BubbleFreak Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 In the past I have volunteered for a crisis hotline and have trained in telephone counselling. Back then I was a happy person and loved giving back to the community. I was a good listener and I got immense satisfaction from helping people. And then... I found out my dad was dying... and a part of me seemed to shut down. I stopped caring about the world around me. I couldn't feel anything. I even went to counselling and it didn't help because I couldn't make sense of the nothingness I was going through. This was years ago and I thought I was ready again to continue my life as an emotionally adjusted person. Today I went for a job interview in a call centre, and they said I lack soft skills... as in my ability to connect with people, be happy and bubbly, my emotional intelligence... When they said that I was a bit disappointed but not really that upset. I'm wondering if my change in personality is a "hindrance" and that I should do something about it, or if I should just embrace the change in myself as a sign of maturity and having life experience under my belt. I'm confused and would appreciate third person perspectives. Maybe you have gone through the same thing?
GrayClouds Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 (edited) One thing your post does communicate that you still are a person of depth and thoughtfulness. If that was not the case you would not even be questioning yourself nor be able to see changes in yourself. I suspect the death of your father did have a significant impact on you as it does for most people. I also suspect that the truth of who you are is somewhere between who you used to be and the person your projecting now. both are very good traits and healthy when we are able to call on them at the appropriate time and your still working out the balance between the two. It is ok if your still holding yourself back a bit, that is you taking care of yourself. While it may not have been helpful earlier it may be time again to work with a professional to help you out now. It could be that the person you were working with was not the right person for you or maybe you just was not ready to tackle things at that time,for obvious reasons, or maybe a combination of both. Though the fact your questioning things now suggest you are ready to look at things closer, you should be proud of yourself. It show you are reaching out some once again. As for the job I suspect it just is not the right gig for you at this time. There is nothing wrong with that. Right now it is about you being kind to yourself and giving yourself time to continue growing. We all heal on our all time line, and I think what you are showing is your ready to take another step forward. That takes courage and you should be proud that you have someone like you on your side. Edited April 23, 2010 by GrayClouds
Author BubbleFreak Posted April 24, 2010 Author Posted April 24, 2010 Thank you GrayClouds for that meaningful response, I really appreciate what you have said. I should clarify that my dad has not died yet and his health is deteriorating slowly and painfully, it's hard thinking about it. We have settled into a routine of going to doctor appointments, the hospital to pick up medicine, and other mundane tasks. And even though he is still alive we will never be able to do things together that we used to enjoy, like go fishing. Only thing we can do is go to seafood restaurants, then he throws up after that anyway. I don't know when he will die, but his quality of life has fallen big time, and I have accepted this reality and want to just go on with my life. I haven't really talked about the issue since counselling years ago, and I actually thought all of my emotions had returned to me since then, so I could be normal again. Little was I aware until yesterday that a big part of who I used to be has changed (and I project much less happiness than I used to), and if I want to grow from this I can't stop running away from the underlying issues that I couldn't face before... whatever they were... I think your advice was good, I will talk to a counsellor about this again, and maybe this time I will be able to actually feel the full extent of whatever I am going through.
GrayClouds Posted April 24, 2010 Posted April 24, 2010 I sorry I miss understood about your father. It makes even more understandable that you may be still in the grieving process still. Your right about his change in condition now affects your relationship with him. I many real ways the person you knew has passed away the person he is now is a continuing reminder of that fact. It is really hard to heal from the grieving process when you have that constant reminder in your life of what you loss. Something like this can keep you in that place for a lone time, so long that it start to feel like normal. Not unlike a low grade on going chronic depression, in fact it may be a touch of that. You have really been through a long emotional challenge. While you been able to "get back to life" I suspect only now have you be able to start the healing process. Any event of this magnitude is bound to have an impact on you and your view of life. Though I am confident that that impact has not changed you in any negative way. Likely it has added new texture and complexity to the person you are. As you work yourself thought the heal process you will see parts of that old you again, as I am seeing it now. It is like a tree growing a new branch. It does not change the tree, the base of it is still there, it just makes it more perfectly formed. As you talk about yourself it is obvious you are insightful and thoughtful person. An I suspect that old giving you is still there but needs to work full time to take care of you. Again your going through a very emotional experience, and if you do not have a whole lot left to give to the rest of the world right now after taking care of you and your love ones, then that is not only understandable but healthy. We first have to care for our own. I do think counseling may help you. It seems like you are opening up to healing and should tack advantage of that opening. Remember that you will not connect with every counselor, and if you do not with the first try a second or third. It is a important to work with someone who you can feel comfortable with so your able to work hard at it. Again you may not being seeing it but you are showing signs of moving forward. You are challenging yourself to grow, and that is very healthy. Most people do not have that courage, specially after what you have experienced. I illustrates an individual with a good deal of strength, you should very proud of that. Keep being kind to yourself and allowing yourself to grow.
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