tkgirl Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 This 'friends' stuff that women like to pull is a huge hot button for pretty much every guy. We've all been burned by women who want to be 'friends'. The problem is that it can mean so many different things to different women, but usually it ends up in the guy getting hurt. My suggestion is that women eradicate the word 'friend' when it comes to men. Either date them or ignore them. Men and women shouldn't be 'friends'. hmmm.. maybe it's the equivalent of guys leading girls on... pretending they want to be in a relationship when all they really want is sex? just a thought... and the part about "men and women shouldn't be friends" is just sad... I sincerely think the OP does want to be friends with this guy.. having been through something similar recently... unfortunately once one person starts to feel more than the other person then yeah, it's pretty hard to maintain a friendship... not that they "shouldn't" but rather they "can't".
Left in a Lurch Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 yeah I wanted to give it one crack and see...a movie is hardly a commitment! I would like to hang out with him, go and do things, not that I can't with other people, he's just a cool person - if it's possible by him. Not saying it's a commitment, it's just a strong indicator to him to that he had a good chance. Think about if a guy you really liked took you to a movie, you'd have a lot of hope too. That being said, if he told you after that he did not want to date you, it'd be pretty hard for you to hang out with him because you'd always have that hope and think you might change his mind. Then when he wants you to meet his new girlfriend that would be a pretty painful night. I personally don't think you can ever really be friends in a situation like that because the other person will always be hanging out with you under the guise of finding a way to make you interested in them and will always go home frustrated.
Author bolase Posted April 26, 2010 Author Posted April 26, 2010 I think by "jumping the gun" she means that she may be being presumptuous--assuming he has interest in her beyond friendship, etc. I would say something like that in order to diffuse any possible embarrassment. yeah exactly! It is possible he was just feeling me out. He wasnt at all physical on the date, it was just my impression from the past, and our general banter that he was interested but not intensely or all that noticeably. I'm not dumb enough to think he was JUST into friendship but. I wrote, in case this helps anyone: Hey. maybe i'm jumping a gun here, still I want to tell you that as well as being snowed under, I like hanging out with you but there wont be anything more there for me. If I read that wrong I'm sorry!
Yamaha Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 I would like to hang out with him, go and do things, not that I can't with other people, he's just a cool person - if it's possible by him. My advice is to find a guy who likes to fish, dive AND to whom your attracted too. That way you'll both be happy.
Author bolase Posted April 26, 2010 Author Posted April 26, 2010 and for anyone in the same position...that text went down fine, he said yep I had read him right so thanks for clarifying. ladies and gentlement lesson learned!
xRJ85x Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 Wow guys. that is really harsh. I'm not being a bitch, I've been out with him to a movie to see how I felt and know Im not attracted. Not my fault. What I was looking for advice on was not whether to date him or not, it was HOW to express myself. Not text back AT ALL? Text back next time he brings up dinner and say...what IS th right thing to say? From guys in his position, yes I'll tell him, but what. I think he's cool, we share interests like fishing and diving, I could get a hell of a lot of fun from a friendship with him hence my holding back on "I don't want to meet you again" ? Just tell him "I think you're a good friend that's fun to be with, but I'm not sexually attracted to you." That's the truth, isn't it? And another reason you guys should stop seeing each other is A) He'll never recover from those feelings and B) Maybe you'll realize you miss him more than you think and you'll rethink your situation. The only way it can work is if the uninterested person tells the interested person that there will never be romantic feelings for them. Then it can work, but it would be tough. In a Long Distance Relationship it would be easier. If you see them in your everyday life, I'd imagine it would sting something awful. Nah, I can tell you it doesn't work long distance either. It just hurts in a different way. Maybe things are OK, but that's until the girl gets a bf and the other friend hears about it. That's what sets off a nuclear bomb in their gut. after reading the "I'm really busy game" thread that seems to be the main and understandable alternative, its euphemistic but does that hurt less? Thats what ive done up until now, because it's true, i'm trying to finish a thesis, but also of course if he sparked me up big time I would try to make room. So my question is - is that a softer and preferable way for a girl to tell you that shes not interested? You get to be the rejector? Anyway, I'm sending this text and hope for the best, worth trying the honest approach. No, not at all. This is exactly what I'm going through right now. I know for a fact the girl is busy, so instead of thinking of the "I'm too busy for you" signals as "I'm not interested in you," I think of them as "I'm too busy for you for the situation we're in, but maybe I'll think about it more when my stress is over." Especially because it's long distance, and most of all because her past actions were completely opposite. My friends think I'm making up excuses for her. So no, if you're only going to use that as an excuse, you obviously A) Will keep him clinging onto hope and B)Really don't have as much fun with him as you say or C) Think you feel one way, but would actually feel another if you weren't as busy.
tigressA Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 and for anyone in the same position...that text went down fine, he said yep I had read him right so thanks for clarifying. ladies and gentlement lesson learned! Good that it went well, and good for you for being direct and ending it.
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