.
Author shadowplay Posted April 24, 2010 Author Posted April 24, 2010 I actually see a lot of things wrong with a "well, just incase" mindset. It's not being realistic, it's being bitter. If you go into a relationship thinking it's more than likely going to fail, I don't see why you would even bother in the first place. I understand what you're getting at, but I think there's a healthy balance of realism and idealism with which one should enter any relationship. There's nothing wrong with protecting yourself in the event that things don't work out, as long as the pros outweigh the cons for you. As I see it, I have little to gain by announcing my relationship status to every minor acquaintance I know, and more to lose if the relationship ends and I have to send them all a status update. Of course I wouldn't mind telling people in real life about my relationship, but that's a trade-off that makes more sense to me.
runner Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 i suppose it can be stupid if someone just wanted to brag in and of itself. but in my case, there are no such unimportant/public people on my facebook, so i don't feel the need to hide the fact that i'm in a happy and committed relationship; or likewise, the fact that it didn't work out if i had to remove the status. my family and friends would be very supportive either way. and as an aside, i don't think facebook should be taken too seiously to begin with. its a tool to connect, and that's all it is and ever will be.
Author shadowplay Posted April 24, 2010 Author Posted April 24, 2010 (edited) and as an aside, i don't think facebook should be taken too seiously to begin with. its a tool to connect, and that's all it is and ever will be. I agree with this, and this is actually why I feel like relationship drama and breakups should stay off of it, because there's something ridiculous and inappropriate about getting a status update in your newsfeed when a relationship ends. Edited April 24, 2010 by shadowplay
runner Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 I agree with this, and this is actually why I feel like relationship drama and breakups should stay off of it, because there's something ridiculous and inappropriate feeling about getting a status update in your newsfeed when a relationship ends. i thought this feature had been removed with recent updates, but i could be wrong.
SadandConfusedWA Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 i thought this feature had been removed with recent updates, but i could be wrong. Yeah, I didn't get any relationship endings in my newsfeed in a while.
Citizen Erased Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 Most relationships end, even the ones that end up in marriage. If you start a relationship with someone, there is an overwhelming probability that it won't last forever. It's just being realistic, not bitter. Thinking that a relationship will last forever is very unrealistic IMO. Point taken. I too haven't seen any relationship changes in awhile...thought thins were just going well for people.
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