I want to kiss him, but I know its wrong.

[tisi04]

Ok, so here is my problem. I have been married for 2 years, but we have been together for 7 years. My co-worker is really good friends with this guy, who is very handsome, we will call him “Jack”. About 6 or 7 months ago, I was in a low place with my marriage. I felt like I was being ignored, and that everything was more important than me, and he wasn’t willing to work on this issue. Well, I met Jack around the same time. He would come to see us at work. He made me laugh and flirted with me, which made me feel better about myself. I didn’t really talk to him, other than when he came by the store. There is no doubt a physical attraction, but nothing more. One day, our conversation got a little inappropriate, which was wrong I know. Well basically he tried to kiss me, but I can honestly say that nothing happened, I told him no. Well right after that I got transferred to another one of our stores. And I hadn’t seen him in a few months. My husband found out what almost, but didn’t happen, and we worked it out. A few weeks ago, I got transferred back to the original store. And Jack still comes in. He still flirts with me, and still wants to kiss me. I normally laugh it off, but when I am feeling depressed, I almost want to give in. I know its wrong, how do I stop wanting to. In 7 years, I have not wanted to have anything to do with anyone other than my husband. Jack is the only one that I have let get even that close to me. This is driving me insane. Before my husband and I got married, but were together I know that he kissed other women, I found out through his friends. And in the back of my mind, I always fear that he will do it again. Does anyone have any advice for me? Please don’t tell me that I am a bad person and that he deserves better. I have never cheated on anyone in my life, I always was the one who got cheated on. I have never been the “other woman”. I’ve never emotionally cheated on anyone or anything. The whole situation scares me. Someone told me that it was the 7 year itch, if you believe in that sort of thing. Someone Please help me!!

[bentnotbroken]

Tell your H what you said here. Tell him you are tempted and you need his help in maintaining a healthy stable marriage.

[TaraMaiden]

Write a letter to your Husband.

Yup, that's right. A letter.

tell him how you feel. tell him everything you feel is going wrong with your relationship, and tell him you'd like him to consider ways for you both to sit down and discuss what's going wrong, and what you can both do to try to put it right, including counselling, if necessary.

Tell him you really want to make an effort to salvage it, and then, put a time-line on it.

if you both feel, 6 months from now, that the progress is zero, or one-sided, tell him that it might be an idea to review whether staying married is a positive thing.

 

Then sit back and see what he proposes.

work from his input.

Or lack of it.

His actions will speak to you louder than his words ever will.

But please, whatever you do, try to not give in to temptation.

Otherwise you're onto a purler before you even begin.

 

Good Luck.

I wish you well.

[TaraMaiden]

great minds think alike, BnotB!

[hopesndreams]

Before my husband and I got married, but were together I know that he kissed other women, I found out through his friends. And in the back of my mind, I always fear that he will do it again.

 

So, if your H ever does it again you will have someone there to catch you. It isn't Jack you want. It's a plan of someone being there for you when or IF the H gets kissy face with another woman.

 

You are insecure. You seek validation through others.

[jenifer1972]

Well, you mention that this guy Jack is very good looking and it didn't take him long to try to get a married woman to be tempted to cross the line with him.

 

This is classic 'player' behavior' and that is what you should tell yourself to get him out of your mind.

 

He does this with LOTS of women.

[seibert253]

Tell your H what you said here. Tell him you are tempted and you need his help in maintaining a healthy stable marriage.

 

^^^^^^

This

At first he'll be angry, but later he will respect you for being honest BEFORE something happened that you'll regret for the rest of your life.

If he loves you, he will work with you to fix what's broke.

 

I can't give you nothing but the highest praise for asking for help, be it from strangers, BEFORE you crossed the path from which you can never return.

 

Let us know how it turns out.

[jnj express]

Hey tisi----You know very well you need to settle this yourself. No one can control YOUR actions but you. Stop trying to blameshift what your H. did years ago, as a reason for you to mess around with (I won't call him Jack) I will call him slime, cuz that is what he is. YOU BOTH KNOW YOU ARE MARRIED. The very worst slime are those who go after married people, they wreck and ruin lives, and then walk away free, nothing, and I mean nothing happens to them, YOU, YOUR H. AND FAMILY HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE REPERCUSSIONS, AND WRECKAGE OF WHAT SLIME HAS CAUSED YOU TO PARTICIPATE IN.

 

You were not just dropped on this planet, YOU KNOW WHAT THE FALLOUT WILL BE. You also know that a kiss will lead to other things, once it occurs. Those who use drugs, start with maryjane, and end up with heroin, speed, coke and whatever else. It won't end with a single kiss, AND YOU KNOW IT.

 

You wanna mess around with Slime, get a divorce, become single, and do all the messing around you want. I am willing to bet you won't last very long, in that kind of world.

 

What you need to do, and do it very forcefully, and with an icy cold demeanor---is tell slime you are married, and to get the H*LL out of your life, and stay away from you. Question really is, are you sincere enuff about your mge. to do that.

 

THAT IS WHAT REALLY NEEDS TO BE DONE.

[Culthbert]

In the old days, if a man like Jack came on to a married woman, he was just asking for a slap in the face. You really should not tolerate the disrespect he shows you. He is treating you as though you are cheap... and that's not how a man should treat a lady.

 

I agree with the advice that you tell him to get lost and do not allow him to flirt with you. I think that telling your husband about your attraction is also good advice, though I'd advise you to do it gently because it will hurt a little... but if you do it right, it will sting a bit the way that a vaccination shot stings for a bit - and that is essentially what it will be, a way of vaccinating your marriage against involvement with this jerk. And just like a shot that stings for a few minutes is preferable to a long, drawn-out illness, so will this uncomfortable conversation be better than the slippery slope to an affair.

 

Good luck... and know that by seeking help, you are taking action to protect your marriage and your husband's heart, and that's a courageous thing to do.

[Dexter Morgan]

My husband found out what almost, but didn’t happen, and we worked it out. A few weeks ago, I got transferred back to the original store. And Jack still comes in. He still flirts with me, and still wants to kiss me. I normally laugh it off, but when I am feeling depressed, I almost want to give in. I know its wrong, how do I stop wanting to. In 7 years, I have not wanted to have anything to do with anyone other than my husband.

 

you have whats called the 7 year itch, and for you it just happened to actually come after 7 years. Its what happens to people that cannot handle long-term relationships.

 

 

Does anyone have any advice for me?

 

yes, WOMAN UP!!! you are married now. put the silly little schoolgirl crushes away. simple as that.

 

decide for yourself if you are the type of person that can committ and stay faithful, or if you are the kind of person that is tempted too easily.

 

If its the latter, then file for divorce, its not too late. If it is the former, then you need to tell this other guy that his behavior is inappropriate and needs to stop....but I highly doubt you'll do that as you enjoy it too much and you don't want him to go away.

 

Or, tell your husband you want to kiss this guy and almost did.....again...and let him make a decision on how he wants to live his life...with you or without you.