LoveLace Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 On the 1st date, I felt highly attracted to this guy. He felt the same and we agreed to go out again. We kissed and after that I thought about him a lot. I was really excited about the 2nd date because he's really such a nice guy on top of how attracted I felt. I dressed up just smidge more for this date, but it was only a movie so I just wore nice jeans and this time a little more jewelry because the 1st date was just an outdoor lunch. I don't go overboard at all but anyway, point is I guess I thought that he might be more dressed up too, but not so much. 1st date he wore a nice long sleeve shirt and just looked hot but this time was just a faded old shirt and not flattering for him. And I notice things like a couple of messed up teeth - although I know most average people don't have perfect teeth.. However during the movie I still felt compelled to be close to him and hold his hand or whatever. At the same time I thought I'm tired and I really can't wait for the movie to be over so I can go home. I didn't feel the same excitement as I did the 1st date. But then he wanted to go eat something after the movie and I went along with it even though I was tired. (I've been up since 4:30am for work today)...so the eating part was really kind of boring to me, we made some small chat and he asked some questions about myself. It was pouring rain like crazy out, and he was sweet enough to let me wait while he got the car to pick me up...I really liked that. So when saying bye I felt compelled to kiss him and we shared a really, really good kiss this time; told him to call me and he said that he definitely would. But I don't understand these feelings. 1st date I wasn't bored at all, the 2nd date I am, and I went from thinking he's smoking hot to just ok looking...I really like guys that dress fairly stylish or have their own style or whatever, and I think his total lack of style this time turned me off. And that wasn't all. Something else that I can't quite put a finger on, didn't add up to near as much attraction as I felt the 1st date. I want to give this 1 more try and go out with him again to see what I feel this time. But I'm soo disappointed in myself, I guess, for feeling this way about such a nice guy, but I can't help any loss of attraction. And maybe I just wanted to kiss him to kiss someone...I don't even know. Is this normal? Is 1 more chance necessary or should I cut it loose to prevent stringing him along?
spookie Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 you say you'd been up sine 430... that would help explain your lack of attraction! definitely give him at least one more chance. sometimes chemistry doesn't happen until you get to know someone!
Romance Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 Its weird he just wore an old faded tee shirt on a date! But give him one more chance who knows mabe there were some circumstances to the way he was dressed. see what the 3rd date brings.
Author LoveLace Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 I definitely want to try a 3rd date. But I'm kind of thinking now that I've lost attraction it probably won't come back. I don't know I guess we'll see. Being a little tired might have contributed to me not having much fun, but so did the fact that he was dressed sloppy, in my opinion. I know that many guys will stick to simple plain shirts with jeans but a shirt that looks washed 100 times and makes your belly stick out, is not a turn-on...the fact that he didn't use his sense in maybe trying to dress nicely for a 2nd date...seriously...if that shirt is one of the nicest things he owns, I would have to give him a makeover before continuing to date him...Jeans were just fine, but for crying out loud, wear a nicer shirt.
Pink Cupcakes Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 I don't think you could see him again. I hate it when grown men have crooked teeth. If their parents couldn't afford braces when they were young, I can understand that, but they have had time to visit an orthodontist or cosmetic dentist to fix those issues. Crooked teeth = total turnoff to me. Plus, the grungy clothes - he should be trying to impress you at this stage and if a gross T-shirt is the best he can do, bye bye.
Author LoveLace Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 I don't think you could see him again. I hate it when grown men have crooked teeth. If their parents couldn't afford braces when they were young, I can understand that, but they have had time to visit an orthodontist or cosmetic dentist to fix those issues. Crooked teeth = total turnoff to me. Plus, the grungy clothes - he should be trying to impress you at this stage and if a gross T-shirt is the best he can do, bye bye. Lol,..thanks. I actually think it was just 1 tooth, I could probably manage to get past it, his eyes are very beautiful. But I didn't notice it the 1st date...but the shirt is just major. Faded, plain blue, come on guys wear sports shirts or something for a gal you like!! It's a casual 2nd date with a pretty girl, look cool, please! Fashion sense is a big deal to me...I want to try a 3rd time, to see which date comes back, the 1st one or the 2nd one? He's so sweet and cool I just wish I felt more attraction, it's confusing.
Sazerac Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 It could have been a bad day for him, too. Everyone has off days. I wonder what his mental process was, though, to cause him to wear something as off-putting as he did? If I were going on a date, I wouldn't wear something that looked as if I had been doing the lawn or working in the garage. But then. IMO, if his teeth are clean and his breath doesn't smell, it shouldn't be a deal-breaker. His family may not have had the funds to afford an orthodontist when he was growing up.
someotherguy Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 Who knew that a man's choice of shirt was so accurate in reflecting their intelligence, honesty, and loyalty? That's sarcasm, for those of you oblivious to it. Frankly, he probably deserves a woman who is not going to constantly criticize his fashion sense.
Rorschach Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 Who knew that a man's choice of shirt was so accurate in reflecting their intelligence, honesty, and loyalty? That's sarcasm, for those of you oblivious to it. Frankly, he probably deserves a woman who is not going to constantly criticize his fashion sense. I don't know, I think dressing up is important. Even when I'm not on a date or anything I dress nicely. I own only a few pair of blue jeans which I mostly use for fishing/hiking, mostly I wear a nice pair of slacks and a button shirt, sometimes a polo shirt. I wouldn't say I have a particularly nice fashion sense but it seems to me that it's important to at least keep it in mind.
DustySaltus Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 This is just the tip of the iceberg. You'll notice more and more things you don't like if you decide to continue to date him. The key is acceptance. Everyone has flaws, some are acceptable and others aren't. I don't see any big red flags here. He seems to be a gentleman.
melodymatters Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 I've been reading your posts regarding men and dating for years. Do you think it's possible, that you only like guys who don't like you as much ? Are you less interested because he seems to be into you and there are no problems ? I'm not trying to be mean or sarcastic, I'm just throwing it out there for thought .
Author LoveLace Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 I'm glad he likes me the way he does. He seems very nice and together. Conversation is good. I liked kissing him. But the physical attraction just wasn't as much as before, the way he looked didn't seem as good as before. Compared to myself that felt I put in pretty decent effort, I mean, I wasn't overly dressed, but at least aimed for cute and classy, even saw other men around staring at me, but his plain-ness threw me off and it was not flattering to him at the same time. Maybe he could just use some tips, who knows. There is no reason for me not to go out with him again at this point. But I'm hoping whatever turned me from on to off, isn't there this time. I've just always been very attracted to men who are as conscious about their looks as I am. Assess a situation and dress appropriately. I want to feel like the guy is trying to impress me, and I didn't get that from him on the 2nd date, although I know he likes me. I dated a guy once that didn't have much money but his own sense of style was unique and sexy. He had many flaws in his looks, but the way he presented himself was a big turn-on. Maybe this guy just lacks a little confidence in dressing outside a certain comfort zone.
Bartender Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 I dated a girl who I was really into for over a month until she revealed an unflattering tatoo on her foot (very unattractive feet as well) and I never looked at her the same again. I still respected her and didn't think less of her as a person but I can tell you being intimate with her never crossed my mind again. Are we shallow for this? Maybe, but bottom line we can't control our attraction toward someone and once it's gone, it's gone..................
Star Gazer Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 Um....hello! I HATED the shirt BF wore on our very first date. HATE, HATE, HATED it! It was a "nice" shirt, but G-d, was it U-G-L-Y. But look where we are now? He also has several t-shirts that are (IMO) ratty, and he'd wear those out to eat with me too. (I now ask him to change or pick something out for him.) Sometimes he even wears them to work, and he's a professional! I'm always aghast! But guess what? He LOVES those shirts, they're his favorites... he's a guy's guy. Maybe this guy was wearing one of his favorite shirts for you? With all due respect, LL, fashion sense may mean a lot to you, but he may think your style leaves something to be desired as well... ya know? Would you want to be dismissed because he thought you were OVER-dressed (all the extra jewelry) just to go to a movie? Or perhaps you have an item of clothing he doesn't like, like a jean skirt? But I totally get the tooth thing. There are some things I just can't get past, and bad teeth and large facial moles (as we all know, LOL!) are two of them.
Author LoveLace Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 In addition, once many years ago a guy looked handsome and well dressed in his photo, but for our 1st date he looked like he just rolled out of bed and threw jeans and sneakers on. I never saw him again. No reason why he couldn't have put more effort into his appearance for me because I do that for all my dates, without going overboard on make up or being flashy, but can still look pretty nice. I wouldn't dream of wearing grungy-looking clothes on a date.
Author LoveLace Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 Well Star for all I know I made him feel really under dressed. And if it was a deal breaker for him, then obviously he shouldn't ask me out again, and who knows maybe he won't. Obviously I'll be content either way. I'm so not against giving him another chance, I like him at least enough to know that much. But if I feel less attracted when I see him again, I shouldn't string it along after that... And I know what it's like to be rejected for all kinds of reasons, weather it's my looks or personality, everyone has their preferences and knows how they want to feel when they are around someone. And some wouldn't even bother to give the situation another chance even if I thought they should have. This guy should definitely have another chance; the teeth thing isn't so dramatic that i was ready to call it all off...I have seen much worse teeth..LOL. But I guess since I noticed one thing, of course I had to notice another. I hate it but I guess there is nothing I can do about it.
Author LoveLace Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 This is just the tip of the iceberg. You'll notice more and more things you don't like if you decide to continue to date him. The key is acceptance. Everyone has flaws, some are acceptable and others aren't. I don't see any big red flags here. He seems to be a gentleman. That's right, I'll have to go out with him again to see if I can "accept" my level of attraction to him; otherwise yes, really no red flags.
Author LoveLace Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 I don't know, I think dressing up is important. Even when I'm not on a date or anything I dress nicely. I own only a few pair of blue jeans which I mostly use for fishing/hiking, mostly I wear a nice pair of slacks and a button shirt, sometimes a polo shirt. I wouldn't say I have a particularly nice fashion sense but it seems to me that it's important to at least keep it in mind. And that's exactly the extent of what I expect from a guy who'd like to impress me...that's hardly asking for a fashion expert. There's a difference between what your describing and just coming off as careless. But likely I guess he wasn't aware that it looked that way...clearly..
Jilly Bean Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 Maybe he was also feeling lukewarm about you after the first date, and couldn't be bothered to put more effort into his appearance. Maybe he also didn't feel an attraction, and was giving the 2nd date a go under the urging of his pals because he said you were "nice", but he didn't like xyz on you, either. Bottom line, if you aren't attracted to him, let it go. You can't force these things. I don't think being tired affects how attracted we are to people, just how inclined we are to act on it in that moment. lol
123BeachFan Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 If you don't feel chemistry for him, you don't feel chemistry for him. It's that simple. Leave it at Date #2 (unless you think you were just tired and not yourself, and in which case, you can give Date #3 a try). But you really don't have to justify why you didn't feel chemistry. And a T-shirt can be hot on the right guy, just not on this guy, not for you. No worries, he's not your type.
Author LoveLace Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 You could very well be right jillybean who knows. Since the way I feel about him is up in the air right now, then it wouldn't be a bad thing if the feeling is mutual and maybe both of us want the 3rd date for the same reasons. He might be thinking I'm too high maintenance while I feel limited attraction. If that's the case then maybe the 3rd date date will clear it up for us both. But I do think a 3rd is worth a try, beyond that I've yet to see.
EasyHeart Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 I'm a bit of a clothes-horse, so maybe I try to hard, but I would think that on a second date a guy would be dressing to impress. First date you don't want to look like you're trying too hard, but on a second date, if you've decided you like a woman, I would think you'd put on one of your best-looking outfits. Going to a movie, maybe you want to keep it simple, but a nicely cut pair of jeans and a white buttondown, with maybe some slightly funky shoes, and you can't go wrong. Give him one more try, but it sounds like fashion is a big deal for you, so if he's one of these guys who thinks a hockey shirt makes him look good, then maybe he's not for you. We all have our weird requirements. For me it's politics. I don't care what kind of politics a woman has, but she has to have put some thought into it. I can't stand people who blindly follow a political party and just parrot talking points. I'd even prefer someone who doesn't care at all over someone who's just a braindead liberal or conservative zombie.
Author LoveLace Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 I'm a bit of a clothes-horse, so maybe I try to hard, but I would think that on a second date a guy would be dressing to impress. First date you don't want to look like you're trying too hard, but on a second date, if you've decided you like a woman, I would think you'd put on one of your best-looking outfits. Going to a movie, maybe you want to keep it simple, but a nicely cut pair of jeans and a white buttondown, with maybe some slightly funky shoes, and you can't go wrong. Give him one more try, but it sounds like fashion is a big deal for you, so if he's one of these guys who thinks a hockey shirt makes him look good, then maybe he's not for you. We all have our weird requirements. For me it's politics. I don't care what kind of politics a woman has, but she has to have put some thought into it. I can't stand people who blindly follow a political party and just parrot talking points. I'd even prefer someone who doesn't care at all over someone who's just a braindead liberal or conservative zombie. Thanks easy, I would think the same about the 2nd date, especially since he was the one to ask me out for t, without hesitation. Perhaps I am discovering how important fashion is to me, more so than I thought, along with just wanting to see effort to impress me. But we'll see how date 3 goes...
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