andreautick Posted January 20, 2004 Posted January 20, 2004 I met Sean online not too long ago. He's from my hometown, which is only 2 hours away, and I spent the whole 5 week Christmas break with him. He's the most perfect guy I could ever dream up, and completely real. He's let me into every area of his life, and I have no doubt that he is The One. The things I want the most out of life are marriage and kids, and he feels the same. Honestly, at this point, it feels wierd ot call him a boyfriend because I think of him as much more because I know we're going to get married. He feels the same and he has told me he is going to ask me to marry him. I'll say yes, no doubt. I think he's going to do it some time this semester. Now, I have no doubts, and I am a balanced person as far as logic and thinking with my heart. But I just wanted to check--am I crazy? Is he crazy? It's just so wonderful and everything I've ever wanted, I wanted an outside double check. THANKS!
Author andreautick Posted January 20, 2004 Author Posted January 20, 2004 Also, He's met all of my family (he is not close to his family, and they don't live in town, so I have not met them, I've met all his coworkers and friends). My family loves him, in fact, he's pretty much treated like part of the family now. He even goes and visits my parents (who I am very, very close to) when I'm not even there. Their opinion is that yes, it's fast, but it feels totally natural to them too. They are very, very happy about the whole thing.
moimeme Posted January 20, 2004 Posted January 20, 2004 Oh, andreautick. I've been there. Trust me on this, you have NOT spent enough time with this person to decide to marry him. Yes, you will by now have seen, and fallen for, all his good points. Trouble is, he also has bad points and between the first flush of infatuation, confirmation bias, and oxytocin, you're not in a position to see or assess them. If you do get engaged, make it a LONG engagement. Know him for another few months and then, if you still feel the same, move in with him. If you can survive a year in the same house and still feel exactly the way you do now, then marry. This board is littered with the corpses of relationships that started out EXACTLY like yours and crashed and burned as time's magnifying glass exposed problems and issues that turned out to be deal-breakers. Every single one of us thinks we've found heaven and no other human could possibly understand how perfect the relationship is. Every single one of the 5,555 members of this site has likely thought exactly the same thing at one point or other.
doniker Posted January 20, 2004 Posted January 20, 2004 25 years ago my uncle met a woman. 5 days later they got married. They are still together and very happy.
moimeme Posted January 20, 2004 Posted January 20, 2004 Yes. It does happen and it can happen - IF all your glowy feelings happen to have landed on someone who is actually compatible. We fall in love equally powerfully with people who are all wrong for us as we do those who are perfectly matched. The smart thing to do is figure out which sort you've fallen for - this time - BEFORE you end up stuck in a marriage with the wrong one.
Author andreautick Posted January 20, 2004 Author Posted January 20, 2004 Well, I feel like that Uncle story describes Sean and I. We are totally compatible, it's like he's the male version of Me. It's a little spooky, all the similarities. We're both very rare sorts of people anyway. I've been with enough people who are wrong with me to know what it's like. It's not infatuation either, but I know what you're talking about moimeme.
SoleMate Posted January 20, 2004 Posted January 20, 2004 Do what Moimeme said. There was something about your gushing that just made me go, "Oh, no....." If he's that fantastic you'll be even crazier for him 9-12 months from now. Good luck!
AprilFool Posted January 20, 2004 Posted January 20, 2004 I didn't know my husband very long before I married him....so...DON'T DO IT!!! Get to know someone and accept them BEFORE you marry them. Just ask moimeme...we have a LOT of problems that may have been avoided had we gotten to know each other better. However, we are very in love, but I keep loveshack in business with my problem-posts. Good luck! P.S. Even though I have a lot of problems that loveshack hears about, I have a lot of wonderful times that I don't post about...I only vent about bad things. My life is a LOT happier now that I'm married than it was before I got married... Really, if I had it to do over, I'd still marry him the same way and at the same time....and you don't know someone until you marry them (I had a friend who lived with her boyfriend for 3 years before she married him, and she said she didn't find out his flaws until she said I do). So I guess it's up to you....no advice will be good advice....marriage is really a hit or miss situation some people marry people who have other wives already, or who cheat on them after they've been married 10 years...so....who knows...
Author andreautick Posted January 20, 2004 Author Posted January 20, 2004 Yeah, Well, I believe in a long engagement, so that isn'tthe issue. I have to finish school too. He has a son from his first marriage, and so we can't take the situation lightly because his son, who is also wonderful, will be affected. All the guys I have dated, I pretty much knew how things would be from the start. I signed up because it was always better than nothing, and I knew I'd learn a lot. But, i always knew that the guy wasn't the guy for me. I knew we weren't compatible. I haven't even had to think about it this time, to doubt it would feel more foolish.
Thinkalot Posted January 21, 2004 Posted January 21, 2004 Well, then at the very least I believe a long engagement is a good idea. I am glad you are happy.
wiseOLDman Posted January 21, 2004 Posted January 21, 2004 Originally posted by andreautick Yeah, Well, I believe in a long engagement, so that isn'tthe issue. That's your ticket andreautick. I had only known my wife for 6 weeks when I proposed and she accepted. But we did have a 1-year engagement. Into year 19 now. It can happen. Also, we were 25 when married and both established in our careers.
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