Collided Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 An In-Law Situation:First, let me begin by saying I harbor no ill will toward his family. That said I will begin by stating the situation at hand. My husband and I planned a cousin in-law get together. It is composed of 2 women who are his cousins and two men one of which is his cousin and brother to one of the women, the other the boyfriend of the same woman. Most of the day goes well. Drinking is involved between the men. However, after 9 in the evening the 2 women and the boyfriend leave because it is late. The male cousin, who I will dubbed his name as Joe was welcomed to stay for the weekend. These were plans made just before the get together. I was fine with that. I don't know long it was exactly before all hell broke loose. It was in the garage while my husband, Joe, and a next door neighbor were playing beer pong that a one of kind figurine had been broken. I asked how had it broken the response from the 2 grown men was "I don't know" Joe's response was "it must have happened by itself". At this point I was fuming. :mad:I went inside to gather myself when I over heard the finger pointing in the garage. Then Joe said man why are you going to call me out like that. I burst back in and started yelling. Bottom line was that he didn't do it but he lied to me about when I had asked because he knew exactly who had done it. My husband was the culprit. I knew I was going to deal with my husband's lying later but I was furious that I was lied to by someone I welcomed into my home. Joe called his to see if she would come back to get him. He had the nerve to act like he didn't do anything wrong and said something along the lines like I'm leaving. I said then leave. It is unfortunate that was the only thing his sister overhears as I recently found out. My husband stops messing with the figurine long enough to yell at me to go back inside. My husband I argue ferociously to a heartbreaking end. Joe never gets picked up that evening. In the morning, my husband says he wants to take back by himself I said no because we had already decided to take him back together. I also apologized to Joe for my behavior. That he is still welcome into our home, but that there can be no alcohol involved. My husband was upset I said no and he decided to ignore me on the drive there. We drop off Joe, I give him a hug farewell. On the drive back my husband ask me why Joe wasn't allowed back. I was puzzled then I asked him to explain his remark. Apparently Joe had twisted the truth about what I said. I was furious. I called Joe and demanded an explanation. That day I found out what kind of person Joe really was. It's no wonder that he is 25 living out of his van, not holding a job always "looking", mooching of family members and alone. In his way of being petty he removed me of his friends' list on facebook for asking about some pictures he took while he was here. So I asked my husband to ask for them on the cell, my husband texted to him with tiptoeing words as to not get HIS feeling upset. In some text back he disrespects me by telling my husband "your chick is on a different level.", that why did he marry me if I'm going to act like a mom. Joe's told my husband that what my husband did was no big deal. I told my husband to stand up for me. He only accepted responsibility for that evening but didn't say anything to his cousin about his disrespect for me then and his choice of words from the text. I felt that my husband was indifferent about the situation. We argued harshly about it. No resolution has come from it. The problem came when I wasn't able to talk to "Linda", Joe's sister. I thought we hit it off well that evening and my 1st impression of her was that she was an open person. I was curious. So I asked. As it turned out, yes she was ignoring me because to story she got was very different. She wasn't as open as I thought. I tried talking to Linda about it, but that is her brother and is believing his word. Now my husband's sister is going to stay with us for a week in May. On her facebook she suggested a cousin get together. I don't think she has heard about the situation yet but I could be wrong. My husband and I will have been married 2 years this July. This is my first time ever talking to her and meeting her but she also wants to spend time with the cousins. I really don't know what to do about the whole situation. :confused:What do I do about Joe and Linda? Does it sound like my husband is more loyal to his family than to me? Does it sound like my husband is not showing me respect? Am I wrong for asking him to stand up for me after I stood up for myself? Should I bring up what Joe did and why Linda doesn't want to talk to me to his sister? I need some advice if any of you had a similar situation.
Template Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 Wooo... slow it down a little girl. I can tell you are still made, and the lack of punctuation, and some words, made this a little difficult to read. However, to summarize, Joe lied, and you felt that your husband should have got your back correct? First things first. Joe is a douche. At the age of 25, we all know the difference between right and wrong. Personally if I was Joe, I not only would have admitted it, but would have also have tried to rectified it - offer to pay for it, or try to find a similar piece somewhere. Hiding and trying to shift blame is the work of a petulent 5 year old, not a grown man. Adults take responsibility for their actions. As for your husband, who know's? Maybe he does value family relationships more than yours. Hate to say though, I think you should have known this information before you married him. Now to be fair, he may have told you this whole time "you mean more to me than my family", and this is just an isolated incident. However, you have every right to question his loyalty, if it conflicts with your own values. Make this decision for yourself, is this something you can tolerate going forward in your relationship. Tell him what you want. Communicate. Getting all steamed up inside really is going to affect you in the long run, especially if your husband don't know what's really eating you up inside.
Author Collided Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 (edited) @Template. Thank you for your response. Yes, you are correct in assuming that I feel my husband should have my back. I have his! Am I wrong to seek equality? I have made this concern crystal clear to him as this is a 2nd time family loyalty has been brought up. I have tried to communicate with him about it and he gets angry about it that we don't resolve anything. As for the piece in question it was made by a family member. Any suggestions about my husband's sister coming to stay with us and explaining to her the situation before the cousins do? I apologize for my grammatical errors. Edited April 23, 2010 by Collided forgot to add something
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