Stephie Posted April 23, 2010 Posted April 23, 2010 I'm finding this is getting harder, yesterday was a month since he left. I keep telling myself to let go but I can't we talked everyday untill last Saturday then I broke nc today. I sent him a text and told him it was so werid not having him to talk to anymore and he wrote back and said he was going back to college I told him I was happy for him but why? He said he didn't want to fall back into his old lifestyle and party all the time and this would keep him busy. I told him an issue that was going on and he said he would take care of it for me if I wanted I did say no that I could handle it but that's what's hard I was so dependent on him I almost lost all independence after a year of being together. August would have been 2 yrs. He just called to talk about my issue so I know he still cares if you want to read about the breakup I posted under relationships/breaking up. I have told myself to let go and I try so hard to be happy but there isn't a min he isn't on my mind. I am so lonely and so mad that this breakup has ruined everything. I moved to the city I am curently living in 8 months ago to get him closer to his son. I found a job here I love so much my dream job they have begged me to stay increasing my pay but I have no friends/family. I still live in our apartment but can't afford it anymore on my own and the fact of living in our house is a constant memory, but at the same time it is right on the lake and leaving the view would be hard. I want to stay here but like I said I have no friends and the state I am in right now it would be hard to make some. Then I think if I move back to my home town finding a new job and place to live and leaving him would be harder... I know leaving him he left me but to think I will never see him again is so painful. I hold on to the fact that were meant to be together we just have some growing to do. His mom still emails me and says she is taking this breakup so hard she misses me and prays for us. So I'm torn my boss needs an answer soon do I pick up move home to be with family/friends, go back to some boring low paying job, leave any chance of us being together again, save some money and pay off bills. Or do I stay here at my dream job, look for a new apartment, be lonely in this small town? I'm so torn and all I have to blame is him for doing this to me. I'm having to make a huge decesion all because he couldn't fight anymore and I'm afraid I might regret either one I make???
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