I'm so broken

[TLH]

I saw my ex last night to give him some of his things back. I don't know if it was too soon or if it was the right thing to do, but it happened. And it was the most heartbreaking thing I have ever had to go through.

 

He is hurting just as much as I am. When we saw each other we just held each other and cried. He told me how difficult it's been for him to not talk to me for the past 2 weeks. It was so heartbreaking because we both know that things just aren't working. There is so much love between us, but the relationship has run its course. It hurts so much to know that love isn't enough. Because sometimes it's not.

 

I don't know how to deal with that. I'm so broken. I feel like this pain will never go away.

[skydiveaddict]

The pain will go away and you will be ok. It's none of my business, but it sounds like the two of you are in love with each other. I would think you could make your relationship work somehow

[TLH]

Hey Skydiver,

 

Thanks for your reply. While we do love each other a lot, we respect each other enough to know that we need to be by ourselves for a little while. We started dating so young (we were 16) and never really got a chance to experience life without each other.

 

And as much as we love each other, we have different ambitions and desires. I'm graduating from college in 2 weeks (!!!) and I'm heading over to Portland, while he wants to stay in Michigan. And being so young, neither one of us wants to make sacrifices that we may later regret.

 

Also, there are a lot of things that made unhappy in the relationship, and I know that the same can be said for him.

 

So yes, we love each other and respect each other, but we agree that we need to go our separate ways to grow. We are each others first loves so there will always be a special bond between us. But realistically, people change, ambitions change, desires change, and they keep changing. And sometimes love is not enough. That is exactly what happened with us.

 

And frankly, I love myself more than any guy and I refuse to put my dreams on hold for someone who does not agree with them (he thinks my desire to move to Portland is ridiculous and unachievable).

 

I love him. I miss him. But he no longer complements my life the way he used to.

 

 

Thanks for reading and commenting.

[skydiveaddict]

are you still going skydiving tomorrow?

[TLH]

I actually got a call today saying that the clouds are supposed to be really low (700 feet) and they don't allow jumpers to fall through clouds, so I had to reschedule for next Sunday. But either way, it's gonna happen :-)

 

Even though I was REALLY bummed out, I'm trying to look at it as a cosmic lesson in patience. As a newly single gal, I'm trying to work on my optimism!

[skydiveaddict]

I actually got a call today saying that the clouds are supposed to be really low (700 feet) and they don't allow jumpers to fall through clouds, so I had to reschedule for next Sunday. But either way, it's gonna happen :-)

 

Even though I was REALLY bummed out, I'm trying to look at it as a cosmic lesson in patience. As a newly single gal, I'm trying to work on my optimism!

 

 

Well you do have to have the right weather. I REALLY want to here about your first jump though. Keep in touch

[yume]

I saw my ex last night to give him some of his things back. I don't know if it was too soon or if it was the right thing to do, but it happened. And it was the most heartbreaking thing I have ever had to go through.

 

He is hurting just as much as I am. When we saw each other we just held each other and cried. He told me how difficult it's been for him to not talk to me for the past 2 weeks. It was so heartbreaking because we both know that things just aren't working. There is so much love between us, but the relationship has run its course. It hurts so much to know that love isn't enough. Because sometimes it's not.

 

I don't know how to deal with that. I'm so broken. I feel like this pain will never go away.

 

I'm starting to cry now because I feel exactly the same way you do. Even though it's been a while since we broke up, I still miss him. So much. Sometimes...love isn't enough. And it truly ****ing sucks.

 

I hope you're feeling better now though.

[RobM]

Have fun with your first jump and congrats on graduating. What's your degree in?

[TLH]

Hi Yume- Yea, the situation is very difficult. I'm not angry or bitter, just really sad. I think it makes it easier knowing that we are both better off without each other for now. It has been extremely difficult to accept that, but it's the truth. I'm just trying to take it moment by moment, and each day is like a roller coaster ride. It has become easier to accept that what he does is no longer my business which is something I have been struggling with. Heartbreak is so hard!! I hope that you are finding some calm and comfort in your life. Hang in there.

 

Hi Rob- I am so excited about my first jump! And graduation is exciting as well. I just feel a little overwhelmed with these changes happening at the same time. But such is life. I have to trust that there is a big lesson in all of this, and that its all part of my life journey. And to answer your question- my degree is in Microbiology. Hope everything is well with you!

[RobM]

Is your first jump static line or dual freefall or something. I jumped once in college, long long time ago. Back then they didn't do the dual jumps you had to do static line jumps until you had enough to freefall. I did one and really liked it but just didn't have the time and money for another hobby.

 

It was a blast though, we wore little radios and they basically just talked us thru the turns and such to land in the right place. Just before we jumped we were sitting in out in the field with the instructor going over last minute questions and such and watching other people come down. One guy looked like he landed in the middle of the parking lot and somebody came running over to us and yelled at our instructor "they let crazy larry on the radio and the guy landed on a car" so our instructor jumped up and ran over there and we sat there and looked at each other like "what the hell are we getting into". The actual jump went great though. I'd love to take it up as a hobby now but my wife would kill me, lol. Better to do it when your young and nobdy can tell you what to do.

 

Things are ok for me, I'm sitting here icing my knee because I had surgery on it yesterday, but all went well and it looks to be a quick fix.

[TLH]

My first jump is a tandem jump- meaning that I will be jumping attached to an instructor. The jump is from 12,000 feet, so that will definitely be exhilarating!

 

My ex would have never skydived with me, so that is part of the reason why I'm doing it! It's my birthday present to myself :-) And being single, young, and unattached definitely makes it possible to do what you want, when you want, with whomever you want. And I think that I will learn to enjoy that. I'm a pretty spontaneous person!

[TLH]

Oh and it's so awesome that you took the opportunity to jump "back in the day"! Any suggestions for a first-timer?

[RobM]

Very very cool, I wanted to freefall but didn't want to do enough static line jumps to get to that point. Where in michigan do they jump, I did it somewhere up by port huron but I don't think they do it there anymore.

[TLH]

There's a few places in Michigan-

 

There is a place in Fowlerville, Kalamazoo, Lansing, Detroit, Flint, Pontiac, Ann Arbor, Battle Creek, Grand Rapids, Traverse City, Saginaw. Those are the ones that I know of. And it's not too expensive (around $200), so it's never too late to give it a shot!

[RobM]

It would probably cost me way way more than that (divorce lawyer, lol)

 

As for suggestions, take lots of pictures. Do they video your first jump?

[TLH]

Maybe you can talk your wife into going with you? You can make up some crap about experiencing new things together, doing something crazy, etc.

 

And yes, I will definitely get a video of the jump. And I will make sure to take lots of pictures! Thanks for the suggestion :-)

[RobM]

Ya, well for lots of reasons that's not gonna happen. If you're jumping up by traverse city you should look into taking a sail plane ride too, I'm pretty sure they still fly out of frankfort airport and sailing over the bluff on lake michigan and over crystal lake is incredible.

[yume]

Hi Yume- Yea, the situation is very difficult. I'm not angry or bitter, just really sad. I think it makes it easier knowing that we are both better off without each other for now. It has been extremely difficult to accept that, but it's the truth. I'm just trying to take it moment by moment, and each day is like a roller coaster ride. It has become easier to accept that what he does is no longer my business which is something I have been struggling with. Heartbreak is so hard!! I hope that you are finding some calm and comfort in your life. Hang in there.

 

I feel the same. Basically, it's "doing the right thing"...but who knew doing the right thing could be so hard? It is hard to accept that their life no longer concerns you...I hate knowing that because I want to know that he's doing okay, and how things are going for him...some days I'm fine and others, like today, just get really hard.

 

Do you envision yourself being friends with him down the road? Could you handle being a friend of his? I only pray that someday I can be friends with my ex but...in some ways I feel like I might not be able to. I suppose it gets easier as feelings fade, but....sigh.

 

p.s. have fun skydiving. I don't think I could ever find the courage to do that

[TLH]

Hey Yume-

 

I'm having a really rough morning today. I keep thinking about him and what he is doing, and the urge to contact him is stronger than ever. But I just keep telling myself that no matter what I say or do, it won't change the situation. We will still be broken up and I will just cause myself more pain. And then I keep thinking is he with other girls, or is he out partying? And in that situation, I just tell my self yes he is with other girls and yes he is out partying. I don't know if this is the truth, but it helps to accept the worst possible scenario and stop thinking about it. It's very painful but I think that it will help me move on faster. And honestly, that is all I want to do. I just want this pain to go away.

 

Sometimes the pain is so severe that I don't know what to do with myself. Usually I just try to shift the focus to myself and keep breathing.

 

I am not angry with him even though sometimes I think it would make dealing a little easier.

 

As for the friend situation- I don't know if I will be friends with him or not. At this point, I can't imagine being around him or talking to him without feeling the love I have for him. I love him, and I can't imagine just being friends. Hopefully, with enough time, we can be friends. But right now I'm just trying to adjust to life without him.

 

As for the skydiving- I never thought I would be brave enough! I hate flying and am terrified of heights! But this break up has put so much fear, pain, and uncertainty in my life yet I'm surviving! I am! And if I can face this, then I can face another big fear- skydiving. Also it gives me something to look forward to, as well as I chance to prove to myself that I CAN DO IT! I can face my fear and survive! And that is pretty empowering. You should try it :-)

 

How long has it been since your breakup? How are you coping? Are you NC or do you still keep in contact?

 

I hope that it's getting a little easier for you each day. And remember, you are not alone and it WILL get better.

[yume]

Rough morning? Me too, since I just dreamed all night about him. It wasn't anything romantic, actually at one point I was yelling at him (lol) but I think what I desire most from this is that we can be friends eventually. We connected on such a deep level that it's hard to let someone go like that - it definitely was not a superficial relationship.

 

You're right about thinking that he is with other girls and is out partying...it never occurred to me to think that way actually. It really is none of my business. I think I'd prefer not to know, to be honest.

 

I am not angry with him even though sometimes I think it would make dealing a little easier.

 

Throughout my life I've been angry, beginning with my parents divorce, so I've often used anger to get through emotional times in the past. Part of it is self-righteous, you know, that "I'm too good for him anyway" when really...it's not all that true. But it is the easier way to deal... I'm trying not to get by on anger this time and it's a lot tougher than I expected it to be.

 

Its funny when you say I should do something to conquer a fear of mine...when I broke up with my first boyfriend a year ago I cut all my hair off. Not because of the breakup, but because I needed a change. Even since then, I've changed so much as a person, and I feel like my ex from a year ago wouldn't get along with the person I am now as well as he used to...weird how time changes things huh?

 

How long has it been since your breakup? How are you coping? Are you NC or do you still keep in contact?

 

We broke up at the beginning of March. I'm coping....I don't really know. I have the occasional bad day and other times I don't think about it at all. I think the official signal that I was done was when I went out one night after the breakup and was drinking, and I realised the next morning that I hadn't thought about him once the entire time I was out. So you know when you don't think about someone even when you're drunk...it's a good sign?

 

We are........NC? We work together and don't have conversations but he says hi to me every time I walk in and he's there. Yesterday I walked past him expecting nothing and I hear from behind me "Hi Lauren"...so I turned around and said hi then asked him how he was. Gaaaaaaaahhhhhh. He said not bad and then asked me, and I looked at him and gave a sad half-shrug then walked away.

 

Bleh.

 

Sorry for moaning on for ages, haha.

 

I hope your day has gotten better since this morning.

[northstar1]

Hey Yume-

 

I'm having a really rough morning today. I keep thinking about him and what he is doing, and the urge to contact him is stronger than ever. But I just keep telling myself that no matter what I say or do, it won't change the situation. We will still be broken up and I will just cause myself more pain. And then I keep thinking is he with other girls, or is he out partying? And in that situation, I just tell my self yes he is with other girls and yes he is out partying. I don't know if this is the truth, but it helps to accept the worst possible scenario and stop thinking about it. It's very painful but I think that it will help me move on faster. And honestly, that is all I want to do. I just want this pain to go away.

 

Sometimes the pain is so severe that I don't know what to do with myself. Usually I just try to shift the focus to myself and keep breathing.

 

I am not angry with him even though sometimes I think it would make dealing a little easier.

 

As for the friend situation- I don't know if I will be friends with him or not. At this point, I can't imagine being around him or talking to him without feeling the love I have for him. I love him, and I can't imagine just being friends. Hopefully, with enough time, we can be friends. But right now I'm just trying to adjust to life without him.

 

As for the skydiving- I never thought I would be brave enough! I hate flying and am terrified of heights! But this break up has put so much fear, pain, and uncertainty in my life yet I'm surviving! I am! And if I can face this, then I can face another big fear- skydiving. Also it gives me something to look forward to, as well as I chance to prove to myself that I CAN DO IT! I can face my fear and survive! And that is pretty empowering. You should try it :-)

 

How long has it been since your breakup? How are you coping? Are you NC or do you still keep in contact?

 

I hope that it's getting a little easier for you each day. And remember, you are not alone and it WILL get better.

 

I can relate to this. When my ex and I broke up, we still loved each other, however, the relationship itself was 'broken' in a sense and we couldn't seem to make it work (we were probably both being stubborn).

I don't hate my ex. I'm disappointed she didn't fight harder for the relationship, but in the end you can't will someone to do that.

 

As you sad, it is a feeling of sadness I had more than anything else. I still do wish I could talk to her, but I realize that that won't change the outcome and that is what is frustrating.

[RobM]

As for the skydiving- I never thought I would be brave enough! I hate flying and am terrified of heights! But this break up has put so much fear, pain, and uncertainty in my life yet I'm surviving! I am! And if I can face this, then I can face another big fear- skydiving. Also it gives me something to look forward to, as well as I chance to prove to myself that I CAN DO IT! I can face my fear and survive! And that is pretty empowering. You should try it :-)

 

Everytime I looked out the window today I thought of you, clouds and rain all day so I'm guessing you didn't go.

 

As for the ex, I've gone through it and it's not easy but everyday it should get a little better. Just focus on you and doing things that make you happy.

[TLH]

Hey Yume-

 

I have been having a really hard time sleeping, so I totally understand the dreams. For the past 2 weeks I haven't been able to get more than 5 hours of sleep, and I usually end up waking up multiple times throughout the night in an anxious haze. It's absolutely horrible and I really just want to get some sleep!! Do you have any suggestions?

 

And it seems like you are handling the breakup really well, and are healing fast. Breaking up in March and being at a point where some days you don't even think about him makes me envious! I wish I was at that point. It seems like I can't get him out of my head! Last night, through a series of unfortunate events, I finally realized that he is simply not the same person I fell in love with. And it felt like a huge weight was lifted off my chest. The last few months of our relationship I dated a person who I normally wouldn't even associate with. And now after the breakup, he is a complete stranger to me. I think that this realization is a huge turning point in my healing process.

 

Did you experience something like this?

 

 

Northstar- I wish that my ex fought for me and our relationship as well. It's kind of a huge blow to my self esteem thinking that I and we weren't worth the fight. But like I mentioned to Yume, I realized that he is a complete stranger to me now, and it's not the person that I love who didn't want to fight for us. It was this stranger. It's so sad and heartbreaking.

 

 

RobM- Due to the crappy weather I did have to reschedule my jump for this upcoming Sunday. As disappointed as I am, it's definitely better to be safe than sorry!

 

And thank you for your uplifting words. Just hearing that it will get better keeps me moving and smiling and living my life the best I can. And I am definitely shifting the focus to myself. It a weird feeling, but I think I'm gonna learn to like it :-)

[yume]

Hey Yume-

 

I have been having a really hard time sleeping, so I totally understand the dreams. For the past 2 weeks I haven't been able to get more than 5 hours of sleep, and I usually end up waking up multiple times throughout the night in an anxious haze. It's absolutely horrible and I really just want to get some sleep!! Do you have any suggestions?

 

And it seems like you are handling the breakup really well, and are healing fast. Breaking up in March and being at a point where some days you don't even think about him makes me envious! I wish I was at that point. It seems like I can't get him out of my head! Last night, through a series of unfortunate events, I finally realized that he is simply not the same person I fell in love with. And it felt like a huge weight was lifted off my chest. The last few months of our relationship I dated a person who I normally wouldn't even associate with. And now after the breakup, he is a complete stranger to me. I think that this realization is a huge turning point in my healing process.

 

Did you experience something like this?

 

I'm not sure what to tell you about sleep except for maybe taking some melatonin which is a natural supplement that can help you sleep. People take it on planes, etc. I know what it's like to wake up at night and feel anxious though. Sorry to hear you're going through that.

 

I hardly feel like I'm healing fast though. I cried for about 20 minutes last night. Work yesterday was awful; I ended up crying in front of a coworker (really embarassing) but she handled it well I suppose.

 

I couldn't get him out of my head last night...didn't fall asleep for about an hour and a half after going to bed. It's really sucking for me right now. Luckily he's not working today, so I can have some peace of mind at work.

 

I don't think my ex becoming a stranger really applies to me, considering he was always him and I was always me and we just weren't...working as a couple. I wish I could take it back but I can't.

 

I miss him.

 

[EthanH]

yume, have seen you posting on here quite a bit, but not really heard much about your situation... did he end it, or did you?