mixed signals!

[hater13]

Ok so my ex broke up with me approx. 3 weeks ago, it'll be 4 weeks on wednesday. We were together for 4.5 months, the last month of out relationship consisted of a lot of fights (nothing serious) they were all very stupid to tell the truth. my ex bf is VERY sensitive though, and he took all of these fights to heart. I must admit when i'm angry i say things that i don't mean, and i know that my anger got the best of me in a lot of these situations. I did almost break up with him during that month, but after him asking numerous times if i was SURE i took it back, realizing i said it out of anger. he took this VERY hard, and i don't think things were the same after that moment. I asked for a break approx a week later because i didn't see things getting any better. I thought that if i took a break i would better be able to appreciate him and do some self analysis and realize what I was doing wrong in this relationship (get time to realize how precious our relationship was- and getting angry over stupid things was useless). my ex refused and i just can't say no to him so i agreed to stay together.

so fast forward 2 weeks, i meet him for the final time before the break up (we're SEMI long distance-but because we're both in uni it's hard to meet so often), i cried while we met and i think this lead him to believe that I was upset with the way our relationship was going. he was sad as well especially during the last 2 weeks.

After another argument, i ignored him for a day. i think the ignoring def put him over the edge because it was then that he broke up with me (after i called him). During this phone call (yes he broke up with me over the phone!!) he said he wanted to be just friends, "good friends" "close friends". i told him i don't want to be friends with him and he brought up our mutual friend, the guy that introduced us and said then why are you friends with him. after i said "bye forever" he INSISTED i continue talking to him and we stay friends.

since i'm a weakling i still contacted him the next day but said once again i don't think i can move on if we're still talking..and once again he texted back saying "nooo". i told him i wanted my things back (these are sweatshirts from the uni i go to- so i don't understand what he could possibly do with them) he refused and said he wanted them, i gave in and said he could keep then and was HAPPY about this. we continued to talk for a week, in which i constantly reminded him that what we had was special and we could make it work, he refused. i told him "will we ever get back together" and his response was "i don't know". i asked him if he still loved me and he said "yes" BUT felt differently and didn't love me enough to go back (mind you this is when i was STILL talking to him- i should have went NC right away).

so it's been 2 weeks of NC and he still hasn't deleted me on facebook or msn. he started making fb comments on girls pictures (similar to those he left on my profile while he was still getting the courage to officially ask me out). and now his wrote on his msn name "i love you ___" this girl who is his childhood friend who he reconnected with before we were even together. i know he doesn't really love this girl OBVIOUSLY and that he's just doing this to rattle me. i just find this all so immature, the way he is dealing with this is rather pathetic.

i contacted him again recently (he told me to reconnect with him when i was ready) it was an awkward msn convo about the penguins game LOL and exams. i do not think he is quite ready for friendship yet to tell the truth, and that he is def not over me. i get the feeling it's going to take him much longer then it has taken me ( i already feel MUCH BETTER)

my friends tell me they still get the feeling we'll get back, but seriously i'm not keeping my hopes up for that. he said himself "if we're meant to be together- it'll happen by itself eventually".

 

so that's my LONG story. tell me what you think? any chances of reconciliation? i don't plan on contacting him again btw.

 

-also he said it would only take me "less then a month" to get over him and i asked "what about you" he said "i'll be fine". is it bad that i find some sick pleasure in the fact that this is affecting him more then me?

[hater13]

oh, and i think i should add my ex said he "wanted to be alone- he "deserved" to be alone" which is a very confusing statement!

 

also he was VERY commited to me. i never spoke of future plans it was him who initiated that. he even spoke of marriage because according to him i was exactly what he wanted in a wife. he showered me with love and affection (until he started getting sad in the final weeks before our break up) but even then he would tell me he loves me and force me to eat (i had been eating less due to being sad). many times he would not even eat UNTIL i did!!

so i don't understand how someone just turns around the next day and no longer loves you :S or "feels the same"

[EthanH]

ok,

 

phew, it is heady stuff. I can empathise with you. I'm in the same situation.

 

First and foremost, you need to stop what he is thinking. At the moment, it is unimportant. Stop reading into what he writes on his fb, his msn name etc etc etc, just stop it, you need to realise that you need to cut that out of your life atm. Go to your mini-feed on fb and where he has an update on it, go to the right and click, 'remove'... I think it is, you need to remove the fact that whenever you go on, you will see his updates. And then, STOP looking at his profile. Put him in a new friends category (group) on msn, minimise the group, and don't look at his name etc etc etc, if he wants to contact you, he can.

 

The main thing I get from your situation, is, despite what you say about him, you are both behaving very immaturely about things. You both, at different times, didn't/don't know what you want. You both reacted to the actions of each other, rather than how you honestly feel. You have been playing games, and when you play games, you both end up doing stuff which you wouldn't rationally do. I know so many couples who both wanted to be together, but broke up based on their false view of the others feelings.

 

You are a confused mess of emotions. You say you have moved on well and feel happier, but you are still on this site, asking if there is a chance of you getting back with him. It's totally contradictory to how you really feel. STOP pretending. Start being honest with yourself. STOP suggesting to him you are getting on fine. The problem you have, is that because you haven't been true with him, with regards to your thoughts, you can't be sure he is doing the same, and thus, it is impossible to work out anything based on what has happened. If you want something with him, you need to arrange to speak to him, not on msn, face to face, and start to treat each other properly, speak to each other and be honest, cut out the front, cut out the false impressions.

 

Also, you have to accept that there is a chance he started to move away from you well before he broke up. To be honest, I don't blame him, it seems like he must have started the 'stress' of the relationship was more prominent in his mind than why he wanted to be with you. Almost like he has forgotten why he is fighting to be with you, and tbh, it's not surprising. Don't waste time thinking about how long it will take to get over each other (another thing which, with respect sounds really immature)... I mean, how can you seriously predict that?

 

If I'm really bluntly honest, you don't seem mature enough to be in a relationship which would work...you are all over the place, saying you are happy but still getting caught up in his online updates...but if you want to try, then speak to him, and tell him that you have to be honest with each other. You will be surprised how much it will help, how uplifting it will be, the simple fact that both of you know the other is trying to be truthful and open.

[hater13]

thank you very much

yes, I've told my friends to change my facebook password. They are not going to tell me what the password is UNTIL they see that I am completely over this. I do admit I'm not over it quite yet, but I do see an improvement in myself everyday.

I think our relationship would have worked out a lot better if we were both older (we are both 19). This was mine and his first serious relationship.

 

I did suggest to him a week after we broke up that I come meet him, and he said that he didn't think it was a good idea (it was the day of his birthday) and he would be drinking a lot (i do not drink). I don't know, I get the feeling that he is just afraid to meet me in person because it will make him go back on his decision.

 

When I was telling him that we could make it work he insisted that he was "anti- relationship". I realize that I can contact him again to meet, but to tell the truth I'm tired of "chasing" him, with no end result.

 

It's up to him, I know he regrets this. I even told him the day of the break-up that he would regret his decision and he agreed...but his pride and stubborness is getting in the way.

 

Do you think I should still speak to him in person?

[2sunny]

eliminate him from facebook and your msn so you can heal and move forward.

 

he wants to take up that space in your head so that you don't have the room to find someone else. is that what you want? if not, cut him out.

[hater13]

yea, I was considering doing that. I just don't understand why he wouldn't just delete me.

 

He had this folder of pictures of us and email's, basically memories of our relationship. He told me (the week after our break up) then he had deleted it. So I texted him telling me I deleted his folder and well and put all his things away. He responded by telling me he didn't really my folder, but he was glad that I had deleted it. He then texted "i'm glad you got over it so fast"....I just don't understand this guy.

 

He later told me he had deleted my file AFTER I told him I did.

[hater13]

also during our last phone conversation, I asked my ex if he had at least learned something from our relationship. Afterall, we all live and learn right? He stated that he learned that relationships suck- and being single was amazing, you have no one to make you sad.

 

My ex not only frustrates me BUT at the same time I still care for him...I don't know if I still love him though. I'm the kind of person that forgives and forgets very easily. My ex on the other hand never forgot things I may have said out of anger. Even though I barely remember half of the things he may of said to me, that did hurt me.

 

His inability to let go of the past, my short temper, and him being overly sensitive all lead to the demise of our relationship.

 

My ex boyfriend was EXTREMELY sensitive, to the point that even small fights would make him burst out into tears and leave him unable to focus on studying for finals, or even eat.

 

I just got tired of being "the man" in the relationship. After fights I would always be the one trying to figure out why the fight had occured, or trying to speak of it and fix it. My ex always talked about how his worst fear was me eventually leaving him...I guess it turned out to be the other way.

 

His statement regarding the fact that it would only take me less then a month to get over him leads me to believe that he never realized how much I really do love him.

 

Maybe I should be posting this on the break up forum? Sorry guys

I'll keep you posted. See if he contacts me again, he stated that he wouldn't contact me until school started again, as he's going on vacation to "feel better" and recover.

[EthanH]

if I could just add, I don't think his statement about how long it would take to get over you was anything apart from him trying to put up a front. It sounds like the kind of thing someone says when they feel emotional about things. I get the impression that a lot of what is he is saying is really bitter, but for someone to be bitter there have to be strong feelings still there. People try and take control back, or at least suggest that, and so for him to say things like, 'things are so much better'... i just think you need to ask yourself why someone would say something like that, if he was truly contented, he wouldn't even mention it, because in a way, he would feel guilty knowing he was getting on fine while you clearly aren't. He is saying stuff to have an impact on you.

[hater13]

I agree. He is putting on a front, that I know for sure. I asked him how he was doing during our last conversation (over the phone) and he said that he would be fine and that he was 'happy' now. If he was truly happy why would he need to tell me?

 

Sometimes I think he's just testing me to see if I'll move on first so that he can. To tell the truth I'm not planning on being in any serious relationships for a while now. I know that if I jump into a relationship now I'd only end up hurting the other person and myself which isn't fair.

 

If we were together at different point in our lives (we were a bit older and more mature) I think things would have ended a lot differently then they did. I've worked on my short fuse, even my family has noticed a change in me.

 

Me ex texted me before saying that he hoped the next guy I dated wouldn't have to go through the same things he did (being very sad). My reply was if he really loved me and was meant to be with me even then he wouldn't leave. My ex's reply was 'i'm glad you realize now that I'm not the one'. I just get the vibe that it bothers him that I've come to that conclusion.

 

All couples fight, it's the way you resolve these fights and deal with them that matters.

 

As for reconciliation? That's up to him. If it happens it'll be months away and by then I don't even know if going back will be worth it. I hate to sound cocky of anything but I know I had a huge impact on my ex's life. He knows many females and has many female friends but he just found something different about me (his words).

 

Thanks for all the help Ethan if you want we can talk on msn. Just tell me your email id you have yet to tell me about your break up

[EthanH]

it is [email protected]

[EthanH]

hater, do you want to talk about things?