simple_city_girl Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 What can one do in this situation. I am married for over 1 year but I am still in love with the older married man who was my best friend before marriage. After I got married, he made it clear that he cannot be friends with me because that would be unfair towards my husband. I was reluctant to give up our friendship and tried persuading him for many months but he was firm and that hurt like hell. my husband is a lovely man, he is young, tall, good-looking, has a wonderful job and is also quite cute. He loves me a lot. but I yearn secretly everyday for my friend. We haven't seen each other for many months but I think of him everyday. I don't know whats happening in his life, I don't want to know. I have no contact with him but I think about our friendship and affection everyday. I feel my life is not good because I am not appreciating my husband. But it just cant be helped. My feelings, thoughts, dreams are always my friend and the past. How long will this go....I am tired of living this secret life (though all in my thoughts). My husband has no idea but because of this situation I am not living my life well and still dwelling in my past. Please help.
secretlady76 Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 I read this and think that this might be me soon. I guess what you're feeling is a sense of loss/grieving and there is not much you can do about it, you have to ride these feelings out until they lessen and eventually they go. Worse for you of course because it wasn't you who decided to break the friendship, had you had it your way, you would still be friends. However, whilst you're grieving over the friend lost, you are not putting 100% into your marriage so that is going to seem worse too. You will get over him eventually but you also need to establish what it was about the friendship that you were getting that you were not getting from the marriage, because the void you were feeling within the marriage is still going to be there, especially now you don't have the friend to fill it. Good luck.
whichwayisup Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 Why did you get married in the first place since you loved someone else? Do yourself and your husband a favour, get divorced, or do what Owl has suggested. TO stay in a marriage where you're this miserable and can't let go of someone else, is NOT fair to your husband. He deserves a wife who is going to adore him, love him and appreciate him. To answer your question, it'll stop when you want it to stop. Have you been actively trying to get over the bestfriend? Done counselling? Have you truly 'wanted' to move on? Honestly, it sounds like you don't and have gotten used to pining over someone you can't have. The choice is yours.. Do something about it or stay where you are.
Passion4Life Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 What can one do in this situation. I am married for over 1 year but I am still in love with the older married man who was my best friend before marriage. After I got married, he made it clear that he cannot be friends with me because that would be unfair towards my husband. I was reluctant to give up our friendship and tried persuading him for many months but he was firm and that hurt like hell. my husband is a lovely man, he is young, tall, good-looking, has a wonderful job and is also quite cute. He loves me a lot. but I yearn secretly everyday for my friend. We haven't seen each other for many months but I think of him everyday. I don't know whats happening in his life, I don't want to know. I have no contact with him but I think about our friendship and affection everyday. I feel my life is not good because I am not appreciating my husband. But it just cant be helped. My feelings, thoughts, dreams are always my friend and the past. How long will this go....I am tired of living this secret life (though all in my thoughts). My husband has no idea but because of this situation I am not living my life well and still dwelling in my past. Please help. well the problem is that you didn't end it after realising your mistake , in fact mm forced this decison so obviously you are still not willing to get over him . So as whichwayisup said " it'll stop when you want it to stop."
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