teanoranges Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 I don't understand why heartbreak is such a necessity in life? Are we supposed to feel this or are we supposed to learn to overcome? I miss him. I loved him. The mere fact of knowing its time to move on and leave him behind, just taking him as some kind of life lesson, is soooo ... I don't even know the word for it. I thought we were so wonderful and I thought everything would be okay through any hardship, etc. I know life will get better and I'll even find someone else who is more amazing, but why this? why now? why like this? I just want to hold him. I wish I could talk to him.. just have him in my life. But NC continues... going on 6 months... 6 months. I can't believe he is gone. Bad relapse, eh?
Author teanoranges Posted April 24, 2010 Author Posted April 24, 2010 I've survived the *worst of the relapse *hope that it was the worst ... kind of sad that I had no support last night. Must be a sign that healing will have to take place away from LS. oh well.. it was helpful before. Goodbye.
kyta Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 hello, yes ls isnt like it was a few yrs back, relapes are part of learning i think, i have them, and had them, i just dont seem to learn from them, we cant help the way we feel, and only time heals if we let ourselves heal, but we all do heal eventully, relapes get fewer as time goes on.
EthanH Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 I will speak to you about it if you want. Of course you are going to miss him. It almost shows how much you liked him. He will still miss you also. Even someone who is cheated on misses how they were with their ex in the past. Don't blame yourself. I know even when I'm with someone in the future, even if i get married to someone, I'm still going to miss my ex on occasions... it was special.
hopesndreams Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 Congrats on 6 months NC. I'm at 45 days LC, he still emails me, I read them but don't answer, and never will again. It's tough, very tough but you did it. I wish to not read his emails to me but am weak and stupid. What's the point of heartbreak? It can toughen you up, make you stronger, etc, etc, a whole bunch of good things. It hurts so much!!! I would be fully healed now if I went NC. Instead, 14 months after break-up, he living his happy new life with the woman he replaced me with, and me, living a life of solitude not knowing if I will ever love again, SUX! But, there are good days and bad and I am just thankful it is no longer gut wrenching and can function. It's now just an overwhelming sadness at times, out of the blue and I can shake it, so can you.
Always A Lesson Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 It was 1:00am, and I had dropped off my son, on the way back nothing but loves songs were playing. One in particular, Frankie Beverly & Maize....I can't get over you. When this played 6 months ago, in the car I sobbed !! Couldn't get through the song, I felt sorry for myself... but it played last night, and I sang along to it, eyes didn't even get moist.....I take this as victory---healing. When XMM crosses my mind now, I have a built-in immediate response in my head ,that says "who cares what he thinks" Oh God ..how this has helped me. Back to the song...listening to the words, I felt numb.... I'm in a strange place, I had hurt so much, I feel ... not sure. I feel much stronger.....but also kinda dead...I look at life differently.... Everyone tells me I deserve so much more, and better things are coming, I kinda of live with that in mind, it keeps me going... Anticipating it... good things coming... I think I'm getting to the point of indifference. My fear is if I run into him, face-to-face ....it'll make me sic. ..UUhgg.
Always A Lesson Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 There's something I'm trying to get past and having a problem with. ...probably belongs on a different thread, but anyway. Guess they call it thread-jacking??? SORRY! I'm finally able to go out and about in public. Regained my confidence instead of staying in and feeling sorry for myself, which is good. But, when I'm out and see different women that fit the description of XMM's wife, (never seen her before ), I know what he likes... I get depressed. I'm always thinking.. is that her, it has become stressful...and takes a toll on me... I know I shouldn't care... It happened in the nail shop yesterday. A woman came in she fit the description of the kind of woman he likes...her cell rang, I started thinking is this her??? could it be him on the phone????? I know sounds crazy. (my city is very,very small) Well, when she didn't answer cause her nails were wet, around 10 minutes later some good looking guy walked in and talked to her. I sensed it was her husband or bf, anyways, I felt a sense of relief..... i know sounds sic... I've gotta get past this... come so far in my healing. It's starting to interfere with my healing... My other fear is , if I run into them both maybe out eating...uggg
You Go Girl Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 You remolded yourself to fit this person you have lost. Now you have a mold that fits someone who isn't around. Time for a new remolding, one that is just YOU--no more molding yourself to fit someone else. To thine own self be true.
Author teanoranges Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 Thanks you guys... all of these wonderful posts, and a day or two away, really cleared my head! I seriously thought I was over the relapses, but at least they are farther apart. Always a Lesson- I have a fear of face-to-face too.. I keep thinking it'll be fine and I'll realize that he's not the type of person I thought... but then I get scared that he won't feel a thing... but that shouldn't matter, right!? Its tough to learn from them, but I am. I am definitely not comparing myself to his new girl anymore... yay! but jeez, 6 months NC and 10 months broken up... you'd think I'd be over it!! I wonder why everyone has to go through a heartbreak, and I wonder why so many people are single now-a-days... its like every person I meet (even 20-30 years older) turns out to be single... maybe we as a species are starting to not pick mates...? I don't know. I hope you all have great luck with finding peace inside, because everyone here deserves it. You are all extending your hearts to people you don't know, sharing this pain we are all feeling... thank you.
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