shadowplay Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 Aside from the first few days post breakup (16 days ago), this has been one of the worst days. I think what happened is he got my hopes up yesterday that he would give me another chance, then dashed them. I'm so scared, guys. I'm scared of never getting over this, of this becoming some sort of irrevocable downward spiral, of falling into an abyss of loneliness and depression. More than anything I'm afraid that I'll put in my all to get better, move on, and yet my brain won't let me. I'm trying to do full NC, but I'm afraid that will be even worse for me. Maybe the only thing keeping me in an OK place the last few days was the limited contact I was able to retain from him. Without that, there's this abyss of loneliness/emptiness awaiting me. What's making it particularly hard is he's literally the only person I know where I live because I'm so shy. Making friends is something I've struggled with for years. When I lost him, I lost my best friend. I'm scared that I'll never find another guy who I feel so close to, who I connect with on such a deep level. I'm not a typical person. I'm odd in a lot of ways that may put others off, and I tend to think about things differently. How will I ever find another person like me? He was the only one. I'm scared that I'll be one of those rare people who CAN'T get over somebody. Who years later is still obsessed. More than anything I want to move on. Why won't my brain let me? It hurts so bad.
skydiveaddict Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 Dont be scared shadow. you will get over him and find someone even better. These fears you have are normal trauma from your break up. Trust me I had those same fears and so does everyone else who goes thru this. You will be ok.
yume Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 He was the only one. Honey, there's nearly 7 billion people in the world. I'm not saying your next boyfriend is living in India, but don't lose hope so easily. There are LOTS of guys out there. Don't even worry about whether or not you'll have another boyfriend again right now. That very thought is hurting you and your recovery... Just take it one day at a time. Some days are harder than others, but as long as you don't contact him, feel free to cry and scream and post here all you want. I would also suggest stopping yourself from thinking about it if you start. Just say to yourself "stop, I'm not thinking about this right now" and focus your attention on something else. It helps.
SadKitty78 Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 He was the only one. It hurts so bad. Shadow, this is normal! Everyone on the breakup/coping forums is feeling this way. But you saying "He was the only one", well that is "black and white" thinking. I know you know this. It's like saying there will NEVER be anyone else. And we all know, including you, deep down, that that is NOT true. I am 11 days post breakup, and what has helped me is acceptance, acceptance that the relationship is OVER, accepting the feelings I am feeling, and accepting that I will move on NC (to the best of my abilities) and not judge myself if I do relapse... Stay strong!
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