TouchedByViolet Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 The good news is a girl who I have recently met and am very much attracted to happens to also like me. The bad news is she is interested in a FWB situation for the spring-summer and doesn't want a relationship. I am the type of person who wants the emotional connection and warm feeling I get from a mutually committed relationship. She is interested in another guy, a somewhat ex boyfriend (if I had a better definition I would use it), who has stopped talking to her after he left the country for the military. She is hot and cold when addressing him but it looks like she wants the guy and would go back to him if he came back and was interested in her. Ironically, the guy hasn't tried to contact her for over a month and her friends say the guy is a jerk. I feel so confused. We have so many common interests. I feel such a strong connection when having a conversation with her. We have so much fun together. She pays for things more than I do and enjoys spending money for us. She tells me I am cute, attractive, and funny. She is playful and flirty with me. Last night she gave me a great bj, but doesn't want to be more than FWB. wtf? After thinking about the situation I figure just enjoying our chemistry and fun times will yield the most happiness. Keep little to no expectations and try to enjoy my life. Maybe find a better girl for myself along the way? Advice and guidence please.
Rorschach Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 If you don't want a FWB situation find somebody else to go after. I'm like you, I can't have sex without caring something for the other person. If you can somehow separate sex from relationships in your head and realize that she'll never be more than a F buddy, then go with it. Otherwise just go find somebody else, heartbreak lies down that path.
terra Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 If you don't want a FWB situation find somebody else to go after. I'm like you, I can't have sex without caring something for the other person. If you can somehow separate sex from relationships in your head and realize that she'll never be more than a F buddy, then go with it. Otherwise just go find somebody else, heartbreak lies down that path. I completely agree. If FWB is not something for you then tell her you need a committed relationship. This situation is perfect for her because she get the fun of a boyfriend with no strings. If I were in your situation I would feel heartbreak if she ended the fwb for this other guy. I get attached with physical intimacy.
Author TouchedByViolet Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 If you don't want a FWB situation find somebody else to go after. I'm like you, I can't have sex without caring something for the other person. If you can somehow separate sex from relationships in your head and realize that she'll never be more than a F buddy, then go with it. Otherwise just go find somebody else, heartbreak lies down that path. Yup. It has just been so long since I connected with a girl and she was interested in me. I went almost 2 years without anyone (i'm 22 now). I figure I can give this FWB thing a full month and then re-evaluate. I cannot separate sex from caring/relationships so I really hope I don't set myself up for heartbreak. I completely agree. If FWB is not something for you then tell her you need a committed relationship. This situation is perfect for her because she get the fun of a boyfriend with no strings. If I were in your situation I would feel heartbreak if she ended the fwb for this other guy. I get attached with physical intimacy. Yes, I totally agree. It would make me feel terrible if she left me suddenly because this other guy shows up. He won't be back anytime in the next few months so I figure I have a little time to see if this girls view of me changes but in my experience this is rarely the case.
terra Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 I figure I can give this FWB thing a full month and then re-evaluate. I cannot separate sex from caring/relationships so I really hope I don't set myself up for heartbreak. I wouldn't even wait that long... knowing that you are a guy who associates sex with a relationship and you are having sex without a relationship you are sending her the wrong message. I think you should tell her you are only interested in sex if she was your girlfriend. She isn't taking you seriously because she is happy with the arrangement. I would tell her sooner than later. In a month's time you may be more invested and less in control of your feelings and the situation and more open to heartache.
Author TouchedByViolet Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 I wouldn't even wait that long... knowing that you are a guy who associates sex with a relationship and you are having sex without a relationship you are sending her the wrong message. I think you should tell her you are only interested in sex if she was your girlfriend. She isn't taking you seriously because she is happy with the arrangement. I would tell her sooner than later. In a month's time you may be more invested and less in control of your feelings and the situation and more open to heartache. I am totally sending the wrong message. I have let her know that in our relationship she can get what she wants even if that is not what i want. Maybe I should just be distant from her. She will know what is bothering me, I have already told her. If she really cares about me enough to want to change (very small chance) she will come get me. If its not worth her time then no more us. So easy to type so difficult to implement. I really hope I don't cave. Summer is around the corner, and so is both our b-days. We were planning lots of fun things. The more time passes the more plans we make
123BeachFan Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 I'm with Terra. If you don't want to be in a FWB and know you're going to get emotionally attached, spare yourself the heartache now and decline her offer. She'll respect you for sticking your ground.
Recommended Posts