iTrap Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 Everything i read tells me to talk about my jealousy with my partner. I do think it is a good idea and we do it all the time and it does work, but how much do you tell them? I mean i have some crazy thoughts and i think that if i tell him about them he will go running off. He has shown me te oppisite though. His has alot of patience but for how long? Im so trapped in my head with these thoughts that i cant control. If i tell him "everytime you talk to some girl i think you are going to leave" wont that drive him away? it is driving me nuts, so why not him? I believe my jealousy is my problem (since its unbased and so crazy), how to overcome this by talking without scaring him? Is it a good idea to take some of it off with a friend?
shadowofman Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 I think you need to understand your feeling better before you present them to him. If your jealousy is based on insecurity (which it seems to be from your thoughts), then I wouldn't call that jealousy. I would call that possessiveness. And there is nothing you can do to change your possessive tendencies. It might be a required aspect for any relationship you might be in. Jealousy implies envy or a feeling of unfairness within your relationship. In any case, you need to decide if your thoughts are rational or irrational. I wouldn't bother your partner with irrational thoughts. Those need to be worked out with a therapist maybe. If you decide that your possessiveness is rational and required for your happiness, then tell him and see if that is a condition he is willing to deal with.
Author iTrap Posted April 25, 2010 Author Posted April 25, 2010 (edited) ShadowOfMan thank you for your fast response and sorry for my late one. ou are right, i am posessive. Im thinking im getting paranoid and im going to the doc tomorrow to figure that out. this is a little story to tell ya what im going through: one day a common friend told me about a trip my partner's ex made to our city. He told me it was before he met me. In my head the scenario was: My partner's ex came (during a fight period we had) , all our friends met her and they are covering it up.Everyone is. When our friend told me about it i was sure he made a mistake, and was worried my partner would be mad at him for uncovering the "truth", so he told me that it was a long time ago. I asked my bf about this and he said "stop trying to fish out something by lying about our friend...I was just teasing you one day last year of my ex coming", i said im not making any of this up, and please stop messing with my head, i have a problem" After that little discussion i felt good ...for a while. Then my mind started up again and now i think he told our friends (the ones that are helping to cover it up) what happened. So the other day i found them stop talking once i entered the room and i was positive they were talking about me and the situation. Also calling me stupid cause i believe him. Point is that whatever happens , even if someone made a video of his moves (no i dont want that) i will find a way to "prove " to myself that he is lying. Now if that isnt a personality disorder than what is? I tried not to talk about it to him but he forced me too.I will never do that again unless my therapist advices me to tomorrow. edit: he thinks my thoughts are totally normal cause im in love .He claims he has jealousy thoughts almost at the same level cause he is in love too. But when i try to convience him i have a serious problem cause this is affecting my whole life, he says do not exxagerate, you are searching into it too much. What am i looking for in this forum?Just someone to tell me he/she is going through something similar and none of his/her thoughts have came true. The rest , i know is up to a doctor. Thanks for your time Edited April 25, 2010 by iTrap
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