clueless_cutie Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 Here is my story. I started dating him 1 1/2 years ago. We are working at the same place (until now). He's from India & as you know they still do practice arranged marriage there. So basically he had been forced by his parents to marry another girl of their choice. After the few weeks of our initial dating, he has told me that he had to marry someone else one day and we can't possibly have any future. But we fell in love and we kept pursuing each other. He told me he loves me. At that time i already fell for him and it was too late to stop. I didn't want us to stop. And i was also hoping things will change. And one day he will change his mind when he realizes how much he loves me and he would marry me. well, apparently i was wrong. We had on/off relationship for 1 1/2 years. He never have committed to me at all even though he said he loved me very much. He didn't tell his parents about me. He didn't want to fight for our love. He kept saying it will be no use since he can't see his parents hurt. 5 months ago, he went back to India for vacation and came back engaged (at first he didn't even tell me. I found out from our mutual friends). Boy, I was so angry with him for doing this to me. He was talking to me like nothing happened. Then I kept some distance from him. He kept chasing & chasing me saying all these sweet words to make me fall back into same place again. So we got together again (without commitment) & he is still getting married to his fiance. I really love him so much and I don't know how he could do this to me. Whenever I try move on and contact other guys, he ll b jealous and be nosy about everything. He even checked my phone for messages from guys. (that is after his engagement). He's so sefish. He still doesn't want to let me go and at the same time getting married to another girl. So fast forward, here I am now.. still stuck in love rut.. It's only less than 3 weeks from his wedding. I m still not able to move on and date other men. I keep hoping he will change his mind even though i m certain he won't. I really would like to move on coz I don't wanna b the OW later. (he is not gonna bring his wife from india. he will b coming back alone). he said he wants to keep in touch with me as friends always. we will b always there for each other as close friends . We are working in the same place & we have lunch together everyday. Whenever I see his face, all my feelings come back. Pls help me move on. and get out of this limbo state. Thanks so much to all of you
norajane Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 You know what you need to do. You need to stop seeing him. Period. You will ruin your life if you don't. How many years do you want to waste on a guy who has a wife? He'll never be yours. Ever. You never get this time back, so don't give it up to him.
CodenameD Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 (edited) Yes, being an Indian myself I kinda find find it disgusting that some families still stuck to the traditional methods that been going on since the time long ago when Indian women never walked the streets. The one who is marrying has ALL THE RIGHT to decide his/her partner, not their parents! Or at least, if they have already found their perfect person, let them be with the one they love. I know where this is headed, he loves you but he will end up marrying this 'unknown' girl where neither of them feel what is true love and passion, something that could have existed between you two. In the end, I feel very sad for you that you had to see it end such way. I can tell you these, a few things I learned from my own lessons... that its better that you remove all forms of contact with him for a while. Including friendship. That will hurt you more. I know I would be torn apart to see the girl i love getting married with another guy. You must feel the same. Avoid continuing as friends, let him carry on with his life. The more you meet from now on, the more you will be reminded about your relationship that will sink that dagger deeper into your heart! Move on and find some guy from a family where they give their son the liberty to choose their soul mate. Good luck at leaving your past buried behind and all the best for your life and future. Edited April 23, 2010 by CodenameD
Author clueless_cutie Posted April 29, 2010 Author Posted April 29, 2010 Thanks Nora & Codename. I m getting stronger now. I m gonna cut him off completely after next week. And u r right CodeName. It will sink a dagger in my heart every time i see his face. I ll move on..
lvixen Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 Isn't he an adult that can make up his own mind? The advice the previous two gave you was good. Cut him completely out of your life. Now. The sooner you do it the faster you will heal. Don't put yourself in that pain any longer. And don't think you can be "friends" with him while you're still in love with him. It won't work. Initiate NC (no contact) and then you'll start to move on.
tgif Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 Be strong, you deserve a better man! Go NC and forget him.
Author clueless_cutie Posted May 11, 2010 Author Posted May 11, 2010 Just for your update, he has left today to India for the marriage. This morning he was feeling really down saying he doesn't wanna get married and he wants to postpone or cancel it. But he also said that he doesn't wanna b with anyone after that. And he was acting very immature. He was very rude & mean to me today. I was crying when he was saying goodbye & he didn't worry about me at all. He just asked me to leave him alone. That was how he said good bye to me. I think the message is clear. Even if he doesn't marry that girl, he still won't b with me. I m very broken. I've been used. All along he might not have loved me since he behaved like this. All he cares about is himself.
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