How long do you usually wait to apply the bf/gf "title" to a relationship?

[Arasae]

First off: Yes, I'm impatient. I'm horrible at dating. Always have been. I don't know how I've had as many serious relationships as I have. anyway. Second off: Been dating a guy for three weeks--yes, I realize it's too soon to bring up "that" talk. I get it. I'm just trying to find out how long I have to be patient before stuff either happens, or I cut my losses and walk away.

 

Tangent that can be skipped: Normally, I'd just chill (as I PROBABLY should be doing anyway! ), but he's confusing me. I mentioned a few days ago that another guy asked me out, and I'd turned him down by telling the guy that the guy I was seeing probably wouldn't like it.

 

So my guy asked if the reason was that I didn't think he'd like it, or because I didn't want to/wasn't interested.. And I said it was the former more than the latter, mainly because I didn't want him to think that I was using him conveniently to get out of going out with someone I wouldn't otherwise be interested in. He told me that, if I wanted to go out with someone else, I should (but let him know first), because that would mean I was interested in them.. Yeah. That confused me, wasn't at all what I was expecting. He doesn't know me--when I get interested in someone, legitimately interested, other guys as love interests pretty much don't even exist for me.

 

So, I told him my rule, that if he wants to go out with another chick he's welcome to, but if he touches them, not to touch me again (because I don't want an std!), and his response was that if he did plan on going out with another girl, he'd talk to me about it long before it happened.

 

So I'm confused. This feels very much like a contradiction.

 

Anyway, those two "offs" and my tangent aside, how long do you usually wait to bring up the "talk" for that title? Girls, should you bring it up, or just wait for him to bring it up? How long do you wait if he never does? Guys, do you prefer the girl to bring it up, or do you want to make that decision?

[blondie1981]

I always need to know where I stand... so if I think its going somewhere I will ask, whats the worst that can happen... if he says hes not sure and he is still seeing other people, to me that says that he is keeping his options open.. which means I am not what he wants. If you like someone you like someone and you dont want to see anyone else... or i dont know this is how I am. I dont think there is ever a set time to bring this up, it depends on a lot of thins...when you are just having a conversation just bring it up randomly ...

[USMCHokie]

For me, it actually came up about a month or so into dating...while I was at the grocery store with my ex buying stuff for a long road trip...some older retired veteran came up to us and started talking...then he asked if she was my girlfriend...I replied with a blank stare while she was standing next to me...I might have uttered an 'uh...' But on the car ride home from the store, we had the discussion and became official...

[ADF]

Sooner rather than later.

 

Frankly, I am suspicious of people who resist labels. I won't presume to speak for women, but I know for a fact when men resist labels, it is almost always because they are hoping to get a FWB rather than a GF. Many men--I want to say most men--prefer FWB to having a GF anyway. In a FWB, the guys get all the benefits of having a GF--affection, sex, companionship--but with no strings. FWB is the ultimate have-my-cake-and-eat-it-too situation as far as guys are concerned. They will often try for a FWB if they can get it, and only settle for having a GF if they can't.

 

When women resist labels, it always makes me wonder what they are hiding. Do they have a BF I don't know about? Am I just her back up plan in case the guy she likes better isn't interested?

[Arasae]

Hmm. I don't know that he's resistant to it.. It feels like we're kind of dancing around it, but I don't want to be the one to bring it up. =( The next day, I texted him that his bed was comfy (he'd had to leave to go to work), and he texted back saying that he liked the idea of me in his room and bed alone, that it gave him a sense of "possessiveness" (feminists, shhh, I like this stuff)..

 

I don't know. Bah. It was his idea to shut down our dating profiles on the website where we met--he didn't ask me to, just said he was going to tell the ladies there he was talking to goodbye and close the account. Is that a decent indication, or does that mean nothing?

[spiderowl]

The decision is made when you both feel comfortable about it. I'm sure it will happen because if you want to be exclusive with someone then you (or he) will say something inadvertently, which will lead the other to say something more, and so on ... If people feel this way, they can't keep it under wraps for ever because they will start talking like they are in a couple, even if it's not explicitly said. Also, they will start introducing their partner to others and making a point of including them in the social circle in an obvious way.

 

But, beware, words mean nothing unless actions follow the words.

[Full Moon]

I've only been in two long term relationships. My first one was right out of high school and that relationship never should have happened. I blame my youth. Anyway, I pretty much asked him when we were going to make it official after 3 months of dating. He asked me to be his GF a minute later. Lame.

 

Fast forward four years. My last BF asked me to be his GF two months after dating. I wanted to be his woman so bad but I hesistated the first time he asked b/c giving my love to someone is just so damn risky. He dropped the subject after my hemming and hawing. He waited another month to ask me again. I was dying for him to do so! When he finally did, I acted cool and composed and he began asking, "Are you going to claim me or not?" It was so cute and I accepted.

 

My track record shows that I don't "official" began having a BF until after 3 months of dating. Circumstances differ from relationship to relationship but I wouldn't ask a guy when/if he wants to make it official (again). I want him to know for sure that he wants to be with me, exclusively; you know, making that decision all on his own.